I made a call a couple of weeks ago to a number I got online. "Mr. Hilton?" I asked and could hear a child in the background. "Yes," he said. "Oh, I am so sorry. I've called your residence. I had no idea," I said dumbfounded. "Now that you have me, what is your concern?" he replied in a friendly voice. I stumbled all over my words in telling him my call was about the "Interscholastic Sports Open to All" Bill and wanted to know if there was ANYTHING I could do to move it along or represent it in ANY WAY. He appears to be a "common man" and is the North Carolina state representative newly sponsoring the bill. He said most others have chosen their ground on the matter. I think persuasion still has a fighting chance, so although I would like to speak in front of the committee, let them meet our children, petition every supporter we know, obtain referrals by coaches and fellow sportsman, I'll begin with a letter and hope that it has power. I'll skip the formalities here and get straight to the meat that I plan to send every committee member and representative, hoping he/she actually even reads and votes on the matter in the midst of all the pressing ones.
We are not homeschoolers who want to hold our children captive from society. We just have found that "if it isn't broken, don't fix it" regarding the origination of learning. It's worked for us for 14 years when my husband and I, having experience from both ends of the educational spectrum, honors and detention, decided to take this on. There are some homeschoolers who are concerned that if "we" as a collective are "given" something, the "state" will "require" something. Since the citizens of North Carolina pay the same property and sales taxes, I can't see that we homeschoolers would be "taking" anything. I understand that in the loss of each student, Federal funds are lowered, but that is really null and void when the student isn't present to use the funds. We don't want to "take" from anyone. In contrast, although we would consider it a privilege to have our childrens' abilities accepted and fostered under skilled and experienced coaching staffs, we believe and have testimony that our kids are "assets" to their teams and that the group gains from their participation and leadership. They have been ingrained by us to respect authority and standards, fully expecting to "fall in", following their elementary teammates/good friends to the next level of competition. We've almost exhausted the programs available through the Parks and Recreation Leagues and will have a local private school as a gracious host for a while, but as things stand now, it will come to an end soon unnecessarily, when they "age out".
The advice we've been given is to form our own leagues or to simply enroll them in school; afterall, they are older. There are a few "homeschool leagues" in North Carolina, all of which would demand a long drive. We have 7 children, so that isn't feasible. To start anything local in this rural community would be scarcely attended at best and would hardly draw serious attention from college scouts. To put them in "school" would interrupt their progress. The path we've selected is to test (into the invaluable assistance North Carolina offers in letting 16 - 18 year olds attend the college system, with only a book charge), to find their niche to volunteer for, and begin work to gain access to other avenues of interest, as our now 20 year old did in paying for her own flight lessons and getting her Private Pilot License just after turning 17, the second youngest to test in under that administrator. Oh, and the third piece of advice we get - involve them in more solitary sport. Our 2 older daughters did just that in the flying for the one and for them both: Tae Kwon Do, archery, dance, horsemanship, and even pickup games with other youth. However, for this new competitive "breed" of youngsters we have, that list doesn't impassion them.
To expand on our "keeping it at home" way, we homeschool (for lack of a better word) because of the level of personal accountability and discipline we can assess; because of independent ingenuity and time/materials to express it in creativity; because of exploration of obscure/individual interests and gifts; because of the setting with realistic generational relationships; because of family life - child teaching child, child freely playing as a child ought, child developing good nature/humor and not permitted to do so at the cruel expense of another, child performing physical work of household and property maintenance along with animal husbandry, then child working and volunteering in the community with the drive to "live it like you mean it"; because of getting to spend time with Daddy who has odd hours and responsibilities as an owner/operator under his own authorities; because of the trips that several of us have taken with him to 48 states (to The Alamo, the San Diego Zoo, the Columbia River, The Smithsonian, the Adirandacks, the forgotten caves of the Appalachians, the seas of the Gulf Coast, the Alabama Battleship, the Rio Grande and so very much in between that they have touched and seen); and because Christ is the center of it all and all is taught with due relevance ...as well as opposing viewpoints. So, you see, this is a lifestyle and we see your sports system as a VERY valuable facet to the well roundedness of our family. Our son has played football now for 5 years. He is "sold", in love, always ready, never late, continually firing up the team and discouraging bad attitudes (reprimanding selfpity and outbursts of anger). One of his 11 year old teammates I hadn't met, approached me at a restaurant and told me of how Michael got them through the game.
For now, all lovers of the game lend me your hearts. In the sweat and determination of football, boys find confidence coupled with humility. They find their threshold of pain and tolerance. They form a brotherhood in reaching their common "goal". They're pushed to find what's lying within to finish what they begin. They learn it from men who have gone before them who care that the mind and body of those boys are working in synchronicity. Then, there's the field, the spectacle, game day, glory, defeat, still a band of friends in the end. Michael just turned 13, is 5'11, and is made of the fusion of Georgia and Alabama blood with great grandfathers towering at 6'6. I don't see how exclusion for a young man (who can make the cut) from such an experience can come from educators, who claim to teach the very best things to brighten the future of young America. I know that there's an "association" that regulates this all and I have spoken with the director himself, who had a speech of rules ready for me. My understanding is that the three concerns are of grade accountability, insurance, and districts. Coaching staff spends so much time with athletes that learning deficiences would be apparent and who's to say that the required grade average is in basic or advanced learning? If personal insurance is held (and if not, the taxes cover the state's purchase of it), then that issue seems negligable. Even to the average person, districts really aren't difficult to trace and manage. It doesn't seem virtuous, over these slight issues, to ban boys who are so desperate to play.
Fear not, I'm in this for the girls, too. The fire was just fanned by our son. In the last 3 years, our 14 year old daughter has become prolific at softball and basketball. She, like her brother, gives a "chin up" mentality to the players. Today, the coach's wife shared with me in sincerity that McKala is respectful to no end and carries a smile wherever she is, which happens to be First Base. Her 10 year old sister is right on her heels, gaining understanding of plays and quickly developing skill. The exercise alone is irreplaceable. This IS their social circle. These sports link them to the community and contrary to some beliefs, our kids are not unexposed to diversity. McKala, the 14 year old, played Rec League Basketball this year in the city of Statesville with hispanic, black, boy, girl and loved every minute of it. When it came time for her birthday party, she invited her new black girl friend on the team to spend the night, along with her other friends from our town (which I dare say is uncommon here). As far as she sees, there is no color barrier and doesn't cave to peers to convince her otherwise. So, please allow the "exposure"/ the experience to continue, regardless of the school they attend. As far as I know, 23 states have already. The best of both worlds IS what I'm pleading with you for. If I could speak before you, I would. If I could bring our children for you to behold their countenances and hear their stories, I would. If I could present you with a petition of approval from our coaches, parents, teammates, a collegiate official, doctors, and others, I would. If I could show you pictures of them "on their game", I would. If you would put yourself in my shoes to see my pure intent, I would be grateful and delighted to have your representation and give you my support for your compassion on this voice and those of young athletes who need a "place" to continue on at what they excel.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Michael Strong, this one's for you
I'm interested that you asked to be my "friend" knowing how vehemently I don't believe what you do believe. I'm unsure if you are of the "if you can't outtalk 'em, 'friend' 'em" philosophy. I am sure that I like your "feisty" compliment, so this one's for you.
My "friends list" is small. I've deleted or ignored a couple of hundred people. I've decided I like the intimacy of the truth and have recently thrown all caution away to be intensely personal. Afterall, I'll be 40 this summer. It's time to figure out what I'm doing, give it some kind of definition.
Indeed, I'm very conversative, "ultra" if you wish to use the term, BUT in some unorthodox ways. Even in this small farming community we've found ourselves in, fully embracing the lifestyle, people aren't sure what to make of us. We won't be involved in the local churches' Easter egg hunts because the resurrection of Christ deserves more than a Pagan tradition taken over in the name of Christian fun. (I don't care for the parading around in pretty dresses that day either as if we are impressing God somehow in what is much less than a show of humility.) But I won't cause a stir.
You mention diversity and its changing dynamic in America. Muslims, as well as ones from other faiths, should not come here (even be born here) and think that it is their right to deteriorate the grounds that America was founded on. Those "fathers" were just mortal men as we are and are relentlessly criticized for every small thing, but that does not negate the perfection of their intentions. Tell me what is so wrong with honest Biblical doctrine. I see the same ugliness that you do in those who twist the Word of God for self satisfaction. The subject that causes the most devisiveness seems to me to be the one of homosexuality. It is very much a topic of uncleanliness and departure from the intended structure of family and complimentary love. I've tried several times to listen (Sirius radio) to reason on it, but the language is virtually always too vulgar to bear.
In our year spent renting in a "diverse" neighborhood, I came away with some lasting friendships with hispanic women. I also saw the outlandish abuse of and the heavy burden laid on our social services. We were part of those services for over a year after my husband's aortic bypass.
On the environment, I believe the vast majority of us are terrible stewards of the blessings bestowed as God presented His creation to us. However, I know that no amount of "saving" the Earth will prevent its annihilation. No amount of Utopian thinking will prevent it. To take for granted any beautiful or needful thing that is available to us is something of a sin. I cringe at the thought of purchasing materials for "craft" projects, for "decorating", for dressing "just so", for the sake of owning every new "trinket". If you take a while and read back in my blogs, you'll learn my thoughts on simple living. Again, I don't cause "stirs" over these things. I just don't participate when I can get out of it.
Please, do me the service of reading "old authentic" books, as the one from 1881 I mentioned, along with our family and see how many good "white" men abhorred slavery and died in its name. Also the tribute that was given to black forefathers is notable and sometimes "blotted out"...in the name of rivalry to benefit would be sympathizers? There is this prevailing culture that we "white" people owe "black" people. In terms of retribution, my own grandfather was nothing more than a cotton sharecropper. Remember Mrs. Hanson? - Alan Wood's secretary, my mother, picked cotton with her hands as a child. If anything, our daughter has had a taste of reverse racism. A coworker has no use for her and went as far as to tell her that since she was done with her work that our daughter would do hers. The fine thing about that is ours is almost 5'11, looked her right in the eyes and said, "I will not". The character I mentioned instilling in the children is what let her managers know that the accusations of laziness were unfounded and absurd. The presidency - he doesn't have the experience of work or life to be considered a "wise" man. I don't either. It is frustrating for me and so many to have to choose "the lesser of two evils". You will always be able to come up with your side's facts more readily than I. In surviving "life" lately, I mostly pick up pieces of info here and there. And that's due much to the fact that I don't have time for TV nor like it on. You'll find that I can't remember names and I suck altogether at quoting, but I assure you that once I get a gut feeling from a source, it stays with me.
Give me not just "your" system, but any and I will "buck" it. Nothing will ever convince me that a bigger government will solve the resounding issues of today or any other day. I've had brushes with those who will take an offering, waste it, and come back for more. No amount of "handouts" will ever usurp the strength of "handups", which those of faith should be more willing to volunteer. Institutions, even churches, can be disturbingly self serving. Schools, public or private, were not founded on the best of what's to offer. For the children's sake, in the case of illiterate or depraved parenting, I can see but not as a convenience in the industrialization of society. Not even hospitals are beyond my critique. I did choose homebirth once and it was cherished in my realm of experiences. I was glad to know that medical professionals were available had an emergency played out. And that is just my point, a need. Why are we lazy, mindless victims? There is so much we can do for ourselves without relying on and being in debt to the "higher ups".
So, Mr. Strong, I am swiftly becoming a woman of middle age who wrestles with 30 pounds like they're the end of the world and is desperately trying to find a comfortable place to restore hope to my marriage. I have been entrusted with 7 phenomenal souls to launch hoping their highest aspirations are to honor God daily in honoring themselves, their abilities, and their fellow man. I'm preparing them to lead, to be trailblazers...and if they are not chosen to lead, to be wise enough to know who to follow. I love everything about the outdoors and can get pretty exhilerated over what I'm able to observe and get into. I fancy the thought that all I will be accused of is occasionally missing relevent moments of teaching, liking good food too much, arriving behind schedule, and staying up too late.
I'll let you be you, if you'll let me be me. I'll not call you "Lawyer Strong" if you'll not mention how "obvious" it is that I'm NOT a lawyer. I suppose we could work off our comments as we learn what there is to like in each other's view of the space we share.
My "friends list" is small. I've deleted or ignored a couple of hundred people. I've decided I like the intimacy of the truth and have recently thrown all caution away to be intensely personal. Afterall, I'll be 40 this summer. It's time to figure out what I'm doing, give it some kind of definition.
Indeed, I'm very conversative, "ultra" if you wish to use the term, BUT in some unorthodox ways. Even in this small farming community we've found ourselves in, fully embracing the lifestyle, people aren't sure what to make of us. We won't be involved in the local churches' Easter egg hunts because the resurrection of Christ deserves more than a Pagan tradition taken over in the name of Christian fun. (I don't care for the parading around in pretty dresses that day either as if we are impressing God somehow in what is much less than a show of humility.) But I won't cause a stir.
You mention diversity and its changing dynamic in America. Muslims, as well as ones from other faiths, should not come here (even be born here) and think that it is their right to deteriorate the grounds that America was founded on. Those "fathers" were just mortal men as we are and are relentlessly criticized for every small thing, but that does not negate the perfection of their intentions. Tell me what is so wrong with honest Biblical doctrine. I see the same ugliness that you do in those who twist the Word of God for self satisfaction. The subject that causes the most devisiveness seems to me to be the one of homosexuality. It is very much a topic of uncleanliness and departure from the intended structure of family and complimentary love. I've tried several times to listen (Sirius radio) to reason on it, but the language is virtually always too vulgar to bear.
In our year spent renting in a "diverse" neighborhood, I came away with some lasting friendships with hispanic women. I also saw the outlandish abuse of and the heavy burden laid on our social services. We were part of those services for over a year after my husband's aortic bypass.
On the environment, I believe the vast majority of us are terrible stewards of the blessings bestowed as God presented His creation to us. However, I know that no amount of "saving" the Earth will prevent its annihilation. No amount of Utopian thinking will prevent it. To take for granted any beautiful or needful thing that is available to us is something of a sin. I cringe at the thought of purchasing materials for "craft" projects, for "decorating", for dressing "just so", for the sake of owning every new "trinket". If you take a while and read back in my blogs, you'll learn my thoughts on simple living. Again, I don't cause "stirs" over these things. I just don't participate when I can get out of it.
Please, do me the service of reading "old authentic" books, as the one from 1881 I mentioned, along with our family and see how many good "white" men abhorred slavery and died in its name. Also the tribute that was given to black forefathers is notable and sometimes "blotted out"...in the name of rivalry to benefit would be sympathizers? There is this prevailing culture that we "white" people owe "black" people. In terms of retribution, my own grandfather was nothing more than a cotton sharecropper. Remember Mrs. Hanson? - Alan Wood's secretary, my mother, picked cotton with her hands as a child. If anything, our daughter has had a taste of reverse racism. A coworker has no use for her and went as far as to tell her that since she was done with her work that our daughter would do hers. The fine thing about that is ours is almost 5'11, looked her right in the eyes and said, "I will not". The character I mentioned instilling in the children is what let her managers know that the accusations of laziness were unfounded and absurd. The presidency - he doesn't have the experience of work or life to be considered a "wise" man. I don't either. It is frustrating for me and so many to have to choose "the lesser of two evils". You will always be able to come up with your side's facts more readily than I. In surviving "life" lately, I mostly pick up pieces of info here and there. And that's due much to the fact that I don't have time for TV nor like it on. You'll find that I can't remember names and I suck altogether at quoting, but I assure you that once I get a gut feeling from a source, it stays with me.
Give me not just "your" system, but any and I will "buck" it. Nothing will ever convince me that a bigger government will solve the resounding issues of today or any other day. I've had brushes with those who will take an offering, waste it, and come back for more. No amount of "handouts" will ever usurp the strength of "handups", which those of faith should be more willing to volunteer. Institutions, even churches, can be disturbingly self serving. Schools, public or private, were not founded on the best of what's to offer. For the children's sake, in the case of illiterate or depraved parenting, I can see but not as a convenience in the industrialization of society. Not even hospitals are beyond my critique. I did choose homebirth once and it was cherished in my realm of experiences. I was glad to know that medical professionals were available had an emergency played out. And that is just my point, a need. Why are we lazy, mindless victims? There is so much we can do for ourselves without relying on and being in debt to the "higher ups".
So, Mr. Strong, I am swiftly becoming a woman of middle age who wrestles with 30 pounds like they're the end of the world and is desperately trying to find a comfortable place to restore hope to my marriage. I have been entrusted with 7 phenomenal souls to launch hoping their highest aspirations are to honor God daily in honoring themselves, their abilities, and their fellow man. I'm preparing them to lead, to be trailblazers...and if they are not chosen to lead, to be wise enough to know who to follow. I love everything about the outdoors and can get pretty exhilerated over what I'm able to observe and get into. I fancy the thought that all I will be accused of is occasionally missing relevent moments of teaching, liking good food too much, arriving behind schedule, and staying up too late.
I'll let you be you, if you'll let me be me. I'll not call you "Lawyer Strong" if you'll not mention how "obvious" it is that I'm NOT a lawyer. I suppose we could work off our comments as we learn what there is to like in each other's view of the space we share.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Diversion, is not that the best tactic?
This is my first "blog" by the pond. I reluntantly put on a tank top to expose my winter skin to the sun. The tank exposes much more than color. I'll cut myself some slack though since the demands of the truck wreck have brought forth a condition that weakens me considerably to the point that by midafternoons, I didn't have the energy to move on. I have, however, had at least a dozen new blogs racing through my mind but have saved them to "trigger words" for later. Instead, I've restored some order to the house, watched the children and noted their needs, read up in the Bible and was shamed to just now find answers that have always been there, and slept. Truth be known, my optimum performance is with 9 hours sleep. I'm "tired" of being afraid to acknowledge it, not afraid of my husband's, but of this fast paced world's, opinion.
All of us but McKala skipped church this morning in hopes of also skipping the stomach bug going around. Some may think it self serving, but today I'm communing just fine out here in the open with my Maker. Melody is playing her keyboard on the front porch, Macklynn and best friend,Trevor, are sword fighting on the driveway, Miranda is making flyers to give away 2 of her rabbits because work takes her away from them, Michael has been giving his 3 week old calf feed by hand, McKala is reading/sleeping since she "is" the one who got up and went on to church, Madalynn is making me wet sand pies with dry sand "sprinkles" as my dog dripping from catching tapdoles comes to see if there's any for her.
So much seems to "happen" to us. As I've mentioned, none of it has involved finality of life and for that, I am profoundly thankful. In the last days having time to relax and reflect, I'm convinced that these misfortunes, even our awkward marriage reconnections, are very much a diversion tactic by the evil one himself. People say not to let the children be what keeps it all together, but I'm learning that they are very much the glue 'til we have time to change our ways and make new memories. Our 16 year old is on the verge of making her future happen while dealing with some pretty deep issues; our 13 and 14 year olds are quickly on their way to maturity, very delicate times of personal growth; our 10 year old is well on her way to flowering and hung in the middle of home dealings; our 6 and 3 year olds will leave their childhoods behind them before I know it. I remember years ago explaining our marital woes to my closest friend and she ended it with reference to Mike's constant interaction with the children, the very desire so many women have. He even takes someone to the gas station or to run the briefest of errands. For Mike and I to set out on separate paths has the potential to break building blocks in their lives from which they may never recover. My own parents, one in the name of personal satisfaction, were divorced when I was fifteen. I don't know if it was thought that I was old enough to understand, but I assure you that I was not. My parents have since remarried each other, but those years of my brother's and my lives can't be recovered even in the best of forgiveness. And who knows what traits were left in us?
When Mike reads this, he might find what's written so far to be disturbing. I hope the following will redeem me. In the living out of daily functions, I've felt a flicker, a spark, seen a glimmer out of the blue in the last couple of weeks. He's distraught that it's been a year and that being "in love'' has no hope of returning or if it ever "was". With the mildest responses, I've explained that moving forward in friendly laughter will make the new foundation on which to build the new us. And on the way to the store yesterday, I had a "revelation".
The blog before last was about "living country". It's ironic that he was born in Fulton County just outside of Atlanta and I was raised in North Alabama, but HE is the culmination of all things country. I credit his parents for "turning him loose" when the school day was over letting him ride out his pent up energy on his motorcycle all over the community, through the woods, and on the creekbank. He has tales of playing in drain pipes, making his own fun. He carried it with him when, as a young teen, his family finally escaped to the country. He was in his element, even taking on one of the deepest drawls of anyone around as he helped his now lifelong friend slaughter hogs for sausage and make it right out on the front porch for people all around to come and buy. Although miles away still, the lake life was such an attaction for him and his friends. It's one of the things I hope he can afford to regain one day to enjoy with our sons and daughters. I'd say it's almost inevitable, even if we have to rent equipment, since two of the things the children have yet to do is learn how to water ski and drive a boat.
All this is to say that I'm a biscuit hater from Alabama and didn't ever have a real pair of cowboy boots 'til he bought them for me, not having ridden horses much since my Shetland Pony. All the fun and adventure we have derives from his rooted connection with the outdoors and hard work. If not for him, I quite likely would be a high falutin, well educated, not so wise but ever so practical creature living in boring normalcy. Often his use, as most men's, for these country things is practical, but it pulls me into another level - the beauty and awe of every created thing and its purpose. In deciding "who Michelle is" after all these years, I'm finding that what I'm drawn to, Mike led me there, sometimes in strife but either way, I'm there and a lot of good surrounds me in this world we've made.
I've already listed off things on Facebook that's he's inspired here: the flying, repairing, riding, building; firewood and the fascination with fire, water, history, travel, sports, and much more; discovery - finding and digging up things to find the value of; shooting, hunting, caring for animals and plants; even down to the cooking and sewing. He and I met when I was 16 and he was 19, married in a little over a year, and I didn't know the first thing about homemaking including cooking and cleaning, which I'm still teased to no end about. I had been on the fast track to college. I studied, primped, socialized, and drew on occasion. I'm glad he saw past the facade. He thinks I'm not glad - that I regret so much of my life. I only regret that it wasn't done with more peace. Last year came to a head when so many things that used to be directed at me were suddenly cast also on the children, not that he was always wrong in his judgement but that it was issued with animosity. So, they have a long road to travel back, too. He's stated that since they're very capable of doing things he's taught them that he isn't very needed now. He was met promptly with the fact that things still have to be passed onto Macklynn and Madalynn. That was a very nice touch from the mouth of a 13 year old son. I say we get back to doing the things he dreams up that make life worth living, just within our spending limits this time and without the cursing and excess of alcohol when things don't go as planned.
See, he thinks that all this writing, the working out of my thoughts, is the beginning of the end. I think it's just documenting how far we will have gone when we look back from the correction of something that otherwise would've been rubble if we'd quit and if God were not One of many chances.
All of us but McKala skipped church this morning in hopes of also skipping the stomach bug going around. Some may think it self serving, but today I'm communing just fine out here in the open with my Maker. Melody is playing her keyboard on the front porch, Macklynn and best friend,Trevor, are sword fighting on the driveway, Miranda is making flyers to give away 2 of her rabbits because work takes her away from them, Michael has been giving his 3 week old calf feed by hand, McKala is reading/sleeping since she "is" the one who got up and went on to church, Madalynn is making me wet sand pies with dry sand "sprinkles" as my dog dripping from catching tapdoles comes to see if there's any for her.
So much seems to "happen" to us. As I've mentioned, none of it has involved finality of life and for that, I am profoundly thankful. In the last days having time to relax and reflect, I'm convinced that these misfortunes, even our awkward marriage reconnections, are very much a diversion tactic by the evil one himself. People say not to let the children be what keeps it all together, but I'm learning that they are very much the glue 'til we have time to change our ways and make new memories. Our 16 year old is on the verge of making her future happen while dealing with some pretty deep issues; our 13 and 14 year olds are quickly on their way to maturity, very delicate times of personal growth; our 10 year old is well on her way to flowering and hung in the middle of home dealings; our 6 and 3 year olds will leave their childhoods behind them before I know it. I remember years ago explaining our marital woes to my closest friend and she ended it with reference to Mike's constant interaction with the children, the very desire so many women have. He even takes someone to the gas station or to run the briefest of errands. For Mike and I to set out on separate paths has the potential to break building blocks in their lives from which they may never recover. My own parents, one in the name of personal satisfaction, were divorced when I was fifteen. I don't know if it was thought that I was old enough to understand, but I assure you that I was not. My parents have since remarried each other, but those years of my brother's and my lives can't be recovered even in the best of forgiveness. And who knows what traits were left in us?
When Mike reads this, he might find what's written so far to be disturbing. I hope the following will redeem me. In the living out of daily functions, I've felt a flicker, a spark, seen a glimmer out of the blue in the last couple of weeks. He's distraught that it's been a year and that being "in love'' has no hope of returning or if it ever "was". With the mildest responses, I've explained that moving forward in friendly laughter will make the new foundation on which to build the new us. And on the way to the store yesterday, I had a "revelation".
The blog before last was about "living country". It's ironic that he was born in Fulton County just outside of Atlanta and I was raised in North Alabama, but HE is the culmination of all things country. I credit his parents for "turning him loose" when the school day was over letting him ride out his pent up energy on his motorcycle all over the community, through the woods, and on the creekbank. He has tales of playing in drain pipes, making his own fun. He carried it with him when, as a young teen, his family finally escaped to the country. He was in his element, even taking on one of the deepest drawls of anyone around as he helped his now lifelong friend slaughter hogs for sausage and make it right out on the front porch for people all around to come and buy. Although miles away still, the lake life was such an attaction for him and his friends. It's one of the things I hope he can afford to regain one day to enjoy with our sons and daughters. I'd say it's almost inevitable, even if we have to rent equipment, since two of the things the children have yet to do is learn how to water ski and drive a boat.
All this is to say that I'm a biscuit hater from Alabama and didn't ever have a real pair of cowboy boots 'til he bought them for me, not having ridden horses much since my Shetland Pony. All the fun and adventure we have derives from his rooted connection with the outdoors and hard work. If not for him, I quite likely would be a high falutin, well educated, not so wise but ever so practical creature living in boring normalcy. Often his use, as most men's, for these country things is practical, but it pulls me into another level - the beauty and awe of every created thing and its purpose. In deciding "who Michelle is" after all these years, I'm finding that what I'm drawn to, Mike led me there, sometimes in strife but either way, I'm there and a lot of good surrounds me in this world we've made.
I've already listed off things on Facebook that's he's inspired here: the flying, repairing, riding, building; firewood and the fascination with fire, water, history, travel, sports, and much more; discovery - finding and digging up things to find the value of; shooting, hunting, caring for animals and plants; even down to the cooking and sewing. He and I met when I was 16 and he was 19, married in a little over a year, and I didn't know the first thing about homemaking including cooking and cleaning, which I'm still teased to no end about. I had been on the fast track to college. I studied, primped, socialized, and drew on occasion. I'm glad he saw past the facade. He thinks I'm not glad - that I regret so much of my life. I only regret that it wasn't done with more peace. Last year came to a head when so many things that used to be directed at me were suddenly cast also on the children, not that he was always wrong in his judgement but that it was issued with animosity. So, they have a long road to travel back, too. He's stated that since they're very capable of doing things he's taught them that he isn't very needed now. He was met promptly with the fact that things still have to be passed onto Macklynn and Madalynn. That was a very nice touch from the mouth of a 13 year old son. I say we get back to doing the things he dreams up that make life worth living, just within our spending limits this time and without the cursing and excess of alcohol when things don't go as planned.
See, he thinks that all this writing, the working out of my thoughts, is the beginning of the end. I think it's just documenting how far we will have gone when we look back from the correction of something that otherwise would've been rubble if we'd quit and if God were not One of many chances.
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