I was in the house alone after that sweet Crimson Tide victory. Miranda and Michael went to see if they could get the old Jeep Wagoneer started in the shed. McKala was showing Macklynn how to rope ...her. Madalynn was trying to catch the barn kittens and was convinced the one that climbed the tree needed rescuing. Wait a minute, I wasn't alone; Melody was in here somewhere very unhappy after I tanned her hide for not being honest with her brother. Now, she's "bounced back" and is downstairs playing the Wii with him, while 3 of the others have gone to fill the gas can and Madalynn is throwing that puzzle together faster this time.
Vertigo started my day and now that a sore throat has set in, I know that I've been had, so I might as well sit here and write some of what I intended to night before last. In my pursuit of temperance/balance, that "little here and little there" thing, I was reminded once more yesterday in the car as I listened to "Slow Fade", one of my all time favorite songs. Then there is, "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up," in Deuteronomy not just once, but twice. For those of us who aren't "fans" of the Old Testament, please remember that Jesus did not undo the old but made it possible to perform by grace.
I've always felt like I needed a "program'', someone gone before me who can reassure that it's attainable. Problem is that no one at no time in history has been "me". No one else has been married to my husband. No one else has mothered my children. No one has had my variables going into September 25, 2011. No one else has the elements of your life either. That leaves one Supreme Source for guidance to those of us who finally realize we're meant to live individually, not comparing to anyone but to our own best.
Specifically, you know how I feel about "teaching" a little here and a little there. I think it's the best way for the longhaul regarding anything and everything. "Bible"? I've addressed this one, too. So, how about "debt"? I get some kind of thrill paying a whole chunk of something off at one time. More realistically, paying an extra $20 or $50 steadily gets it done. "Cleaning"? It's kinda hard to know how often something needs to be cleaned, especially if it involves weather, sickness, or guests. Sometimes when I'm getting "ready for town", I just get down and clean my toilet inside and out, even though it's not an allotted scrubbing time. Maintenance is just that, "maintenance," and the need for it varies, so it becomes a mindset instead of a planned event. Today, we did a quick "sweep" of the house before watching college football because I couldn't be comfortable if someone had shown up ...while we were just sitting there. Now, if I'm feverishly doing something else, I don't always "see" the small stuff. As a matter of fact, I'm so used to scanning the floor for the sake of baby safety that I regularly miss cobwebs and dirty windows. Cobwebs are something that Mike "does" notice, so I try to "pay mind" to them. That thought gives way to marriage.
You'd just about have to not know me to not know what's gone on with mine beginning in early 2010. Mike has gone the extra mile in every aspect of our relationship since then. Thing is that I haven't. I've waited for emotions to return. I get a glimpse of them sometimes, but I quickly return to fear and defensiveness. When I do do something that I know he prefers, enjoys, or appreciates; I get feelings from seeing his satisfaction. As a matter of fact, there should be a way on the keyboard to make that wholesome grin with the bottom lip pressed up against the top. That look is really growing on me. Little by little, we are becoming a couple again. We were divorce's ideal victims. Somewhere in the middle, (truthfully, from the beginning) intimacy has not been accurate in my mind. And that thought gives way to daily physical health. In congruence of the two, I've got to mention how "neat" it was when it came to mind that I should add spices to my coffee; then I was reading an article for Mike's health and discovered that the ginger I'd considered is at the top of the list for keeping my blood thin and circulation good. I love it when God's design kicks in and we crave something we need. The fact that this spice is a "warming" one should aid me in my wifely encounters ;).
I've only held onto weight after pregnancy like this one other time. I don't "perform" in my marriage confidently when I know deepdown I'm not trying all that hard to return my body to optimum health. When I'm "holding onto" my changeable inadequacies, then I'm "holding out" on my husband. We have a frontier to conquer and I'm weighing down the wagon. I'm pleased with the little progress I've made. I believe slow and steady weight loss is the key, but it's also very easy to get off course, to think today doesn't matter that much, like there's always tomorrow ...that's what the "tempter" is best at.
Play, pray, learn, teach, maintain, make contact, make love today ...and when it doesn't go the way you planned, laugh it off and wake up tomorrow, thanking God for another day to put your best foot forward. Your best IS good enough. Only you can let you be convinced otherwise.
Progression, 2 steps forward and maybe 1 back. Regression, 1 step forward and 2 back. We forget that a frivolous purchase can mean a pattern of debt, that an extra glance can mean the beginning of addiction or an affair, that an extra bite can mean greed that we wear, that a selfish deed can start the break in a heart, that an overlooked mess can turn into filth, that waiting 'til Sunday to be fed the Bible means it's probably not "Living", that not storing up might mean the end to the unprepared, that looking past the sins of our children today will cause them to suffer tomorrow. "It's a slow fade ...people never crumble in a day." None of us are standing still. Are we moving forward or backing up? And how are the ones around us affected by it? Because we know they are, whether we take the time to acknowledge it or not.
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