This has been on a napkin for days, so it's not intended for any one person. If anything, I have succumbed at times and is WHY taking it from me is plausible. My spell is newly broken and could easily be reversed without consistent guard. When we post, do we have someone in mind? Even in our wholesome way, are we trying to impress a particular individual with our togetherness? "Your favorite sin will do you in", even when it's almost imaginary with its harmlessness. If all of us out here could read your thoughts, would they be pure or ...enticing?
Admit to yourself when you've entered into a friendship that is the sacred ground of 2 other people or that of you and the person you love. Do you crave a response from that new or old interest? Are you gonna lie and say: no, she's fat; he's ugly? Hollywood divorces prove that beauty binds nothing. Friendships see far beyond the mortal. And THAT is why they are dangerous to existing commitments. This is the kinda thing we can't exactly put our finger on, sorta like soft porn, not knowing what it'll turn into until the deal is done and we're hooked.
Along the same line of thought, are any of us allowing ourselves to be a distraction, a consolation, a backup plan. Funny how I left the question off the last sentence, as if it's a statement. Do we fancy that there is a destiny, maybe a 20% chance that the current arrangements of our "friend" isn't going to change for the better? Reality is something more like 80% against us, unless, of course, we've seduced someone with no moral boundaries.
Why do we use our persuasions - feminine wiles, as well as masculine pull; our talents; our intellect; our humor ...to gain, to take, to consume, to romanticise? Why do we think we're helping someone when we're drawing them away from a vow ...into our enchanted world? Why aren't we using the genius that lies within to ...give? That means setting presidence, BEFORE we meet someone. That means keeping it open, counseling woman to woman, man to man. Don't kid yourself. You're human and fallible. Your best intentions quickly go south, unchecked. To whatever extent I've named you, I likely am worse. If all this if freaking you out, know there are others who are soberly facing an undeniable dilemma. We don't have much to call soley our own in this world; let trust be one of them.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
A Little at a Time
I was in the house alone after that sweet Crimson Tide victory. Miranda and Michael went to see if they could get the old Jeep Wagoneer started in the shed. McKala was showing Macklynn how to rope ...her. Madalynn was trying to catch the barn kittens and was convinced the one that climbed the tree needed rescuing. Wait a minute, I wasn't alone; Melody was in here somewhere very unhappy after I tanned her hide for not being honest with her brother. Now, she's "bounced back" and is downstairs playing the Wii with him, while 3 of the others have gone to fill the gas can and Madalynn is throwing that puzzle together faster this time.
Vertigo started my day and now that a sore throat has set in, I know that I've been had, so I might as well sit here and write some of what I intended to night before last. In my pursuit of temperance/balance, that "little here and little there" thing, I was reminded once more yesterday in the car as I listened to "Slow Fade", one of my all time favorite songs. Then there is, "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up," in Deuteronomy not just once, but twice. For those of us who aren't "fans" of the Old Testament, please remember that Jesus did not undo the old but made it possible to perform by grace.
I've always felt like I needed a "program'', someone gone before me who can reassure that it's attainable. Problem is that no one at no time in history has been "me". No one else has been married to my husband. No one else has mothered my children. No one has had my variables going into September 25, 2011. No one else has the elements of your life either. That leaves one Supreme Source for guidance to those of us who finally realize we're meant to live individually, not comparing to anyone but to our own best.
Specifically, you know how I feel about "teaching" a little here and a little there. I think it's the best way for the longhaul regarding anything and everything. "Bible"? I've addressed this one, too. So, how about "debt"? I get some kind of thrill paying a whole chunk of something off at one time. More realistically, paying an extra $20 or $50 steadily gets it done. "Cleaning"? It's kinda hard to know how often something needs to be cleaned, especially if it involves weather, sickness, or guests. Sometimes when I'm getting "ready for town", I just get down and clean my toilet inside and out, even though it's not an allotted scrubbing time. Maintenance is just that, "maintenance," and the need for it varies, so it becomes a mindset instead of a planned event. Today, we did a quick "sweep" of the house before watching college football because I couldn't be comfortable if someone had shown up ...while we were just sitting there. Now, if I'm feverishly doing something else, I don't always "see" the small stuff. As a matter of fact, I'm so used to scanning the floor for the sake of baby safety that I regularly miss cobwebs and dirty windows. Cobwebs are something that Mike "does" notice, so I try to "pay mind" to them. That thought gives way to marriage.
You'd just about have to not know me to not know what's gone on with mine beginning in early 2010. Mike has gone the extra mile in every aspect of our relationship since then. Thing is that I haven't. I've waited for emotions to return. I get a glimpse of them sometimes, but I quickly return to fear and defensiveness. When I do do something that I know he prefers, enjoys, or appreciates; I get feelings from seeing his satisfaction. As a matter of fact, there should be a way on the keyboard to make that wholesome grin with the bottom lip pressed up against the top. That look is really growing on me. Little by little, we are becoming a couple again. We were divorce's ideal victims. Somewhere in the middle, (truthfully, from the beginning) intimacy has not been accurate in my mind. And that thought gives way to daily physical health. In congruence of the two, I've got to mention how "neat" it was when it came to mind that I should add spices to my coffee; then I was reading an article for Mike's health and discovered that the ginger I'd considered is at the top of the list for keeping my blood thin and circulation good. I love it when God's design kicks in and we crave something we need. The fact that this spice is a "warming" one should aid me in my wifely encounters ;).
I've only held onto weight after pregnancy like this one other time. I don't "perform" in my marriage confidently when I know deepdown I'm not trying all that hard to return my body to optimum health. When I'm "holding onto" my changeable inadequacies, then I'm "holding out" on my husband. We have a frontier to conquer and I'm weighing down the wagon. I'm pleased with the little progress I've made. I believe slow and steady weight loss is the key, but it's also very easy to get off course, to think today doesn't matter that much, like there's always tomorrow ...that's what the "tempter" is best at.
Play, pray, learn, teach, maintain, make contact, make love today ...and when it doesn't go the way you planned, laugh it off and wake up tomorrow, thanking God for another day to put your best foot forward. Your best IS good enough. Only you can let you be convinced otherwise.
Progression, 2 steps forward and maybe 1 back. Regression, 1 step forward and 2 back. We forget that a frivolous purchase can mean a pattern of debt, that an extra glance can mean the beginning of addiction or an affair, that an extra bite can mean greed that we wear, that a selfish deed can start the break in a heart, that an overlooked mess can turn into filth, that waiting 'til Sunday to be fed the Bible means it's probably not "Living", that not storing up might mean the end to the unprepared, that looking past the sins of our children today will cause them to suffer tomorrow. "It's a slow fade ...people never crumble in a day." None of us are standing still. Are we moving forward or backing up? And how are the ones around us affected by it? Because we know they are, whether we take the time to acknowledge it or not.
Vertigo started my day and now that a sore throat has set in, I know that I've been had, so I might as well sit here and write some of what I intended to night before last. In my pursuit of temperance/balance, that "little here and little there" thing, I was reminded once more yesterday in the car as I listened to "Slow Fade", one of my all time favorite songs. Then there is, "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up," in Deuteronomy not just once, but twice. For those of us who aren't "fans" of the Old Testament, please remember that Jesus did not undo the old but made it possible to perform by grace.
I've always felt like I needed a "program'', someone gone before me who can reassure that it's attainable. Problem is that no one at no time in history has been "me". No one else has been married to my husband. No one else has mothered my children. No one has had my variables going into September 25, 2011. No one else has the elements of your life either. That leaves one Supreme Source for guidance to those of us who finally realize we're meant to live individually, not comparing to anyone but to our own best.
Specifically, you know how I feel about "teaching" a little here and a little there. I think it's the best way for the longhaul regarding anything and everything. "Bible"? I've addressed this one, too. So, how about "debt"? I get some kind of thrill paying a whole chunk of something off at one time. More realistically, paying an extra $20 or $50 steadily gets it done. "Cleaning"? It's kinda hard to know how often something needs to be cleaned, especially if it involves weather, sickness, or guests. Sometimes when I'm getting "ready for town", I just get down and clean my toilet inside and out, even though it's not an allotted scrubbing time. Maintenance is just that, "maintenance," and the need for it varies, so it becomes a mindset instead of a planned event. Today, we did a quick "sweep" of the house before watching college football because I couldn't be comfortable if someone had shown up ...while we were just sitting there. Now, if I'm feverishly doing something else, I don't always "see" the small stuff. As a matter of fact, I'm so used to scanning the floor for the sake of baby safety that I regularly miss cobwebs and dirty windows. Cobwebs are something that Mike "does" notice, so I try to "pay mind" to them. That thought gives way to marriage.
You'd just about have to not know me to not know what's gone on with mine beginning in early 2010. Mike has gone the extra mile in every aspect of our relationship since then. Thing is that I haven't. I've waited for emotions to return. I get a glimpse of them sometimes, but I quickly return to fear and defensiveness. When I do do something that I know he prefers, enjoys, or appreciates; I get feelings from seeing his satisfaction. As a matter of fact, there should be a way on the keyboard to make that wholesome grin with the bottom lip pressed up against the top. That look is really growing on me. Little by little, we are becoming a couple again. We were divorce's ideal victims. Somewhere in the middle, (truthfully, from the beginning) intimacy has not been accurate in my mind. And that thought gives way to daily physical health. In congruence of the two, I've got to mention how "neat" it was when it came to mind that I should add spices to my coffee; then I was reading an article for Mike's health and discovered that the ginger I'd considered is at the top of the list for keeping my blood thin and circulation good. I love it when God's design kicks in and we crave something we need. The fact that this spice is a "warming" one should aid me in my wifely encounters ;).
I've only held onto weight after pregnancy like this one other time. I don't "perform" in my marriage confidently when I know deepdown I'm not trying all that hard to return my body to optimum health. When I'm "holding onto" my changeable inadequacies, then I'm "holding out" on my husband. We have a frontier to conquer and I'm weighing down the wagon. I'm pleased with the little progress I've made. I believe slow and steady weight loss is the key, but it's also very easy to get off course, to think today doesn't matter that much, like there's always tomorrow ...that's what the "tempter" is best at.
Play, pray, learn, teach, maintain, make contact, make love today ...and when it doesn't go the way you planned, laugh it off and wake up tomorrow, thanking God for another day to put your best foot forward. Your best IS good enough. Only you can let you be convinced otherwise.
Progression, 2 steps forward and maybe 1 back. Regression, 1 step forward and 2 back. We forget that a frivolous purchase can mean a pattern of debt, that an extra glance can mean the beginning of addiction or an affair, that an extra bite can mean greed that we wear, that a selfish deed can start the break in a heart, that an overlooked mess can turn into filth, that waiting 'til Sunday to be fed the Bible means it's probably not "Living", that not storing up might mean the end to the unprepared, that looking past the sins of our children today will cause them to suffer tomorrow. "It's a slow fade ...people never crumble in a day." None of us are standing still. Are we moving forward or backing up? And how are the ones around us affected by it? Because we know they are, whether we take the time to acknowledge it or not.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
To Raise a Son
So I posted a picture of Michael Jr's work and play clothes hanging on the porch and stated it saddens me that these kinds of clothes are hardly necessary anymore for an American boy. Maybe it sounds like I think I've got it all figured out. Posting that I've got this one (kid) doing "that" and another one doing "this" portrays an image of unfaltering industriousness. I don't wish for anyone's envy, but I do hope people will consider who their children are becoming "now" AND that children don't always age out of "phases".
No, things here are not all about baby animals, blooming flowers, rekindled romance, sweet aromas, and "all knowing" parenting. I have a "sunny" disposition with everybody, but I lose my cool with my own husband. I often have to push our children to cooperate. I was enamored for years with "classical" teaching, waiting for natural persuasions to bear results and have come out of the haze to realize practicalilty has its place and it's not on the bottom of the totem pole. Things pile up. Days go by. I forget how high my calling is. This week it struck me hard that Michael will be 16 in a little over 2 years. Realistically, I have only that time to finish impartation of what really matters and to be a woman he can respect ...as she is and not only as his mother. In the same breath, I must remember that lifelong lessons are taught a little here and a little there ...as little eyes watch to see if we mean it.
Michael went into Sheetz to get a slushie after his practice last week. At the door, he realized there was a young woman (with no particular attraction for him ;) behind him, so he backed up (with no grandeur) to offer it to her before himself. It startled her. All of us in the car giggled at them, but it stayed with me for a while - first that he did it without me whispering, "Get it," ...second that she didn't anticipate it. It seems that fathers aren't teaching their daughters to (what's the word I'm looking for? I don't care for "expect", "command", "demand") "FEEL" WORTHY of gentlemanly mannerisms. True chivalry is dying. Bravery, accountability, anonymous charity, sweat and blood are passing away from the American fabric. We aren't content with small houses and meager provisions.
Are we "grooming" our children to be what we want them to be, to be "happy", OR to have HEART to change the shriveling strength of America? Are we considering the alternatives? Just this past weekend McKala, 14, was given a serious offer to undergo equestrian training in Wyoming upon graduation, then to become staff at a children's camp here in North Carolina. It was a true circumstance of being in the right place at the right time with the right attitude and reputable history. Megan calls home from Georgia with questions still and my answers always boil down to my "right place, right time" philosophy. It's not "my" philosophy at all really; it's simply being in God's will on all levels. I foresee Miranda's future out in the "wide open" working with living things, plants and animals, but she also has an instinctive interest in history relating to current events and politics. Melody has natural musical abilities but claims she'll be an ER doctor (and does have the stomach and wits for it). Point is: I don't know what lies ahead. I don't need to know. I need to make sure they're the kind of people who will succeed with honor and lean on their Maker for understanding.
I got a sample of Michael's maturity the day after he had a football injury and I was bottle feeding not only his calves, but also McKala's. I realized one of them had the "bloats" and Michael was the only "big" kid available to me. He limped down to the stall, identified it as McKala's, and rode with me to glean information from a local farmer to remedy the complication, #1 cause of sudden bovine death. We drove back quickly, cut our garden hose, and Michael maneuvered it into the 1 month old calf's stomach to physically release the trapped air. As he dillied with it to find a new pocket, the pain he was experiencing was as evident as the growing distortion of his shin and calf. (Had we used compression it might not've been so severe.) He wasn't far from writhing and later in the ER, said the pain rivaled the 17 stitches he required when he nearly scalped himself sledding. I asked him in the stall if we needed to get medical attention right away (fearing it was broken) but he said almost in tears (of torment) that, yes, he was hurting badly but the calf was going to die, so he "had" to stay right there. Miranda arrived soon and took over so I could get Michael the comfort he needed. She successfully got the hose in 3 more times over a 2 hour span and saved its life. We brought Michael back on crutches and topped the calf off with oral penicillin and a cup of mineral oil. It was especially pleasing, after the surprising death of the one last week, to wake the next morning and not be able to differentiate the sick one from the others. Perserverance is a beautiful thing, but not quite as beautiful as the unity of a family moving into action on the behalf of another member.
Of course, Michael has "gone country" with the rest of us. We had a funny discussion about it the day he went into Sheetz and he told the girls he doesn't need to "dress" country to prove he's country. He does clean up well and pulls off a good city boy look. I like that we can transition that way ...in a way, "being all things to all people". When "God talk" goes on, I see a lot of young men who automatically jump in the box of the desire to become a preacher when they get sincere about their faith. Problem is that not everyone makes for a great evangelizer. Believe me; I've seen enough to know. Michael is not much for the 3 Rs anyway. We will cover the fundamentals. And yeah, he's sports solid, but I think he's got a little something different in store for this world.
I won't promote my own agenda with Michael, but I will recognize the obvious. By the way, I'll admit he flies under the radar, hoping to go unnoticed when a job isn't done efficiently. That said, imminent danger ignites him, sparks heat that gets him off the couch. He has a soldier in him. Ballistics, marksmanship, pyrotechnics, and weaponry put a light in his eyes like nothing else does. He watches it, does it, talks about it. I wouldn't dare persuade him of a different avenue because of my own fear. I learned all about it a few years ago watching Megan's flyovers, dipping in and out of our "hollar". We need good guys dispersed in every occupation because there are people who won't "hear" The Truth unless they "see" it lived out beside them. I tried to explain that to a Jehovah's Witness this week. People need "the real deal". If you're pretending, half committed, just stop it. Reevaluate and turn it all over to Christ ...because it is that easy.
I don't have an equation to raise your child right. The only common thread I am sure of is that God knows what well rounded means for your child and you are given the keys to the answers. Just please remember that without discipline and real work, a child won't be well adjusted; he'll arrogantly expect everyone to adjust to him. If he has no fun or reward (notice I didn't say "bribes") to look forward to after his hard work, it's all really null. If the fun never involves you, then don't expect to be much of an influence on him or her.
Funny I started out on a different course with this writing, but I was swayed to present something else, so I hope someone out there somewhere finds what they're seeking. If not, it makes for mighty fine diary documenting for me and mine.
No, things here are not all about baby animals, blooming flowers, rekindled romance, sweet aromas, and "all knowing" parenting. I have a "sunny" disposition with everybody, but I lose my cool with my own husband. I often have to push our children to cooperate. I was enamored for years with "classical" teaching, waiting for natural persuasions to bear results and have come out of the haze to realize practicalilty has its place and it's not on the bottom of the totem pole. Things pile up. Days go by. I forget how high my calling is. This week it struck me hard that Michael will be 16 in a little over 2 years. Realistically, I have only that time to finish impartation of what really matters and to be a woman he can respect ...as she is and not only as his mother. In the same breath, I must remember that lifelong lessons are taught a little here and a little there ...as little eyes watch to see if we mean it.
Michael went into Sheetz to get a slushie after his practice last week. At the door, he realized there was a young woman (with no particular attraction for him ;) behind him, so he backed up (with no grandeur) to offer it to her before himself. It startled her. All of us in the car giggled at them, but it stayed with me for a while - first that he did it without me whispering, "Get it," ...second that she didn't anticipate it. It seems that fathers aren't teaching their daughters to (what's the word I'm looking for? I don't care for "expect", "command", "demand") "FEEL" WORTHY of gentlemanly mannerisms. True chivalry is dying. Bravery, accountability, anonymous charity, sweat and blood are passing away from the American fabric. We aren't content with small houses and meager provisions.
Are we "grooming" our children to be what we want them to be, to be "happy", OR to have HEART to change the shriveling strength of America? Are we considering the alternatives? Just this past weekend McKala, 14, was given a serious offer to undergo equestrian training in Wyoming upon graduation, then to become staff at a children's camp here in North Carolina. It was a true circumstance of being in the right place at the right time with the right attitude and reputable history. Megan calls home from Georgia with questions still and my answers always boil down to my "right place, right time" philosophy. It's not "my" philosophy at all really; it's simply being in God's will on all levels. I foresee Miranda's future out in the "wide open" working with living things, plants and animals, but she also has an instinctive interest in history relating to current events and politics. Melody has natural musical abilities but claims she'll be an ER doctor (and does have the stomach and wits for it). Point is: I don't know what lies ahead. I don't need to know. I need to make sure they're the kind of people who will succeed with honor and lean on their Maker for understanding.
I got a sample of Michael's maturity the day after he had a football injury and I was bottle feeding not only his calves, but also McKala's. I realized one of them had the "bloats" and Michael was the only "big" kid available to me. He limped down to the stall, identified it as McKala's, and rode with me to glean information from a local farmer to remedy the complication, #1 cause of sudden bovine death. We drove back quickly, cut our garden hose, and Michael maneuvered it into the 1 month old calf's stomach to physically release the trapped air. As he dillied with it to find a new pocket, the pain he was experiencing was as evident as the growing distortion of his shin and calf. (Had we used compression it might not've been so severe.) He wasn't far from writhing and later in the ER, said the pain rivaled the 17 stitches he required when he nearly scalped himself sledding. I asked him in the stall if we needed to get medical attention right away (fearing it was broken) but he said almost in tears (of torment) that, yes, he was hurting badly but the calf was going to die, so he "had" to stay right there. Miranda arrived soon and took over so I could get Michael the comfort he needed. She successfully got the hose in 3 more times over a 2 hour span and saved its life. We brought Michael back on crutches and topped the calf off with oral penicillin and a cup of mineral oil. It was especially pleasing, after the surprising death of the one last week, to wake the next morning and not be able to differentiate the sick one from the others. Perserverance is a beautiful thing, but not quite as beautiful as the unity of a family moving into action on the behalf of another member.
Of course, Michael has "gone country" with the rest of us. We had a funny discussion about it the day he went into Sheetz and he told the girls he doesn't need to "dress" country to prove he's country. He does clean up well and pulls off a good city boy look. I like that we can transition that way ...in a way, "being all things to all people". When "God talk" goes on, I see a lot of young men who automatically jump in the box of the desire to become a preacher when they get sincere about their faith. Problem is that not everyone makes for a great evangelizer. Believe me; I've seen enough to know. Michael is not much for the 3 Rs anyway. We will cover the fundamentals. And yeah, he's sports solid, but I think he's got a little something different in store for this world.
I won't promote my own agenda with Michael, but I will recognize the obvious. By the way, I'll admit he flies under the radar, hoping to go unnoticed when a job isn't done efficiently. That said, imminent danger ignites him, sparks heat that gets him off the couch. He has a soldier in him. Ballistics, marksmanship, pyrotechnics, and weaponry put a light in his eyes like nothing else does. He watches it, does it, talks about it. I wouldn't dare persuade him of a different avenue because of my own fear. I learned all about it a few years ago watching Megan's flyovers, dipping in and out of our "hollar". We need good guys dispersed in every occupation because there are people who won't "hear" The Truth unless they "see" it lived out beside them. I tried to explain that to a Jehovah's Witness this week. People need "the real deal". If you're pretending, half committed, just stop it. Reevaluate and turn it all over to Christ ...because it is that easy.
I don't have an equation to raise your child right. The only common thread I am sure of is that God knows what well rounded means for your child and you are given the keys to the answers. Just please remember that without discipline and real work, a child won't be well adjusted; he'll arrogantly expect everyone to adjust to him. If he has no fun or reward (notice I didn't say "bribes") to look forward to after his hard work, it's all really null. If the fun never involves you, then don't expect to be much of an influence on him or her.
Funny I started out on a different course with this writing, but I was swayed to present something else, so I hope someone out there somewhere finds what they're seeking. If not, it makes for mighty fine diary documenting for me and mine.
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Unexpected
Most of my "friends" saw the vigil McKala, 14, took with her calf. The outcome plays out here. "Baby" was never "well". It was a good bit smaller than the others and not ever really "hungry". The morning they found it "down", we called and read about everything we could. I stopped at the dairy to get their opinions. There are many kinds of bacterium and viruses that affect cows, especially weak ones. Diarrhea with blood was the presenting problem and the likely diagnosis, Coccidiosis, the overgrowth of a microscopic protozoa.
It's mouth was already cool, not ever a good thing. She brought it into the garage to use a heating pad, hair dryer, and a lamp on it. We found out they can have Gatorade for electrolytes just like the rest of us. We had been told Pepto-Bismol was fine, too, but soon got differing information that the aspirin in it is, of course, bad. They're now owners of a gallon of Kaopectate for animals. Corid is what treats the problem, inhibiting the growth of the parasite until the immune system can ramp up and overcome it. Michael gave it a penicillin shot as a precaution in case it was bacterial instead. After more research and a couple more medications, McKala had it "up" and taking its whole bottle. We went to sleep with a sense of accomplishment.
At 1:30 am, a noise from the garage woke me. The calf had collapsed and was dead. (I've since read we should've had epinephrine and might've revived it.) I decided to go ahead and wake McKala, so she would know before her early rise to bottle feed them all. I expected her to get upset. As I lay back down, I could hear her sobbing loudly through the door in her bed. I hadn't heard it in that fashion since she was a little bitty girl. It was so uncharacteristic that I went back upstairs. Rubbing her arm, I finally asked her why she was "that" upset. She said it was her job to take care of it since it was taken from its mother. That's how dairy farming works. The babies are separated from their mothers within 24 - 72 hours after birth. I have unease about this, probably much like you do. It is the unnatural thing to do, although it's not entirely different from giving an infant a bottle and taking it to daycare having only a few weeks under its wings.
After I returned to bed, frailty of life came to mind. I know it was just an animal, but just 1 bacteria, 1 virus, 1 accident, 1 sinister act and our days could be over, moreover the days of the people we hold dear. Are we all ready, really ready to leave this world? Do we know where we'll be when we cross to the unseen? Is it enough to have already had our reward? Stop and give it sober thought. This question posed to me 19 years ago changed my life. Even so, that night I revisited notions of CPR review because I don't want to be the one standing there with my hands tied. Faith, in my view, is rarely about waiting, at least not waiting ill-prepared.
Sunday, September 11, we were invited to a surprise party. Mike had reservations about "partying" on such a day. I'd remained pretty reserved considering the attention that the 10th anniversary received, but when I saw people waving flags over I -77, Exit 150, it flooded my face with the heat that pushes out tears. If only we all cared so much.
The party cruising the lake was phenominal ...and made possible by the everpresent guard our military insures. Monday rushed in hard though after staying steadily busy since Thursday. I barely got anything done before it was time to take McKala to Driver's Ed and Mike to get his truck from the shop, grab KFC to keep the riots down and Michael for football practice. I can't complain about any of these things. The thing I'm tempted to complain about is my "plan". Here's where I err ...ideally, I'd exercise, read my Bible, teach, clean, run errands and cart around, have meals with prayer over them ...in sweet little allotted times. Guess what. This is real life. We're more likely to get the majority of us together for a prayer in the car. People and animals get sick, things break, minds change, celebrations and devastations continue. Guess what else. Sometimes we need to "chew" on God's Word and don't require a set study hour. (Sometimes a revelation hits me so hard I can't read further.) Does this sound "un"exemplary, maybe disrespectful? I beg your pardon ...because if we walk in the "mentality" of craving God's instruction, we'd have a Bible with us all the time and seize every opportunity to crack it open, if only to bite off a morsel. If we have a "mentality" of good health, we won't wait for the next time it fits in the schedule ...we'll find a way to work activity into the day, even 20 or 30 push ups or knee ups on a park bench. Oh, you're embarrassed? Me too ...but it's better than being feeble and flabby, worse yet - a quiter. We need the "mentality" to teach. A school lesson doesn't work out here because something truly interesting comes up? I need to be able to incorporate it in some other way. I'm not that creative. I appreciate structure. You know why? Because I'm scared. Of what? I was brought up needing someone to tell me how to do things and when to do them. The institution likes it that way. If I have one more person tell me they aren't "patient enough" for this or that, they don't have "discipline" for this or that, they aren't "smart enough" for this or that, the "fill in the blank" for this or that; I just might pull my hair out. Were we not made in the image of God himself? We have the capacity for endless accomplishments. Some things will come easy and the others we'll have to fight for; we'll have to DECIDE to embrace what has already been won for us.
I don't know your problem? Everybody's got 1, 2, 3, or more - people in our lives who are difficult, demanding, needy, unstable, sick, troubled. I've, fullwell, learned that some of these people will "take" 'til we don't have anything left to give. I've also learned it's not an excuse to be any less of a person. So, we have to hang tough to the mentality of Christ - strong in body, mind, and spirit ...REGARDLESS OF and (beautifully) BECAUSE OF anything or anyone else. The unexpected will always happen ...and don't expect that to change. As I heard tonight sitting alone in the car, needing time away from even the people I enjoy, "Don't let your suffering and trials go to waste." Because if we erode away, we'll wake up in 10 years and not recognize whose skin we're in and the people who thought they knew us as someone who "walks the walk" will only know us as someone who let life go by as it pleases.
It's mouth was already cool, not ever a good thing. She brought it into the garage to use a heating pad, hair dryer, and a lamp on it. We found out they can have Gatorade for electrolytes just like the rest of us. We had been told Pepto-Bismol was fine, too, but soon got differing information that the aspirin in it is, of course, bad. They're now owners of a gallon of Kaopectate for animals. Corid is what treats the problem, inhibiting the growth of the parasite until the immune system can ramp up and overcome it. Michael gave it a penicillin shot as a precaution in case it was bacterial instead. After more research and a couple more medications, McKala had it "up" and taking its whole bottle. We went to sleep with a sense of accomplishment.
At 1:30 am, a noise from the garage woke me. The calf had collapsed and was dead. (I've since read we should've had epinephrine and might've revived it.) I decided to go ahead and wake McKala, so she would know before her early rise to bottle feed them all. I expected her to get upset. As I lay back down, I could hear her sobbing loudly through the door in her bed. I hadn't heard it in that fashion since she was a little bitty girl. It was so uncharacteristic that I went back upstairs. Rubbing her arm, I finally asked her why she was "that" upset. She said it was her job to take care of it since it was taken from its mother. That's how dairy farming works. The babies are separated from their mothers within 24 - 72 hours after birth. I have unease about this, probably much like you do. It is the unnatural thing to do, although it's not entirely different from giving an infant a bottle and taking it to daycare having only a few weeks under its wings.
After I returned to bed, frailty of life came to mind. I know it was just an animal, but just 1 bacteria, 1 virus, 1 accident, 1 sinister act and our days could be over, moreover the days of the people we hold dear. Are we all ready, really ready to leave this world? Do we know where we'll be when we cross to the unseen? Is it enough to have already had our reward? Stop and give it sober thought. This question posed to me 19 years ago changed my life. Even so, that night I revisited notions of CPR review because I don't want to be the one standing there with my hands tied. Faith, in my view, is rarely about waiting, at least not waiting ill-prepared.
Sunday, September 11, we were invited to a surprise party. Mike had reservations about "partying" on such a day. I'd remained pretty reserved considering the attention that the 10th anniversary received, but when I saw people waving flags over I -77, Exit 150, it flooded my face with the heat that pushes out tears. If only we all cared so much.
The party cruising the lake was phenominal ...and made possible by the everpresent guard our military insures. Monday rushed in hard though after staying steadily busy since Thursday. I barely got anything done before it was time to take McKala to Driver's Ed and Mike to get his truck from the shop, grab KFC to keep the riots down and Michael for football practice. I can't complain about any of these things. The thing I'm tempted to complain about is my "plan". Here's where I err ...ideally, I'd exercise, read my Bible, teach, clean, run errands and cart around, have meals with prayer over them ...in sweet little allotted times. Guess what. This is real life. We're more likely to get the majority of us together for a prayer in the car. People and animals get sick, things break, minds change, celebrations and devastations continue. Guess what else. Sometimes we need to "chew" on God's Word and don't require a set study hour. (Sometimes a revelation hits me so hard I can't read further.) Does this sound "un"exemplary, maybe disrespectful? I beg your pardon ...because if we walk in the "mentality" of craving God's instruction, we'd have a Bible with us all the time and seize every opportunity to crack it open, if only to bite off a morsel. If we have a "mentality" of good health, we won't wait for the next time it fits in the schedule ...we'll find a way to work activity into the day, even 20 or 30 push ups or knee ups on a park bench. Oh, you're embarrassed? Me too ...but it's better than being feeble and flabby, worse yet - a quiter. We need the "mentality" to teach. A school lesson doesn't work out here because something truly interesting comes up? I need to be able to incorporate it in some other way. I'm not that creative. I appreciate structure. You know why? Because I'm scared. Of what? I was brought up needing someone to tell me how to do things and when to do them. The institution likes it that way. If I have one more person tell me they aren't "patient enough" for this or that, they don't have "discipline" for this or that, they aren't "smart enough" for this or that, the "fill in the blank" for this or that; I just might pull my hair out. Were we not made in the image of God himself? We have the capacity for endless accomplishments. Some things will come easy and the others we'll have to fight for; we'll have to DECIDE to embrace what has already been won for us.
I don't know your problem? Everybody's got 1, 2, 3, or more - people in our lives who are difficult, demanding, needy, unstable, sick, troubled. I've, fullwell, learned that some of these people will "take" 'til we don't have anything left to give. I've also learned it's not an excuse to be any less of a person. So, we have to hang tough to the mentality of Christ - strong in body, mind, and spirit ...REGARDLESS OF and (beautifully) BECAUSE OF anything or anyone else. The unexpected will always happen ...and don't expect that to change. As I heard tonight sitting alone in the car, needing time away from even the people I enjoy, "Don't let your suffering and trials go to waste." Because if we erode away, we'll wake up in 10 years and not recognize whose skin we're in and the people who thought they knew us as someone who "walks the walk" will only know us as someone who let life go by as it pleases.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Harperville 101
Michael made one of his favorites, banana pudding, and when Macklynn finished his, he said we should make it next time without the bananas. My point is made ...kids will be kids ...just like when I went down to clean out the barn today. I was so disgusted at the condition of things I almost cried. (I took brief delight in Mama Felicia Cat's babies peaking out at me from a pile of wood. She disappeared with them several days ago, but wound up taking them exactly where we needed them to be.) Of course, each person blamed another for the disarray. I'm always ecstatic when the kids step up and learn a new job, but am reminded how they need oversight and sometimes just plain need someone to do things alongside them. Most valuable lessons are learned in that setting anyway. Life's questions and answers come gracefully when we're working and playing TOGETHER. I stress over this "school" subject or that, but eventually it gets covered in real time and real life. (Though, math and music will get lots of attention around here in the months to come. I love that together they represent God's brilliant mind for order and for beauty. For only one are our kids naturally minded, but I'm told with one, the other will follow.)
I saw on a sign last week, "To teach counting is fine, but to teach what counts is better." - enough said. I love watching the gravition that each child has to certain likings. I love being here, not necessarily the being needed but the being available. Oftentimes, I find myself getting cross when we aren't making progress. Truth is that lazy, rude, and stupid is not acceptable. Having something and not taking care of it means you should very likely get rid of it. I have to find a way to back up my displeasure without a frown and a gruff voice. I notice more and more the comments the kids make about my disposition and "cheerful" is not on their list. "Cheer" is gonna take some work, but I'll find it because I'm going to ask for it. Discipline for kids is really creativity/relevancy and not always old school punishment and consternation, although I'll go old school in a heartbeat when things get out of control.
Through the busyness of summer, some important training has slipped ...and one sure thing about cool weather is more time spent in close proximity to each other, so the tide is about to turn. Screaming at 'em across the yard won't be necessary when they're within reach ;) I'm back to my search for temperance, one of those fruits of the Spirit that can't be restated in new versions of the Bible. Too much of anything is bad; finding balance is perfection. Juggling the 9 lives of this family makes for a lot of variables in the teetering balance. When I step away in my own version of "right", everything stands to lose something. Everything DOES matter, down to that half a pound I rejoiced about the other day, because I haven't seen that number (mind you, it's still a big one) since February. I walked around that day like I just got a contract, regardless of the XL I often still require. Confidence when we know we're "walking the walk" changes a day and everybody we meet in it, especially our family - and whether we meet them with a smile ...or not. Women, when we aren't taking care of ourselves we harbor ourselves, waiting for that better day, making our husbands wait for that better day. People say, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I've learned that, "When Daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." The children sense when there's sexual tension between their parents, whether they're old enough to understand or not.
Living confidence with humility is one of those hard balances to achieve when we don't keep our eyes on God and a heart bubbling with thanks. Exemplifying it and passing it on to the young ones is a small miracle. I'm witnessing them blossom physically, together with the wherewithal to make decisions/take stands that pierce my otherwise thick skinned heart. Megan is working back to her femininity coupled with doing well in her field of automotive work but feels led to a higher calling. She came back from the concert they went to with a shirt that said, "I refuse to do nothing", which is inspired by a song that says, "I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has told me to do myself." Miranda is working positively through her health barriers and weight gain, still making time to make the best of a "difficult" situation - plainly stated, a "hateful" girl at work, by befriending her. McKala has taken on the cowgirl look fullforce and cements it with the care of her 4 new calves. Today it's involved some of their investment money spent on medicine for "scours". She and Michael (with his own calves) were out in the dark giving them shots and oral medication (Pepto Bismol for cows :) with great big syringes. These things I can stand to learn from them. Yeah, they teach "me" pretty often. We're in this venture of life together, so I'll accept forward motion in any pure form it takes.
We had to play one of Michael's middle school football games on an elementary field this weekend. There were lots of complaints about the seating, but being on the side lines gave me ear to Michael calling out instruction and rugged encouragement to his fellow players on the line. I could see the arms of his tall frame directing the motion. He's becoming a leader. To never allow that position to consume him will make him a desirable human being.
Melody has no qualms about telling the truth and looking terribly cute (with her super short haircut and pop culture style) while she's doing it. However, couth in doing so is another subject altogether. At 11, she's got a little time to work out the bugs. Macklynn and Madalynn will be contest for me over the winter. They're used to running free and wild (with life jackets, that is) around the outdoors. This copping an attitude they're doing won't last long. I've just got to figure out how to correct them with a wholesomely sweet smile on my face ;) ...a smile is not a hard thing to work up tonight as Melody is sitting here beside me (since it's her turn to sleep with me while Mike's gone) watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". God knows it's hard not to the agree that too many children carry those "Wonka" disliked personalities. Truth is I'd like to kick their parents in the knees for looking past the obvious. Yeah, I know prayer would work better, but a swift kick into reality would do a lot of us some good.
I saw on a sign last week, "To teach counting is fine, but to teach what counts is better." - enough said. I love watching the gravition that each child has to certain likings. I love being here, not necessarily the being needed but the being available. Oftentimes, I find myself getting cross when we aren't making progress. Truth is that lazy, rude, and stupid is not acceptable. Having something and not taking care of it means you should very likely get rid of it. I have to find a way to back up my displeasure without a frown and a gruff voice. I notice more and more the comments the kids make about my disposition and "cheerful" is not on their list. "Cheer" is gonna take some work, but I'll find it because I'm going to ask for it. Discipline for kids is really creativity/relevancy and not always old school punishment and consternation, although I'll go old school in a heartbeat when things get out of control.
Through the busyness of summer, some important training has slipped ...and one sure thing about cool weather is more time spent in close proximity to each other, so the tide is about to turn. Screaming at 'em across the yard won't be necessary when they're within reach ;) I'm back to my search for temperance, one of those fruits of the Spirit that can't be restated in new versions of the Bible. Too much of anything is bad; finding balance is perfection. Juggling the 9 lives of this family makes for a lot of variables in the teetering balance. When I step away in my own version of "right", everything stands to lose something. Everything DOES matter, down to that half a pound I rejoiced about the other day, because I haven't seen that number (mind you, it's still a big one) since February. I walked around that day like I just got a contract, regardless of the XL I often still require. Confidence when we know we're "walking the walk" changes a day and everybody we meet in it, especially our family - and whether we meet them with a smile ...or not. Women, when we aren't taking care of ourselves we harbor ourselves, waiting for that better day, making our husbands wait for that better day. People say, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I've learned that, "When Daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." The children sense when there's sexual tension between their parents, whether they're old enough to understand or not.
Living confidence with humility is one of those hard balances to achieve when we don't keep our eyes on God and a heart bubbling with thanks. Exemplifying it and passing it on to the young ones is a small miracle. I'm witnessing them blossom physically, together with the wherewithal to make decisions/take stands that pierce my otherwise thick skinned heart. Megan is working back to her femininity coupled with doing well in her field of automotive work but feels led to a higher calling. She came back from the concert they went to with a shirt that said, "I refuse to do nothing", which is inspired by a song that says, "I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has told me to do myself." Miranda is working positively through her health barriers and weight gain, still making time to make the best of a "difficult" situation - plainly stated, a "hateful" girl at work, by befriending her. McKala has taken on the cowgirl look fullforce and cements it with the care of her 4 new calves. Today it's involved some of their investment money spent on medicine for "scours". She and Michael (with his own calves) were out in the dark giving them shots and oral medication (Pepto Bismol for cows :) with great big syringes. These things I can stand to learn from them. Yeah, they teach "me" pretty often. We're in this venture of life together, so I'll accept forward motion in any pure form it takes.
We had to play one of Michael's middle school football games on an elementary field this weekend. There were lots of complaints about the seating, but being on the side lines gave me ear to Michael calling out instruction and rugged encouragement to his fellow players on the line. I could see the arms of his tall frame directing the motion. He's becoming a leader. To never allow that position to consume him will make him a desirable human being.
Melody has no qualms about telling the truth and looking terribly cute (with her super short haircut and pop culture style) while she's doing it. However, couth in doing so is another subject altogether. At 11, she's got a little time to work out the bugs. Macklynn and Madalynn will be contest for me over the winter. They're used to running free and wild (with life jackets, that is) around the outdoors. This copping an attitude they're doing won't last long. I've just got to figure out how to correct them with a wholesomely sweet smile on my face ;) ...a smile is not a hard thing to work up tonight as Melody is sitting here beside me (since it's her turn to sleep with me while Mike's gone) watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". God knows it's hard not to the agree that too many children carry those "Wonka" disliked personalities. Truth is I'd like to kick their parents in the knees for looking past the obvious. Yeah, I know prayer would work better, but a swift kick into reality would do a lot of us some good.
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