Reminders

     I just came in from the porch listening to the laughter of the family Melody is photographing.  A family friend picked up on her ability to take good candid shots.  She has an eye for light and graphics.  I'm so glad because she so easily falls prey to what her peers are portraying that she often can't see her own possibilities.   The surrounding pictures are ones she took of her sisters in the last week.
     As the family arrived, McKala drove up with Michael.  She picked him up from the internship he's doing with a large animal veterinarian.  McKala had asked me to come by Chick-fil-A before I dropped Michael off.  She had gotten me a gift card and had made a special dessert.  To top it off, her superior came to the table and said, "I haven't told McKala this yet but she is such a hard worker.  I could train 100 people to go out in the dining room and I'd have to go behind what they left, but McKala, not at all." 
     We'd come by to see McKala after I'd taken the boys fishing at the lake.  Macklynn had been invited to come fishing at the residence of McKala's boss.  Out of good will, he said he could come any time and Macklynn surely took him up on him.  He spotted him to hit him up halfway through the meal at church Wednesday night. 

     We were met by their Chocolate Lab and the neighbor's Pit Bull/Boxer mix. We walked down the hill to the dock as church bells chimed in the distance.  As soon as Michael put on his new line, Macklynn dropped his night crawler down in the water and started catching Brim right away.  Michael casted toward a fallen tree and almost had a big one.  The two of them argued which had more value and Macklynn won with the meal all his small ones would make compared to Michael's no catch at all! 
     I took off my button up shirt, flipped up my jean legs and sat there in their white Adirondack chair surrounded by all God's glory in my bare feet and white tank, with my hair blowing in the clear blue sky.   It was such a change from the "jagged little pills" I had to swallow the day before.  Most everyone was venting their frustrations that we never seem to complete anything, that I start things and don't finish ...and they're right.
     It was humbling to sit again in the presence of the One who set into motion the waves of the water, the wispy clouds of the sky, and the varying foliage of the trees.  He's the one who sends the warmth of the sun to find me as if it's the touch of His own hand.  There I was sharing it with our boys in a place offered by people who surely didn't have to. 
     The boys threw bread out for the fish.  Soon enough the Lab figured it out and swam out to retrieve it for himself.  The other dog visited with me and I got to squeeze its precious face the way I used to Tootsie's.  Then they'd run off to find driftwood to tug away from each other.  Soon enough, it was time to get lunch and leave Michael at the Vet's office.  On the way home, Macklynn was sitting behind me and said, "I had a good time."  He doesn't say much, so I know he meant it, just like when he and I were sitting on the porch in the rockers a few days ago; and as we looked toward the pond, he asked, "How will Earth become Heaven?" and followed it quickly with, "Will there be fish there?"  He finished it pensively with, "I hope so."  Those are the moments I live for, the moments that make it okay when things are undone. 
     When we got home, Miranda had cleaned out the carport, started the laundry that's piled up over the last 2 weeks of dirty well water, dusted and organized the bookshelf, mowed the front yard, and weed eaten the important areas for Melody to do the photo shoot that she forgot to tell us she had offered our property for.  This morning she got up and helped Michael cultivate our neighbor's garden with the horse he would normally use, except that the neighbor had a heart attack and just got out of the hospital.  That man is already out mowing his yard and ours and has just left this Saturday morning to do someone else's!  Michael is weed eating for him in exchange.  That same neighbor stopped by the other day on his motorcycle and as we talked about how Michael doesn't gun, the way most boys would, his Dad's old dual motorcycle he rides, he said, "My mama would've given anything to have a kid as good as Michael."  From a man who doesn't hand out many compliments, I was grateful to hear it. 
     Michael has also just left the earrings he's been making at the local general store.  He's already sold close to a dozen pairs this week to other people.  He and I were probably an interesting looking couple at "Michael's" craft store searching for the perfect jewels to place in the primer of the spent bullet casings.  You know, we may sometimes fall short of what the world expects on its timetable of proper knowledge, but I'm writing down for my pleasure these reminders of what the kids are able and willing to do with their abilities and creativity and generosities, of where God is putting them in His scheme of things.  All knowledge does not have to be crammed into 12 years.  Life is a building of relevant information and when it's gotten and appreciated in God's timing, then paired with skill and a good nature, it makes for a "sweet life".  You know, like the Paul Davis song.  Look it up; it's one of my all time favorites.
     That song always makes me think of Megan.  She's been calling all week.  She's left the rat race and is awaiting the "go" for the internship she's interviewed for in the ministry.  She's been spending time and having conversations with her grandparents.  She went to yard sales with her Pop yesterday just way she used to.  She went to a Braves game where a couple of special young people sought her out as their "leader" in the group.  God is moving and I can't wait to be a part of the revealing.  Gracious, I'm all teared up again thinking of that song, all that Megan's lived through since childhood and conquered, and who she's becoming in spite of it and because of it. 
     I love being a mother, even when I tend to stink at it.
    

Lamentations

     I'm involved in a study, a Bible study.  Wouldn't you know it came about the same time that I determined again to read the Bible from the beginning; so instead of doing one or the other, I'm doing both ...whether I have "time" to or not. 
     In was "assigned" this morning to read Lamentations 3:22-23.  Instead, I decided to check a few things on the computer first.  I saw that we have $105 in our account.  I read friends' updates.  I began wondering why the "well man" hasn't come yet and if we will.  I thought about what I ate last night.  I finally went to the porch to read and considered how much yard work there is to do because of the rain, except that the riding mower needs a belt that we can't afford just yet.  Then, I remembered that we should just push mow.  Afterall, what makes sense about exercising indoors when there's work to be outdoors?  Yet, restoration of ab tone doesn't always come with regular activity.  I started thinking about our neighbor who had a heart attack, then that we haven't planted anything in the garden he plowed us and that we should seed for a fall garden ...and so on and on and on I thought, until I remembered I was out there to read God's Word and to hear what he has to say specifically to me, not even about my family and friends, but about me and to me. 
     Back to Lamentations:  it's hard for me to read verses out of context, so I started at the beginning of chapter 3 and it stung me like wasp.  If you are serious at all about finding God, you will also take the time to read Lamentations 3.  It begins with, "I am the man that hath seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.  He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, but not into light.  Surely against me is he turned; he turneth his hand against me all day."  Read for yourself all the feelings he continues to spell out.  If you suffer at the hands of an oppressor or even a situation, you surely will understand.  Then, in verse 21, he comes to his senses, "This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.  It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning:  great is thy faithfulness." 
     I halted there, knowing my error.  If only we would go to the Lord straight away every single morning.  I could've seen Him clearly instead of through the myriad of issues I have at hand.  He knows it's going to rain again tonight and that, yes, we got up late and that it's okay to get outside for a while because learning can be done tonight since Mike is away and it won't detract from our time together.  He knows what a mess I make when I plan.  He knows that I want my children to love His Word and that if it isn't being received well that I hesitate to move forward to other subjects.  He knows that I was brought up like most everyone else these days, compartmentalizing.  He knows that I think everything needs its place and time and how hard it is for me to learn the natural paths of things, "a little here and a little there".  He knows I procrastinate when I don't know what to do, when things aren't going my way.  He also knows I owe my children an apology for not following Him daily, because ...I know they excel in important matters but that I've failed them in things I've deemed less paramount.  As simple as those things may be, they too hold value in the order of life.
     All I had to do this morning was start it by PRAISING Him instead of PLEADING to Him, you know that prayer most of us have, "Show me!" "Help me!" "Save me!" "Give me!"  Now, is that really trusting?  That He will answer, yes ...but that He IS helping already, no.  I could've said immediately, "Thank you for the safety and comfort with which you guarded us and gave us rest last night.  Thank for a new day to rest in obedience of your will for me."  But, no, I had to quench my curiosity about ongoing matters.  Thus, I went to God with a racing mind and troubled heart.  And we must know we can and should do that, BUT how can God teach us Who He IS if we never come to Him in silence, ready to be filled with His presence and His Word?
    So, beginning in verse 28 I read, "He sitteth alone and keepeth silence, because he hath borne it upon him.  He putteth his mouth in the dust; is so be there may be hope.  He giveth his cheek to him that smiteth him: he is filled full with reproach.  For the Lord will not cast off for ever:  but though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies.  For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men."  I could hardly move from these verses.  You may've noticed I don't have as much to say lately and I had just read why.  God is teaching me things I don't claim to understand right now.  But these I know:  that I trust Him and that He's taking me somewhere I haven't been with Him. 
     In shuffling through "school" materials, trying to toss out anything that isn't fundamental, anything that is diverting us from gravely important things; I found an old handout that describes the path to Christian maturity as desire/"want to", dedication/"try to", determination/"got to", and finally discipline/"how to".  I've been hung at determination so long that the "got to" just won't let me stay where I am.  And I'm just plain tired of not making it to discipline, struggling with the same things I've found in my old letters.
     Verses 39-41, "Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins?  Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the Lord.  Let us lift us our heart with our hands unto God in the heavens."
     Do we think because we aren 't blatantly disobeying commandments that we are good?  Do we think because we have "respectable" positions and homes that we aren't sinning?  When is the last time you read James 4:17, "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin"?  You and only you are accountable to that statement.  God and only God knows if you've ever known Him at all.   Are you doing as much as you can or as little as you can?  Are you searching or are you hiding?  These are the questions I'm asking myself and in my silence, I'm finding the answers to.

Runneth Over

     When I was having my coffee this morning standing in front of the window, I saw for the first time the great big turtle taking his exaggerated steps across the driveway and into the pond.   After a quick errand, a truly unique visit from a friend, a call from Mike on his way to Oklahoma that he was at a hospital with another kidney stone, and an empty handed return home from the kids when the store closed just before they arrived.  So since we didn't get a belt for the riding mower, pushing was on the menu again, but not before I got a few minutes to myself with the majesty of my surroundings.
     I sat by the pond breathing in the beauty of it all and not much less impressed than I was of the ocean.  It is the same sky, the same wind, much the same water brimming with life beneath and above it ...but with a canopy of leaves shielding me from the sun, which it seemed like I was praying for everything under ...when God told me to "be quiet".  You know, like "be still and know that I am God".  And when I cleared my mind to do just that, a big wind came as if He were breathing on me.   Then, I thought how my presence must tarnish the scenery.  The "scenery" needed to be groomed and I was reminded that even in its unkemptness, God's creation is just plain beautiful, as is each of his people.  What a relief that my Father thinks I'm beautiful even when, and perhaps especially when, I'm a mess.
     Before long, we had a push mower and 2 weed eaters buzzing.  After 3 hours, the older ones got a reprieve to go and dog sit for the night so that our good friends could flitter away to the coast for the day :)  McKala had been at work and then to "camp" to visit her close knit friends from out of state who've returned for the summer, so it was just Madalynn, Macklynn, and me.
     Macklynn fished nonstop, catching Large Mouth Bass, catfish, sunfish, and Crappie.  He raced his bare feet back and forth to the barn for worms.  Madalynn mostly talked about things she doesn't have, which I discourage.  She just has had in her mind that a tree house would be fantastic.  (It IS one thing in all these years we haven't had.)  I raked and raked some more.  I just about have it how I want it. 
     I came in sometime in the middle of it all and decided it didn't make any sense not to have supper by the pond with them, so we did.  Then it didn't make any sense not to burn the leaves and limbs, so we did.  And then it didn't make any sense not to let them roast marshmellows, so we did ...even if they were miniature ones ;)  Skewers did the trick! 
     We sat outside way after the sun set and the lightening bugs flashed against the black silhouettes of the tree line and the hoot owl returned our calls. We added to and turned the pile over and over to let it breathe.  Finally, they played with it a little too much, blowing coals off the limbs they pretended were sparklers.  I sent them in to clean up. 
     There I was again, alone in the presence of the One who lets us live in this setting.  Actually, I wasn't alone.  Smokey was there.  He always is.  I don't have to call him.  I probably couldn't get him to leave even if I wanted him to.  It was well past his time to be in his doghouse, but that's not who he is.  He stays until everyone is where they're supposed to be.  How we could take cues from a lowly dog.  Mia was there also stretched across the sand like it was the best thing in the world.  The cats even came down to investigate.  The bats swooped low for their nightly catch.  The bullfrogs and toads took turns with their songs.  And then I saw a "shooting star".
     I knew this was one of those days where "my cup runneth over" ...and that I'd better put it in writing.  And so I have, goodnight. 
     BUT not yet, Mike just called here after midnight to say the driver of the wrecker that came to get him yesterday and the same one who took him to the hospital today and the same one who took him on a round trip of 6 hours to get an expensive part that, yes, Mike put on despite his pain, told him about his 9 adult children and their mother who passed away 5 years ago and that he hasn't talked with anyone else about the void he's had 'til today.  Man, God can and will do so much in the midst of chaos. 
     Today just got even better.  Oh ...I guess that would be yesterday.  So ...TODAY just got off to great start.  I have 2 sleepy heads in my bed and after I shower, hopefully I'll be too tired to be awoken by their squirmy little bodies because their brother and sisters are making their debut in the choir in the morning!  If you get close to me today, my cup might just spill on you.  I can't help but tell people how good God is.  Life is Good, but God is Better.  And if someone's already said that, then that's too bad :)