It's been one of those "ill with the world" kinda days. Course, that can happen when you spend a couple of hours on the phone with bill collectors, you're accused of "blackmail", people who encourage you to write suddenly decide it's taking too much time, your 3 year old eats most of a bag of Ricola, your 16 year old is constantly dealing with the "F bomb" at a restaurant where Psalm 118:24 is on every cup, you take a good look in the mirror naked and are dismayed, and you find your mister laid over in the yard.
I have to admit that the collectors were pretty nice, even funny, very lenient with all the hardships of the "resuming" economy. Yeah, yesterday I was accused of blackmail by the sister of a certain someone who must be owed money by that certain someone. Funny how people steer clear 'til they think some money is coming their way. Also funny how people push the ones they think are pushovers until it's our time to push...and God might just have our "back" in it. I'm a little tired of people mistaking patience with gullibleness; playing innocent while I'm waiting (and hoping against the worst) for "true colors to fly"...and when the wind gets hard, they will always fly. Matthew 5:44 tells me that I must pray for the ones who despitefully use and persecute me. I will do that and hope that somehow our time wasn't null and void. The boys are too young to remember us later, but I hope something is sown that can't ever be dug up.
Mike's new dosage of medicine has thrown him off kilter. That, the fuel prices, the family being "used and accused" on top of losing a relationship with those sweet little boys forever, and my not knowing where I stand with him & having no ease in responding physically is just making "us" a mess. As far as "writing", I think he might be referring more to FB, although I've gotten superfast (after deleting 1/2 my "friends") and a new "flyby" style (computer on the counter, so no one can "sit"). As short as my blog is, I take too much time editing, I guess. For years, I felt guilty for doing anything unless it was dutiful, a business letter or a journal entry about the children. I write now for pleasure, but it would be lovely if at some point, the two converge.
The Ricola was really just funny; kept expecting her to break out in a yodel. The thing that concerns me more is not the swiping that went on in the closet but our 10 year old sitting in there on the phone with her "boyfriend" she got at the basketball tournaments in the middle of all the "uproar" around here. It's very innocent and they don't "get together". I just don't like the idea of young people spending their youth trying to please or impress someone while they should be focusing on personal and spiritual growth of their own. I try very hard not to be a bullheaded, legalistic parent, so I'm playing this one by ear.
Then there's Miranda, possibly jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It's incomprehensible that a company that prides itself on running a "clean" business allows most anything. Well, they hadn't met Miranda. She's kinda tight already with the GM. She was told by 1 manager that if she hadn't been homeschooled she'dve been prepared for such an environment. She promptly replied that words do get tossed around at home sometimes but the constant "F this or that" from a place that has, "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it," as their motto, REALLY??? I told her, "The Heck with being the 'Secret Shopper'; YOU should be the 'Secret Worker'!"
Yes, it is good news that my week slowed down enough that I could look in the mirror naked. If anything can inspire a person, that can. I know too that it's part of my dismissal of our physical relationship since the upheaval. I just don't feel physical. The couple of white hairs I yanked off my head this week don't bother nearly as much as the condition I've let myself fall into, busy life or not. I don't weigh much more; I just look like I do. Will I meet my goal for Monday, no? Is that discouraging, yes? Will it stop me, no? For now, I need the kind of evening that doesn't require make-up, money, or conversation. To just "be" will work for me. Oh, and "mister" lying out in the yard really was just that...a "mister", one of the few things here that is truly mine and I truly enjoy. Our young kids got a little overzealous about the warmer weather and drug out everything and anything to do with water. Someone, and she knows who, took my mister and then left it out in the yard. On a summer day in the sun, nothing is more refreshing than cool mist on hot skin. I'll think on that and wish everyone the best of weekends.
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