Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt alone? Were you thinking how impossible it would be for them to understand what's happening in you?
Have you ever sat still because you were afraid if you moved, you'd mess everything up?
Have you ever lain still because you didn't want to change anything about the feeling of God's presence?
Have you ever remained still because you weren't willing to settle for less? Do you know how if feels to go it alone?
I read today: "Our world is looking for love. As human beings we need to love and be loved. But we're looking in all the wrong places. We look for it from a parent, from a child, from a sibling, from a spouse, from a lover, from a friend, from a pet. But our parents grow old and die, our children grow up and live their own lives, our siblings move out and on, our spouses are too busy or too tired, our lovers become jealous or bored, our friends are superficial or selfish, our pets can't speak or counsel. Who can truly understand the need of a human heart? Who can meet the need of our heart? Where is love found? Jesus revealed to Nicodemus the profound insight that love is found in the heart of God."
Have you ever wanted approval more than love?
Have you ever had something to say and were prevented?
Have you ever stopped to consider that God wants you to Himself?
"Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses. Look upon mine affiction and my pain; and forgive all my sins. Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred. O keep my soul, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee." ~ Psalm 25: 16-21.
Is "no" continually your answer and you don't know why?
"Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies ...Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." ~ Psalm 27: 9-14.
Have you done some of your best Bible reading in tears?
Then you're not alone.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Guns, Cars, Sleep, and Birthday Blessings
I spent this Sunday afternoon shooting with newly 15 year old Michael. He asked me to go outside to try out the new Remington 1100 Sporting 20 that Granddaddy brought him for his birthday. What he really needed was someone to pull the skeet shooter since Mike was watching the Daytona 500. I didn't mind a bit to be out in the warm gentle breeze. But Mike couldn't resist coming out and shooting a couple off the porch himself.
Michael hit his first skeet; so did Mike; so did I ;) I haven't used my Mossberg Shotgun for anything in 3 years but hip shooting buckets across the yard ...it's like riding a bike though ...if I'd remember to pump a cartridge in, nightmarish when you click and nothing happens! We moved on to handguns. I haven't target practiced in well over a year, but had a consistent 4 inch group. My Sig P226 and me still have a good working relationship. Melody got in a few good shots too!
Right now, he's cleaning the guns; the others are watching "Les Miserables" on PBS AGAIN, and McKala's taking her first ride alone, after she helped clean them. Yes, Mike's persistence in finding 1 owner vehicles has given us TWO cars now that are PAID IN FULL! McKala got her license Friday afternoon and Michael got his permit. Four of seven are on the road now. That makes for a lot of prayer ...and staying in tune with God so that they're heard! (You don't know that our prayers can be hindered?! "He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination," and "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.")
Mike took them to work with him and then to the DMV Office Friday. Leave it to cows to get out when their owners are away, so Melody and I had to finagle one back. He's unpredictable; so instead of walking with him, Melody sat in the back of the van with a bucket of sweet feed as I drove with the flashers on down the side of the road. It all went without incident and we didn't even have to call anyone for advice or help! But we didn't have time to do the last minute cleaning before Mom and Dad got here with Maggie from Georgia ('til they called from a traffice jam). You know: wiping down the microwave and around the dishwasher door, checking for cobwebs and clean sheets, picking up stray toys in and outside.
Years ago I stayed awake as long as I had to, to get everything as perfect as I could before our parents arrived in town. I just can't do it anymore. As a matter of fact, my mother pleads for me not to so that I'll be better company when they arrive. Lately, I've heard here and there people sloughing off the importance of sleep. I even know some people who follow a little catch phrase about it. It's mostly men, who don't have to produce milk for a baby nor get up with the baby throughout the night. Those things aside, simply missing an hour of sleep every evening accounts for an entire night when the week is done. So then, is it okay to drive sleepy, stunt growth, compromise immunity, nod off God knows where? What's noble about combating tiredness? You don't really think you've achieved anything when you have to caffeinate or medicate to make it through the day, do you?
And what about my personal vice, overeating to compensate for running out of steam? No matter the time I awake, about 4 every afternoon, I just plain crash. I have resolved solidly that it's not time for me to eat, but time for "church". I can't just go on Sunday and Wednesday and all the other mornings; I have to go late afternoon, too. He knows when I'm running out of Him. BUT I remember all the years of bearing young children and the temptation to eat to keep moving through my sleep deprived haze. Even statistics prove it now.
I'm short with people when I lack sleep. I care little for looking forward, rather surviving the day. AND when I'm weak in body, I'm weak in mind. When I'm deliriously sleepy, my mind wanders into places it shouldn't. I know the verse about "a little folding of the hands". I also know the verse in my favorite Old Testament book, Ecclesiastes: "The sleep of a labouring man is sweet ..." Not sure why that has to be tampered with.
I did miss some sleep in the last couple of weeks and didn't make up for it in time to prevent the condition that catches up with me everytime my body is brought under duress. It drains me down to nothing ...and as a close friend's dad views his same sickness, keeps him in check for what he's doing to himself. He turns his curse into a blessing!
This week was full of those, blessings. You see, for almost every birthday that one of our children had, there was a coinciding one. Madalynn shared her birthday with my 94 year old friend. She couldn't come over for breakfast, so we decided to pop in but her family had swooped her away for lunch already. We left what we'd brought and went on our way. Since we didn't plan any parties, even using leftover decorations and specified homemade treats by Melody, I took each child individually to the restaurant of their choice and to spend the day with anyone of their choice. Madalynn had wanted to return to Red Lobster this year and to buy a fishing pole and to have over the family of her friend, Eliza (whose own birthday party was Saturday night). Little did we know that our aged friend would call the next day saying, "Michelle, did you know that I only got roses 2 times in my life?! About 40 years ago my husband bought a bunch for me ...and now you bought me some."
I'm fully aware that Proverbs says, "Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips." But, really, this was not a burdening gift, just Walmart roses. The point is that I've asked myself and the children to distinctly set our minds to serving others. I'd borne the idea of flowers since her appreciation for them spills out into her yard, but McKala meticulously picked them out, brilliantly pink shorn up in succulent greenery. Our small deeds can make a world of difference and this time I got to taste it. Her sweet response was as much a blessing to me.
Per Michael's brainstorm, McKala's birthday meal was spent in a pizzeria in the mountains where she grew up ...with her childhood guy friend and her keeper of a girl friend she's had through her teens. They were fine to sit and talk and laugh with this mom for hours about all manner of events, beliefs, good times and bad. I couldn't ask for our daughter to have chosen better fellowship.
Michael's birthday stayed true to past years and didn't go smoothly. I'd hoped that a teammate could join him for go karting but his friend had broken his foot. He wasn't sure what he wanted as a gift and instead of wasting money, came home with nothing EXCEPT a stomach full of King Crab :) However, he DID know what he wanted his Pop to have. It's something of a joke around here about Pop (and Michael too), that he takes everything back, but Michael caught wind during their last visit that Pop wanted a Falcon's Gonzalez shirt. Michael took it upon himself to place a customized order and have it shipped to him for his birthday today!
Lastly was Macklynn's birthday. When I called his penpal's mother about surprising him, she said her son's birthday was 4 days later. So we planned a day for them of Mexican food and bowling. They hadn't seen each other since last summer. Gage is the smallest boy in his class and Macklynn would likely be the biggest. Gage's hair is sort of long and Macklynn's is really short. Gage exudes creativity and Macklynn is eccentrically practical. Gage is teased and I wish Macklynn could be there to back him up. They share something that I hope they'll keep a long, long time.
Afterwards, Macklynn and I went to spend his birthday money and when we were on the way home, he said from the backseat, "Mama, look how many presents I have!" It really wasn't much, but that he emphatically believed it was made me tear up with gladness.
The kids are growing up, exhibited by mature selflessness this week. When I returned from an appointment Wednesday, McKala had everything out of the frig, voluntarily cleaning it. The prior day she'd made a massive tent for the little ones over the 15 ft frame of the swings and played with them all afternoon. Out of the blue, Michael took Macklynn to show him how to properly use his new hatchet and Madalynn, her rod. He built them a fire and did it up right!
McKala just brought me home a Tijuana Mama from her joyride. Again, it's not much, but I know I was in her thoughts ...and I'll take that! Just like I'll take the calls from Megan and Miranda in Georgia. That they call with good news and bad, for advice or just a sounding board, during lunch breaks or late night after shifts end, makes my day - that our adult daughters consider me a confidante! I have a son who wants to shoot with me. I have a Melody who will sing with me, giving hugs that she used to withhold. I have 2 young wards left me, who should gain from all I've learned with their siblings and before they're grown, if this world's still spinning, I'll find little ones underfoot again in the natural progression of the full quiver we've been blessed with.
Michael hit his first skeet; so did Mike; so did I ;) I haven't used my Mossberg Shotgun for anything in 3 years but hip shooting buckets across the yard ...it's like riding a bike though ...if I'd remember to pump a cartridge in, nightmarish when you click and nothing happens! We moved on to handguns. I haven't target practiced in well over a year, but had a consistent 4 inch group. My Sig P226 and me still have a good working relationship. Melody got in a few good shots too!
Right now, he's cleaning the guns; the others are watching "Les Miserables" on PBS AGAIN, and McKala's taking her first ride alone, after she helped clean them. Yes, Mike's persistence in finding 1 owner vehicles has given us TWO cars now that are PAID IN FULL! McKala got her license Friday afternoon and Michael got his permit. Four of seven are on the road now. That makes for a lot of prayer ...and staying in tune with God so that they're heard! (You don't know that our prayers can be hindered?! "He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination," and "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.")
Mike took them to work with him and then to the DMV Office Friday. Leave it to cows to get out when their owners are away, so Melody and I had to finagle one back. He's unpredictable; so instead of walking with him, Melody sat in the back of the van with a bucket of sweet feed as I drove with the flashers on down the side of the road. It all went without incident and we didn't even have to call anyone for advice or help! But we didn't have time to do the last minute cleaning before Mom and Dad got here with Maggie from Georgia ('til they called from a traffice jam). You know: wiping down the microwave and around the dishwasher door, checking for cobwebs and clean sheets, picking up stray toys in and outside.
Years ago I stayed awake as long as I had to, to get everything as perfect as I could before our parents arrived in town. I just can't do it anymore. As a matter of fact, my mother pleads for me not to so that I'll be better company when they arrive. Lately, I've heard here and there people sloughing off the importance of sleep. I even know some people who follow a little catch phrase about it. It's mostly men, who don't have to produce milk for a baby nor get up with the baby throughout the night. Those things aside, simply missing an hour of sleep every evening accounts for an entire night when the week is done. So then, is it okay to drive sleepy, stunt growth, compromise immunity, nod off God knows where? What's noble about combating tiredness? You don't really think you've achieved anything when you have to caffeinate or medicate to make it through the day, do you?
And what about my personal vice, overeating to compensate for running out of steam? No matter the time I awake, about 4 every afternoon, I just plain crash. I have resolved solidly that it's not time for me to eat, but time for "church". I can't just go on Sunday and Wednesday and all the other mornings; I have to go late afternoon, too. He knows when I'm running out of Him. BUT I remember all the years of bearing young children and the temptation to eat to keep moving through my sleep deprived haze. Even statistics prove it now.
I'm short with people when I lack sleep. I care little for looking forward, rather surviving the day. AND when I'm weak in body, I'm weak in mind. When I'm deliriously sleepy, my mind wanders into places it shouldn't. I know the verse about "a little folding of the hands". I also know the verse in my favorite Old Testament book, Ecclesiastes: "The sleep of a labouring man is sweet ..." Not sure why that has to be tampered with.
I did miss some sleep in the last couple of weeks and didn't make up for it in time to prevent the condition that catches up with me everytime my body is brought under duress. It drains me down to nothing ...and as a close friend's dad views his same sickness, keeps him in check for what he's doing to himself. He turns his curse into a blessing!
This week was full of those, blessings. You see, for almost every birthday that one of our children had, there was a coinciding one. Madalynn shared her birthday with my 94 year old friend. She couldn't come over for breakfast, so we decided to pop in but her family had swooped her away for lunch already. We left what we'd brought and went on our way. Since we didn't plan any parties, even using leftover decorations and specified homemade treats by Melody, I took each child individually to the restaurant of their choice and to spend the day with anyone of their choice. Madalynn had wanted to return to Red Lobster this year and to buy a fishing pole and to have over the family of her friend, Eliza (whose own birthday party was Saturday night). Little did we know that our aged friend would call the next day saying, "Michelle, did you know that I only got roses 2 times in my life?! About 40 years ago my husband bought a bunch for me ...and now you bought me some."
I'm fully aware that Proverbs says, "Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips." But, really, this was not a burdening gift, just Walmart roses. The point is that I've asked myself and the children to distinctly set our minds to serving others. I'd borne the idea of flowers since her appreciation for them spills out into her yard, but McKala meticulously picked them out, brilliantly pink shorn up in succulent greenery. Our small deeds can make a world of difference and this time I got to taste it. Her sweet response was as much a blessing to me.
Per Michael's brainstorm, McKala's birthday meal was spent in a pizzeria in the mountains where she grew up ...with her childhood guy friend and her keeper of a girl friend she's had through her teens. They were fine to sit and talk and laugh with this mom for hours about all manner of events, beliefs, good times and bad. I couldn't ask for our daughter to have chosen better fellowship.
Michael's birthday stayed true to past years and didn't go smoothly. I'd hoped that a teammate could join him for go karting but his friend had broken his foot. He wasn't sure what he wanted as a gift and instead of wasting money, came home with nothing EXCEPT a stomach full of King Crab :) However, he DID know what he wanted his Pop to have. It's something of a joke around here about Pop (and Michael too), that he takes everything back, but Michael caught wind during their last visit that Pop wanted a Falcon's Gonzalez shirt. Michael took it upon himself to place a customized order and have it shipped to him for his birthday today!
Lastly was Macklynn's birthday. When I called his penpal's mother about surprising him, she said her son's birthday was 4 days later. So we planned a day for them of Mexican food and bowling. They hadn't seen each other since last summer. Gage is the smallest boy in his class and Macklynn would likely be the biggest. Gage's hair is sort of long and Macklynn's is really short. Gage exudes creativity and Macklynn is eccentrically practical. Gage is teased and I wish Macklynn could be there to back him up. They share something that I hope they'll keep a long, long time.
Afterwards, Macklynn and I went to spend his birthday money and when we were on the way home, he said from the backseat, "Mama, look how many presents I have!" It really wasn't much, but that he emphatically believed it was made me tear up with gladness.
The kids are growing up, exhibited by mature selflessness this week. When I returned from an appointment Wednesday, McKala had everything out of the frig, voluntarily cleaning it. The prior day she'd made a massive tent for the little ones over the 15 ft frame of the swings and played with them all afternoon. Out of the blue, Michael took Macklynn to show him how to properly use his new hatchet and Madalynn, her rod. He built them a fire and did it up right!
McKala just brought me home a Tijuana Mama from her joyride. Again, it's not much, but I know I was in her thoughts ...and I'll take that! Just like I'll take the calls from Megan and Miranda in Georgia. That they call with good news and bad, for advice or just a sounding board, during lunch breaks or late night after shifts end, makes my day - that our adult daughters consider me a confidante! I have a son who wants to shoot with me. I have a Melody who will sing with me, giving hugs that she used to withhold. I have 2 young wards left me, who should gain from all I've learned with their siblings and before they're grown, if this world's still spinning, I'll find little ones underfoot again in the natural progression of the full quiver we've been blessed with.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
As I sit here trying to recall the weekend, the big kids are outside around a bonfire with Jaycie, while Madalynn watches her new movie for the 4th time and Mike researches a repair for work. Macklynn's outside with them and since he turned 8 today, he's well on his way to being "big". He wanted chocolate covered strawberries for his birthday, so Melody made them just like she made cake balls for Madalynn's, cheesecake for Michael's, and picked out jumbo blueberry muffins for McKala's. Yes, I have survived our 8 day whirlwind of birthdays! Plus, Valentine's out with Mike AND joining our church on Sunday!
You heard it here: we found a church home after searching for almost a decade. Truth is we were worn from not finding a place to settle. Our "church" wardrobe was even depleted from the apathy that crept up on us. I am certain that church service is not about fashion. Every time I start to think so, I remember how pretty I thought I looked in my yellow Easter dress at Burkemont Baptist when I was a preteen. I'm sure I didn't even know what the preacher preached that Sunday. However, there IS something to be said for trimmed nails and hair, clean ears, polished shoes, ironed shirts, matching socks, and overall modesty.
So, the Sunday that Mike looks over at me and asks, "You wanna do it today or when the girls return," I say, "We don't know when that'll be, so yeah," and turn my head to the children to my right, he's already stepped out into the isle to the left! Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled. We knew the first day that we'd found our place. But, when I beckoned the kids to follow, I think they mistook it as an altar call ...and were trying to figure out why we all had to go ;) Bless their hearts, I just now explained to Macklynn and Madalynn what we had done, that we had a place to go every Sunday and we didn't have to visit anywhere else, that we can do everything they do. The first thing Macklynn says, "So, we can eat there now too?" Ha!
As we made our way to the front, thankfully I forgot that Macklynn had on an inside out athletic sock; that Madalynn's tights were frayed and the back of her hair almost as much; that when Melody went to shave there was no hot water, so she grabbed a pair of wrinkled pants from her closet floor that were too snug, but I had imagined we might slink in unnoticed; that McKala had on an assortment of spring and winter items that I doubted her new birthday boots carried; that I had on Miranda's sweater with a hole and her pants that are too long for me and too form fitting since I've not exercised in so long, sporting a day old, snowed on, flat "do"; and that Mike needed a haircut, which we told him we'd do the night before, EXCEPT that we didn't get home until 2 am!
McKala, Michael, Melody, and had driven to Greensboro for Winter Jam (a concert of all genres of Christian music), something I've been spoiled to have Megan or Miranda to take them to until this year. There we were in the falling snow waiting 3 hours for tickets, surrounded by thousands and thousands of enthusiastic fans. We saw old friends and made new ones, particularly a businessman of small stature who was sharing his oversized umbrella with others, who I assumed were his family. But they weren't; he was kindly standing in line alone so that his wife didn't have to endure the weather. He eventually told me that he was an addict until 2 years ago. His wife and children are still distant, leary of his claims for Christ. His daughter hugs her mother at night but not him. I immediately had empathy for him since Mike's experienced the same thing. As they opened the doors prematurely so we could escape the cold, he told me he'd pray for Mike and me; then I remembered to ask him their names ...Randy and Bobbi they are. He has a long road ahead of him because she doesn't have any particular interest in Godly endeavors ...so remember people like these in your prayers.
The night began roughly since we couldn't decide on seating, then Melody bumped the batteries out of the camera and couldn't find one of them. I got onto her pretty harshly about her discontent. I decided to remedy it with searching for the battery myself, so when the crowd stood to their feet, I went hunting ...and I found it! She still was slumped in her chair and although I never buy venue food, I knew she was hungry; so I went for it anyway ...only to find that those southern Christians had bought out all the fried chicken! Fries had to sustain and she cheered up, taking several good pictures. I couldn't let a rift ruin a night of worship. I want Melody to enjoy Christian music the way she does all the others.
We were thoroughly entertained and encouraged and HUNGRY at night's end, but I passed one too many McDonald's full of church vans and then they were all closed. So, we ended up way out of the way at a Waffle House. The kids knew we didn't need to spend the money, just how they did when I offered a CD or T-Shirt at the concert. After all, it's wholesome music and birthday season at that, AND they'd paid their own ways in ...but they refused the merchandise ...and I got a glimpse of humility in them, the best thing a parent could ask for.
On the way home, McKala, usually the first one on the "church train", pleaded for me not to wake her up in the morning. But when I made my way into our bedroom, Mike said that the new guy at work was bringing his wife to come visit the church with us.
When the alarm went off, Mike said, "Wake up the kids; we're all going." I stumbled around bribing them with coffee as they begged me off. I scavenged the frig for odds and ends to suffice for breakfast. We got everybody's body parts covered but we looked haggard at best. Then, as we set off for our 30 minute trip, Mike and I had a disagreement that could've evolved into one of those "turn the car around" deals. By the time we got there, I was still visibly upset; so I bid everyone ahead of me while I sat in the car to gather myself. Within minutes, it became clear I'd become overly tired and stressed (even though it was from a lot of good things) and Satan was on my coattails, simply trying to obscure God's providence.
However, I had no earthly idea why the negative tug was so hard ...until Mike made that move to the isle. I'll give you credit here for the obvious: 1. We were up 'til the wee hours. 2. We looked a mess. 3. We barely missed a knock down drag out. Joining the church might not have happened, at least not anytime soon since Mike travels so much, if we'd given in to human frailty at any given level, at any given moment!
I have so many other things I'd like to recount here, things we did and said on each child's birthday, but what I'm gonna leave this with is: don't let the logistics bog you down. Because the closer we get to God, the quicker the devil will jump in the mix to thwart what is bound to happen. It's NOT about whys, wheres, hows, and how could yous. It's about a thing that's vastly bigger than we are. It's about a God who's just waiting for us to turn our faces heavenward. Sometimes, it IS about the waiting and the not knowing. But I mean, once you're sold out to Christ, it's like this, one of my favorites: " Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ." ~ Philippians 3:8. There's more of me for Him to take, so as TobyMac sang Saturday night, "I'll just step out the way," ...so He can "steal my show". If you have a problem, that's the solution ...and don't forget there's always more at play than we understand ...so on Mike's behalf, I'll announce that he's been diagnosed this Tuesday morning with bronchitis, an ear infection, and a sinus infection even though he's been on 2 rounds of antibiotics, so Sunday morning was surely trying for him also.
You heard it here: we found a church home after searching for almost a decade. Truth is we were worn from not finding a place to settle. Our "church" wardrobe was even depleted from the apathy that crept up on us. I am certain that church service is not about fashion. Every time I start to think so, I remember how pretty I thought I looked in my yellow Easter dress at Burkemont Baptist when I was a preteen. I'm sure I didn't even know what the preacher preached that Sunday. However, there IS something to be said for trimmed nails and hair, clean ears, polished shoes, ironed shirts, matching socks, and overall modesty.
So, the Sunday that Mike looks over at me and asks, "You wanna do it today or when the girls return," I say, "We don't know when that'll be, so yeah," and turn my head to the children to my right, he's already stepped out into the isle to the left! Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled. We knew the first day that we'd found our place. But, when I beckoned the kids to follow, I think they mistook it as an altar call ...and were trying to figure out why we all had to go ;) Bless their hearts, I just now explained to Macklynn and Madalynn what we had done, that we had a place to go every Sunday and we didn't have to visit anywhere else, that we can do everything they do. The first thing Macklynn says, "So, we can eat there now too?" Ha!
As we made our way to the front, thankfully I forgot that Macklynn had on an inside out athletic sock; that Madalynn's tights were frayed and the back of her hair almost as much; that when Melody went to shave there was no hot water, so she grabbed a pair of wrinkled pants from her closet floor that were too snug, but I had imagined we might slink in unnoticed; that McKala had on an assortment of spring and winter items that I doubted her new birthday boots carried; that I had on Miranda's sweater with a hole and her pants that are too long for me and too form fitting since I've not exercised in so long, sporting a day old, snowed on, flat "do"; and that Mike needed a haircut, which we told him we'd do the night before, EXCEPT that we didn't get home until 2 am!
McKala, Michael, Melody, and had driven to Greensboro for Winter Jam (a concert of all genres of Christian music), something I've been spoiled to have Megan or Miranda to take them to until this year. There we were in the falling snow waiting 3 hours for tickets, surrounded by thousands and thousands of enthusiastic fans. We saw old friends and made new ones, particularly a businessman of small stature who was sharing his oversized umbrella with others, who I assumed were his family. But they weren't; he was kindly standing in line alone so that his wife didn't have to endure the weather. He eventually told me that he was an addict until 2 years ago. His wife and children are still distant, leary of his claims for Christ. His daughter hugs her mother at night but not him. I immediately had empathy for him since Mike's experienced the same thing. As they opened the doors prematurely so we could escape the cold, he told me he'd pray for Mike and me; then I remembered to ask him their names ...Randy and Bobbi they are. He has a long road ahead of him because she doesn't have any particular interest in Godly endeavors ...so remember people like these in your prayers.
The night began roughly since we couldn't decide on seating, then Melody bumped the batteries out of the camera and couldn't find one of them. I got onto her pretty harshly about her discontent. I decided to remedy it with searching for the battery myself, so when the crowd stood to their feet, I went hunting ...and I found it! She still was slumped in her chair and although I never buy venue food, I knew she was hungry; so I went for it anyway ...only to find that those southern Christians had bought out all the fried chicken! Fries had to sustain and she cheered up, taking several good pictures. I couldn't let a rift ruin a night of worship. I want Melody to enjoy Christian music the way she does all the others.
We were thoroughly entertained and encouraged and HUNGRY at night's end, but I passed one too many McDonald's full of church vans and then they were all closed. So, we ended up way out of the way at a Waffle House. The kids knew we didn't need to spend the money, just how they did when I offered a CD or T-Shirt at the concert. After all, it's wholesome music and birthday season at that, AND they'd paid their own ways in ...but they refused the merchandise ...and I got a glimpse of humility in them, the best thing a parent could ask for.
On the way home, McKala, usually the first one on the "church train", pleaded for me not to wake her up in the morning. But when I made my way into our bedroom, Mike said that the new guy at work was bringing his wife to come visit the church with us.
When the alarm went off, Mike said, "Wake up the kids; we're all going." I stumbled around bribing them with coffee as they begged me off. I scavenged the frig for odds and ends to suffice for breakfast. We got everybody's body parts covered but we looked haggard at best. Then, as we set off for our 30 minute trip, Mike and I had a disagreement that could've evolved into one of those "turn the car around" deals. By the time we got there, I was still visibly upset; so I bid everyone ahead of me while I sat in the car to gather myself. Within minutes, it became clear I'd become overly tired and stressed (even though it was from a lot of good things) and Satan was on my coattails, simply trying to obscure God's providence.
However, I had no earthly idea why the negative tug was so hard ...until Mike made that move to the isle. I'll give you credit here for the obvious: 1. We were up 'til the wee hours. 2. We looked a mess. 3. We barely missed a knock down drag out. Joining the church might not have happened, at least not anytime soon since Mike travels so much, if we'd given in to human frailty at any given level, at any given moment!
I have so many other things I'd like to recount here, things we did and said on each child's birthday, but what I'm gonna leave this with is: don't let the logistics bog you down. Because the closer we get to God, the quicker the devil will jump in the mix to thwart what is bound to happen. It's NOT about whys, wheres, hows, and how could yous. It's about a thing that's vastly bigger than we are. It's about a God who's just waiting for us to turn our faces heavenward. Sometimes, it IS about the waiting and the not knowing. But I mean, once you're sold out to Christ, it's like this, one of my favorites: " Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ." ~ Philippians 3:8. There's more of me for Him to take, so as TobyMac sang Saturday night, "I'll just step out the way," ...so He can "steal my show". If you have a problem, that's the solution ...and don't forget there's always more at play than we understand ...so on Mike's behalf, I'll announce that he's been diagnosed this Tuesday morning with bronchitis, an ear infection, and a sinus infection even though he's been on 2 rounds of antibiotics, so Sunday morning was surely trying for him also.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Not a Natural
I just took Michael a pancake, here at 6:10 pm, because I blew up on him when he was making them after church. I was in my own little world searing a roast, thinking about Megan just leaving for Georgia, and that I needed an apron on, and that I thawed out too much meat, and that I was hungry. I could just barely hear him ask where the whisk was. He asked again. I said I didn't know. He kept on ...and I snapped. He muttered something and I lost it. I think he thought I was ignoring him. What I tried to explain to them on the ride home today is just how many balls I have to juggle right not. The problem with prodding people is that we don't know how much pressure they're already under and how explosive the reaction can be ...nevermind PMS.
God has brought us through the heat and now we just have an awful lot of decisions to make. The thing that is still terrific about being an American is that we have choices. The thing about following Jesus is not just making good choices but the best choices. Right now we still need to downsize. For the most part, we've cycled out of help from "the system". As I just told a "soul sister", every aspect of our lives has something up in the air. Should we live close to Mike's work and our new church? Should we have available space there for our daughters in Georgia? Should we start a full fledged garden not knowing and if we don't, will we be able to afford not having one? Should we even consider moving away from access to a football team, Michael's passion, and if so, should we permit his attendance at boarding school to replace it? Isn't 15 too young, especially when we finally found a solidly Biblical church that is burdened to disciple young adults? Should we let him buy the only possession he desires, a powerful dirt bike? Should McKala try to work near her Daddy since they need to share the car? Should we sell the animals? Should we buy one more car since only 5 fit in the one we have? Should we this? Should we that? Should we?
You say, "The Lord knows what is best." Of course, He does. Adhering to that path is a little easier said than done. We have so, so many variables. Virtually every area of our lives is still in limbo. What I do know is limbo is where God needs us so that he can restructure us for His purposes. The other thing I know is that I have all my children, my husband, my parents, and my health; so I have NOTHING to truly complain about.
That's why I do what I do. I'm thankful. I don't deserve a thing that I have. I'm not a soft spoken wife. I'm not a bold enough Christian. I'm not even a particularly good mother; I don't like crafts and games. I proved today I hold no special patience. I'm often too strict or not strict enough. I have almost no common sense. Sometimes I wander aimlessly from task to task. I'm not much of a "natural" anything that I want to be. When my eyes aren't fixed on Christ, I'm vain. I like attention, just like the teenage girl I used to be. I like some good southern rock. I like a good drink. I'm a happy tipsy. In and of themselves those things don't seem harmful, maybe not even bad. But right now, God is asking for my best. Good choices can be good and still not be God. My "good" plans limit what God has in store far and above them.
You know how I know there is a God and that He knows what is best? Because I've never been so close to Him. My soul stirs at the thought of Him, not what He can do for me, but what He has done for me already. As the stationery that my sweet friend made for me says, "All I have seen teaches me to trust for all I have not seen ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson."
Where are you in life? What doesn't make sense? Where are you struggling? Who in your family is suffering? You don't think God is available? Or do you just take Him for granted? You're not a "natural" at Godly things? You're distracted and need a break to focus - I always thought that was the problem. "God, I need a smooth run here, at least for a while, to get my bearings straight." I guess God knew I'd turn back to things that were good in my own eyes, as fine as they may've been, so in the last 5 years: Mike had a procedure that caused aortic dissections when our 7th baby was only 5 weeks old. When all was said and done, life as we knew it was over but my husband lived. I had a son become a quadriplegic but he walked out of the hospital under his own power 9 days later. Our kitchen caught fire in the house we rent and my hand was burned badly but with no permanent damage. I had an almost unbearable temptation, but my husband came to the Lord in the midst of it. I had a time of emotional numbness, but now I cry every time I think of the sacrifice of my Saviour. I had 2 homeless little boys here for 2 months and even though their mother "ripped" them away creating shock and great sadness, my children learned what is to take care of the needy. I had a friendship blossom and whither away all in the same season, but I still pray for her and will always care about her. I had a daughter have to make choices that leave her "friendless" right now. I had a husband who lost control of his truck, ran into the median, went airborn over a culvert, crossed two more lanes of traffic, went up an embankment, rolled over ...and walked away, but his tractor trailer was a total loss, the beginning of the end of his self employment. I had a daughter who became a prodigal but I went to her in her hour (and stayed for a week) of need and now she is fully restored. I had children who invested in calves, babied and bottle fed them and watched helplessly as they tried everything to stop the death that struck half of them. I had a daughter who was overcome with fear and doubt and through much turmoil and counsel is renewed and cheerful in her faith. I had yet another daughter, healthiest one of the bunch, come down with asthma so badly that she was basically on bedrest for 4 months, yet her spirit has grown as she puts God before herself. At the same time, I had a husband whose business spiraled into bankrupty, but by God opening doors, he is working full time in ministry now. But then he broke his leg 2 weeks into the job, but there was Workman's Comp. Just as I was settling into the new year, we had a septic backup into the house all the way into the ceiling and had to live in the Holiday Inn for 3 weeks when they made a crucial discovery, mold, ...which was making our daughter sick.
This is not all. It doesn't include daily disasters. You might be thinking, "Man, you people must be doing something wrong to deserve all that." In part, that's true. But I think it proves there is never an excuse, never, ever, ever to say, "I can't." If WE can, if this marriage can, if these kids can through all the upheaval; then you can. If anything is getting between you and the Lord, if anything is preventing your children from knowing Him, if anything comes before Him, LOSE IT. Moms, if your husband and your kids need you, don't let your circumstances, your finances, your fear, or yourself hinder it. Don't plan on society, even church, getting your kids where they need to be. It falls on you and you can do it. Get out of the box, out of your plans, out of your good ideas, out of the norm, and into the realm of God. And if you weren't "born" with what you think you need to do it, our Lord is faithful to supply it.
God has brought us through the heat and now we just have an awful lot of decisions to make. The thing that is still terrific about being an American is that we have choices. The thing about following Jesus is not just making good choices but the best choices. Right now we still need to downsize. For the most part, we've cycled out of help from "the system". As I just told a "soul sister", every aspect of our lives has something up in the air. Should we live close to Mike's work and our new church? Should we have available space there for our daughters in Georgia? Should we start a full fledged garden not knowing and if we don't, will we be able to afford not having one? Should we even consider moving away from access to a football team, Michael's passion, and if so, should we permit his attendance at boarding school to replace it? Isn't 15 too young, especially when we finally found a solidly Biblical church that is burdened to disciple young adults? Should we let him buy the only possession he desires, a powerful dirt bike? Should McKala try to work near her Daddy since they need to share the car? Should we sell the animals? Should we buy one more car since only 5 fit in the one we have? Should we this? Should we that? Should we?
You say, "The Lord knows what is best." Of course, He does. Adhering to that path is a little easier said than done. We have so, so many variables. Virtually every area of our lives is still in limbo. What I do know is limbo is where God needs us so that he can restructure us for His purposes. The other thing I know is that I have all my children, my husband, my parents, and my health; so I have NOTHING to truly complain about.
That's why I do what I do. I'm thankful. I don't deserve a thing that I have. I'm not a soft spoken wife. I'm not a bold enough Christian. I'm not even a particularly good mother; I don't like crafts and games. I proved today I hold no special patience. I'm often too strict or not strict enough. I have almost no common sense. Sometimes I wander aimlessly from task to task. I'm not much of a "natural" anything that I want to be. When my eyes aren't fixed on Christ, I'm vain. I like attention, just like the teenage girl I used to be. I like some good southern rock. I like a good drink. I'm a happy tipsy. In and of themselves those things don't seem harmful, maybe not even bad. But right now, God is asking for my best. Good choices can be good and still not be God. My "good" plans limit what God has in store far and above them.
You know how I know there is a God and that He knows what is best? Because I've never been so close to Him. My soul stirs at the thought of Him, not what He can do for me, but what He has done for me already. As the stationery that my sweet friend made for me says, "All I have seen teaches me to trust for all I have not seen ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson."
Where are you in life? What doesn't make sense? Where are you struggling? Who in your family is suffering? You don't think God is available? Or do you just take Him for granted? You're not a "natural" at Godly things? You're distracted and need a break to focus - I always thought that was the problem. "God, I need a smooth run here, at least for a while, to get my bearings straight." I guess God knew I'd turn back to things that were good in my own eyes, as fine as they may've been, so in the last 5 years: Mike had a procedure that caused aortic dissections when our 7th baby was only 5 weeks old. When all was said and done, life as we knew it was over but my husband lived. I had a son become a quadriplegic but he walked out of the hospital under his own power 9 days later. Our kitchen caught fire in the house we rent and my hand was burned badly but with no permanent damage. I had an almost unbearable temptation, but my husband came to the Lord in the midst of it. I had a time of emotional numbness, but now I cry every time I think of the sacrifice of my Saviour. I had 2 homeless little boys here for 2 months and even though their mother "ripped" them away creating shock and great sadness, my children learned what is to take care of the needy. I had a friendship blossom and whither away all in the same season, but I still pray for her and will always care about her. I had a daughter have to make choices that leave her "friendless" right now. I had a husband who lost control of his truck, ran into the median, went airborn over a culvert, crossed two more lanes of traffic, went up an embankment, rolled over ...and walked away, but his tractor trailer was a total loss, the beginning of the end of his self employment. I had a daughter who became a prodigal but I went to her in her hour (and stayed for a week) of need and now she is fully restored. I had children who invested in calves, babied and bottle fed them and watched helplessly as they tried everything to stop the death that struck half of them. I had a daughter who was overcome with fear and doubt and through much turmoil and counsel is renewed and cheerful in her faith. I had yet another daughter, healthiest one of the bunch, come down with asthma so badly that she was basically on bedrest for 4 months, yet her spirit has grown as she puts God before herself. At the same time, I had a husband whose business spiraled into bankrupty, but by God opening doors, he is working full time in ministry now. But then he broke his leg 2 weeks into the job, but there was Workman's Comp. Just as I was settling into the new year, we had a septic backup into the house all the way into the ceiling and had to live in the Holiday Inn for 3 weeks when they made a crucial discovery, mold, ...which was making our daughter sick.
This is not all. It doesn't include daily disasters. You might be thinking, "Man, you people must be doing something wrong to deserve all that." In part, that's true. But I think it proves there is never an excuse, never, ever, ever to say, "I can't." If WE can, if this marriage can, if these kids can through all the upheaval; then you can. If anything is getting between you and the Lord, if anything is preventing your children from knowing Him, if anything comes before Him, LOSE IT. Moms, if your husband and your kids need you, don't let your circumstances, your finances, your fear, or yourself hinder it. Don't plan on society, even church, getting your kids where they need to be. It falls on you and you can do it. Get out of the box, out of your plans, out of your good ideas, out of the norm, and into the realm of God. And if you weren't "born" with what you think you need to do it, our Lord is faithful to supply it.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Shoddy
3 weeks to the day in the Holiday Inn Express, we got to come home last Thursday! We managed to sled, fish, swim, volunteer with Mike, give each other haircuts, get Melody's braces on, take McKala for an interview at Chick-fil-A, visit with friends and family, who led us to find ourselves a church, during that time. Mike swept me away to watch "Les Miserables" once more; took me, McKala, and her "special friend" to lunch on a Saturday afternoon; and lastly drove us, more like "spun us", around in the icy snow to get to Golden Corral, which normally isn't our "cup of tea" but the little guys were in awe of the spread and everyone was silly over the endless cotton candy.
The first 2 weeks were like vacation. By the third, the kids had memorized the infomercials and I was feeling the stress of being "on guard" 24/7. Funny how we had our little "routine" there. We got to know all the staff and some of their personal stories. 2 of them told us that better children had never stayed there. I was awfully pleased but, at the same time, worried that today's standards are so much lower, I'm not sure a compliment like that means what it used to.
We had so many things weighing down the car on the way home that Mike kept thinking a tire was getting low. I guess we surprised the workers, even though we'd told them we were coming back when the mold was removed. The house was so neat that I almost want to go back to the hotel. A lot of today will be spent putting the rest of things back in order. After my physical yesterday morning, I got virtually nothing done. I napped a rare nap and napped again. I got up long enough to eat leftover Super Bowl pizza, play Lincoln Logs with Macklynn and Go Fish with Madalynn, and finally watch America's Funniest Videos with Melody and Michael. I slept this morning 'til I couldn't sleep anymore. You know, sometimes a body needs to do that.
Sunday we missed church because of snotty noses and nasty coughs, something I wouldn't dare force on someone else just because I "had" to get to church. We did get a car! We drove to Lenoir and bought it off a family that had just put it on Craig's List. If I recall correctly, it is the first car we've had that was PAID IN FULL. Nevermind the year and aesthetic condition ;)
We got home in enough time to make homemade pizza. Just as we were getting into the first quarter, the TV went out. We went to the phone to report it, and IT was out. Even internet service was down. As usual, we checked all the bills to make sure I hadn't fouled up. When we heard on the radio that the lights at the dome were out, we worried a little. Turns out there was some kind of fiberoptic failure here and life goes on!
The morning before, Mike and I drove McKala to Charlotte Douglas Airport so she could board the flight to Atlanta that her sisters paid for as her 16th birthday gift. She loved it. Our Georgia family is entertaining her well and Megan will bring her back on Friday which will begin our yearly "FebFest". McKala's birthday is the 11th; Madalynn's is the 12th; Michael's is the 15th; Macklynn's is the 18th. We'll have one get her license and one get his permit! We're due for "Homeschool Ski Day" (ha!) and the Winter Jam concert, much less the individual things I like to do with them.
Mike won't get to take the boys to Daytona for their birthdays this year because he's been released to work! He's already been "deployed" to New York. I pray it gets him out of the "haze" that's surrounded him since he broke his leg; getting onto what he was hired for should be the inspiration that evaporates it.
Friday was a day of "reestablishing headquarters". It was also the day that brought on the main idea for this blog. As the workers were putting the finishing touches on, I realized they were leaving some pretty shoddy work. In a brief conversation before the lead contractor left, he revealed he knows the landlord because he "preaches for him sometimes". I surprised my own self with a high pitch, "You're a preacher?!" It hadn't occurred to me at all. The only evidence I had was when we "showed up", the K-Love Mike left on was still playing and maybe even louder.
Until he insuated he was done working, the contractor hadn't given me much reason to think he wasn't a Christian. On the other hand, he hadn't given me any reason to think he was. He was leaving things cosmetically worse than he found them, even though the adjuster said his bid was high.
The question is this: is someone questioning the validity of our faith because of our shoddy work? If we do all to the glory of God, why in the world would we leave things undone and expect payment for them? Why do we cut corners, hoping no one will notice? BECAUSE we haven't died to ourselves! We're still trying to get one up on someone, no matter if it ruins our testimony.
REALLY? Are we satisfied with what God's doing in our own lives so much that we would sacrifice what is best for another?! What kind of religion is that? Oh yeah, "religion" IS the problem. If our lives aren't changed enough to be "infectious" to others, then what good is any of it?
Is there someone, anyone who'd be surprised if you confessed you're a Christian? Count it as shame, as I have myself, and get right with God ...before that acquaintance, like my neighbor's best friend's husband, doesn't wake from his sleep and the loss of opportunity is counted against you. Too, if someone's kid blesses you with a drink and snack, don't leave the trash on the piano when you go.
The first 2 weeks were like vacation. By the third, the kids had memorized the infomercials and I was feeling the stress of being "on guard" 24/7. Funny how we had our little "routine" there. We got to know all the staff and some of their personal stories. 2 of them told us that better children had never stayed there. I was awfully pleased but, at the same time, worried that today's standards are so much lower, I'm not sure a compliment like that means what it used to.
We had so many things weighing down the car on the way home that Mike kept thinking a tire was getting low. I guess we surprised the workers, even though we'd told them we were coming back when the mold was removed. The house was so neat that I almost want to go back to the hotel. A lot of today will be spent putting the rest of things back in order. After my physical yesterday morning, I got virtually nothing done. I napped a rare nap and napped again. I got up long enough to eat leftover Super Bowl pizza, play Lincoln Logs with Macklynn and Go Fish with Madalynn, and finally watch America's Funniest Videos with Melody and Michael. I slept this morning 'til I couldn't sleep anymore. You know, sometimes a body needs to do that.
Sunday we missed church because of snotty noses and nasty coughs, something I wouldn't dare force on someone else just because I "had" to get to church. We did get a car! We drove to Lenoir and bought it off a family that had just put it on Craig's List. If I recall correctly, it is the first car we've had that was PAID IN FULL. Nevermind the year and aesthetic condition ;)
We got home in enough time to make homemade pizza. Just as we were getting into the first quarter, the TV went out. We went to the phone to report it, and IT was out. Even internet service was down. As usual, we checked all the bills to make sure I hadn't fouled up. When we heard on the radio that the lights at the dome were out, we worried a little. Turns out there was some kind of fiberoptic failure here and life goes on!
The morning before, Mike and I drove McKala to Charlotte Douglas Airport so she could board the flight to Atlanta that her sisters paid for as her 16th birthday gift. She loved it. Our Georgia family is entertaining her well and Megan will bring her back on Friday which will begin our yearly "FebFest". McKala's birthday is the 11th; Madalynn's is the 12th; Michael's is the 15th; Macklynn's is the 18th. We'll have one get her license and one get his permit! We're due for "Homeschool Ski Day" (ha!) and the Winter Jam concert, much less the individual things I like to do with them.
Mike won't get to take the boys to Daytona for their birthdays this year because he's been released to work! He's already been "deployed" to New York. I pray it gets him out of the "haze" that's surrounded him since he broke his leg; getting onto what he was hired for should be the inspiration that evaporates it.
Friday was a day of "reestablishing headquarters". It was also the day that brought on the main idea for this blog. As the workers were putting the finishing touches on, I realized they were leaving some pretty shoddy work. In a brief conversation before the lead contractor left, he revealed he knows the landlord because he "preaches for him sometimes". I surprised my own self with a high pitch, "You're a preacher?!" It hadn't occurred to me at all. The only evidence I had was when we "showed up", the K-Love Mike left on was still playing and maybe even louder.
Until he insuated he was done working, the contractor hadn't given me much reason to think he wasn't a Christian. On the other hand, he hadn't given me any reason to think he was. He was leaving things cosmetically worse than he found them, even though the adjuster said his bid was high.
The question is this: is someone questioning the validity of our faith because of our shoddy work? If we do all to the glory of God, why in the world would we leave things undone and expect payment for them? Why do we cut corners, hoping no one will notice? BECAUSE we haven't died to ourselves! We're still trying to get one up on someone, no matter if it ruins our testimony.
REALLY? Are we satisfied with what God's doing in our own lives so much that we would sacrifice what is best for another?! What kind of religion is that? Oh yeah, "religion" IS the problem. If our lives aren't changed enough to be "infectious" to others, then what good is any of it?
Is there someone, anyone who'd be surprised if you confessed you're a Christian? Count it as shame, as I have myself, and get right with God ...before that acquaintance, like my neighbor's best friend's husband, doesn't wake from his sleep and the loss of opportunity is counted against you. Too, if someone's kid blesses you with a drink and snack, don't leave the trash on the piano when you go.
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