A farmer's daughter and an orphan, of sorts, in smalltown, Alabama, bore her.
A pony and peaceful enough life, of what can be remembered, were given her.
Daddy's new job changed farm life to suburb life for her.
"You are smart and pretty," over and over was told her.
Before anyone knew it, every contest was won her.
And soon, every eye was toward her.
Everyone wanted a piece of her,
especially men.
So, at the early age of 12, sneaking out became a game to her.
But at 13, again the new girl, everything got serious when friends convinced her
that an older guy would be a good first "experience" for her.
Instead, pregnancy was the experience found her.
Taken to an abortion clinic was the solution given her.
All she can remember is the lie that was sold to her
to convince her there was never a child inside of her.
And the shame, the shame that someone, maybe the teacher,
might figure out what weeks out of PE meant for that 8th grader.
Somehow, down it never slowed her.
The life of the party, the weekend drinker became her.
Not many boys for her, mostly men, and they liked her.
Before she knew it, she had been with as many men as the years before her.
Confession to someone was all she could think of to help her,
but all she remembers is the door closing, no Bible opened, no prayer for her,
at least not with her.
A blur are so many things to her.
But one day, that day her dad finally went away, was the day for her
she went and stayed with a man who was of no desire to her,
just a body, just a comfort, when everything seemed lost to her.
Achievements were earned by her.
Good grades were easy for her.
But none of it was relevant to her.
Broken and beyond all the norms, nothing spoke to her,
until
A man told her that he loved her.
He was exciting, completely different from what was known to her.
Chances are that she was more into him and he into her
than either of them was actually in love with the other.
But he married her
a month after her high school graduated her.
College in the big city was awaiting her.
So, she went, and within six months felt certain another baby was within her.
A classmate informed her they'd test her
at a clinic down the street, where they told her
a baby was bad for her.
And even her mother wasn't sure for her.
But that baby was hers.
No doubt she was having her.
School and work and marriage all continued with her
till that day she couldn't keep leaving her
with anyone else but her.
Being home wasn't easy for her.
She really didn't know what to do but to love her.
Working on the weekends seemed good for her,
until she met with a temptation she thought was gone from her.
The unthinkable happened while she was home with her,
a stranger where he had no business with her.
Regret bombarded her.
What had become of her?
Counseling seemed the only hope for her.
And that's where the Light came on for her.
Repentance and acceptance became real to her.
Jesus was alive in her!
Had he been there all along since he moved her
at VBS when she was 8, maybe saving her
all the while? No one had discipled her.
It didn't matter to her.
Now, her "her" was a "she."
Things didn't have to keep happening to her
as if no one could hear her.
She could make things happen through her belief in prayer.
She had four more babies and was pregnant with another before the tempter came again.
She had to see him every day, while the kids would play.
She had a way out when the summer was over, but
she revisited what had overcome her, because there was still part of her
she had not dealt with.
She still had imaginations no one knew of.
She had first seen porn in her childhood home and again in her own.
She wasn't wanting to be with another woman but to be that woman.
She would never have admitted it, but what she wanted was to be something of a goddess,
a deceptive perception of what she could nor should ever be.
She escaped the dilemma, not unscathed, but by fear of what damage she might have made.
She had that and one more baby, totaling 8 with the one gone above.
She thought is was over, the old her behind her, when men from school "found" her and asked if they could "friend" her.
She thought she had it under control, but
she had no experience with this way of communicating, and
she found that ears are far too willing to hear what woes are written between the lines.
She learned the hard way the trap that was set. Now,
she has boundaries in place to prevent such events.
She was to be tested one more time, during a lesson given twice a week. For months,
she knew all too well from the look in his eye, what way this was going.
She avoided. She sat in the car. But finally she knew there was only one way to stop it.
She had to leave. And she did. And for the first time, she had true victory.
She's learning that there's more to her than meets the eye.
She's learning that she can take God at his Word, because she reads it every day.
She's learning that God is her Father and her Husband and that purity is what pleases him.
She's learning that taking care of herself doesn't have to get any attention from anyone.
She's learning that, in fact, the better she looks the more she ought to hide it away as a gift.
She's learning that she too can be holy and is commanded to be so, just like the Savior
of the her
she used to be.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Dissenters, the Division
My husband had told me he saw the Blue Angels fly over while he was mowing last week. He loves them, especially since he spent several weeks of disaster relief in Pensacola, FL, where they are stationed and do regular maneuvers along the coastline. I didn't think anything else of it until we watched Washington, DC's Fourth of July Celebration. After a detailed history and due credit for each branch of our Service were given, flyovers were performed, including the Blue Angels!
I'm not moved by many things. Pride is certainly not one of them. But unity is. I couldn't help but well up with the passion of our President and of the people.
Immediately, there were dissenters, pundits expounding that it was a political play and that there has been no true unity or righteousness in America's past.
Our family's observations have been that the disunity is almost always irrefutably what used to be from the fringe element, but, thanks to public education and social degradation, we are afraid is now the norm and here to stay.
This week, a city council took a private vote to discontinue the Pledge of Allegiance at the beginning of meetings. As I was watching the fallout and the smug response of the leading member, I wondered to myself, "Do we need a war?!" Seriously, do we need a war to remind us that life is not always this easy?
For the Israelites, that was the obvious case. Every couple of generations, they had to be reminded of everything they took for granted. God made it so very clear what He wants, after a long list of sexual things he considers vile, "(For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;) that the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you." (Lev. 18:27-28). This after having said, "And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants. Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you: ...."
And of the custom of Molech, whose sacrifice demanded children, the LORD said, "And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name. And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not: then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people." (Lev. 20: 3-5).
First of all, thank Jesus that death is not the sentence anymore. It's interesting though how we dismiss Old Testament standards as archaic and, in our simplicity, don't understand that at the rate we're going, none of us would be alive to talk about it if not for the longsuffering of God, having sent his Son that generations might continue.
At large, we are consumed with lusts of every kind, so much so that when we receive the fruitfulness of them, we sacrifice it to the god of convenience to keep doing that thing which produces the gift that we don't want in the first place. And in the extreme of performing sexual intercourse that cannot even produce fruit, we prove exactly how disinterested we are in children at all.
So here we are, but Dust. We forget so quickly the lessons of the Bible and the sacrifices of our veterans, to provide us a lawful land of unity and peace, which is never possible without protection. Idealists don't believe it's necessary. Realists know that it is. So, thank God, our Defense is present and active and celebrated as it was this Fourth of July.
I'm not moved by many things. Pride is certainly not one of them. But unity is. I couldn't help but well up with the passion of our President and of the people.
Immediately, there were dissenters, pundits expounding that it was a political play and that there has been no true unity or righteousness in America's past.
Our family's observations have been that the disunity is almost always irrefutably what used to be from the fringe element, but, thanks to public education and social degradation, we are afraid is now the norm and here to stay.
This week, a city council took a private vote to discontinue the Pledge of Allegiance at the beginning of meetings. As I was watching the fallout and the smug response of the leading member, I wondered to myself, "Do we need a war?!" Seriously, do we need a war to remind us that life is not always this easy?
For the Israelites, that was the obvious case. Every couple of generations, they had to be reminded of everything they took for granted. God made it so very clear what He wants, after a long list of sexual things he considers vile, "(For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled;) that the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you." (Lev. 18:27-28). This after having said, "And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants. Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourneth among you: ...."
And of the custom of Molech, whose sacrifice demanded children, the LORD said, "And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name. And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not: then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people." (Lev. 20: 3-5).
First of all, thank Jesus that death is not the sentence anymore. It's interesting though how we dismiss Old Testament standards as archaic and, in our simplicity, don't understand that at the rate we're going, none of us would be alive to talk about it if not for the longsuffering of God, having sent his Son that generations might continue.
At large, we are consumed with lusts of every kind, so much so that when we receive the fruitfulness of them, we sacrifice it to the god of convenience to keep doing that thing which produces the gift that we don't want in the first place. And in the extreme of performing sexual intercourse that cannot even produce fruit, we prove exactly how disinterested we are in children at all.
So here we are, but Dust. We forget so quickly the lessons of the Bible and the sacrifices of our veterans, to provide us a lawful land of unity and peace, which is never possible without protection. Idealists don't believe it's necessary. Realists know that it is. So, thank God, our Defense is present and active and celebrated as it was this Fourth of July.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Lora
30 years married is a long time, especially for my husband and me. But as of July 1st, that's how far we've come.
He had an out of town doctor's appointment for his first annual check of his pacemaker. So, we were on a "doctor date," I call it. I think that's pretty common for anyone who has a chronically ill family member.
Since we were nearby, he took me to my favorite restaurant. And as we were leaving, I asked him if it would be bad of me to run by my favorite shoe store, the buy one, get one half off kind, to finish getting geared up for my return to the gym. Actually, I haven't done anything significant in the gym other than work there and tell other people what to do, since I was a member of the Racquetball Club in high school.
He patiently sat in the car while I went straight to the men's athletic isle. My feet are so wide, I don't even look at the women's anymore. I settled on a pair of throwback Reeboks and asked the girl packing boxes on the next isle if I'd be the only person in America sporting those at the gym. She liked 'em just fine. I told her our kids would probably make fun of me but that they like the 32 year old L. L. Bean bag I still have from high school and think I should tote it around at App State, where I probably wouldn't be on campus much, but have recently applied to finish college.
She said, "I know a lot of middle aged people going back to school." I grinned then told her it would be to write. She said, "I write too." Surprised, I said, "It'll probably be toward ministry." She said, "Women ought to talk more to women about those things."
I was still astonished at someone of her generation, when I had asked if she has a belief and if it is in God, then if it is in Jesus, she had a resounding, "Yes," for them all. They weren't cutesy, right answer "yeses," but serious, matter-of-fact ones. She looked all of 15, but she was 19, with a very thin and unassuming appearance, with glasses and lots of dark hair.
I told her what day it was and that I should be getting out to the car but first mentioned a few facts about the miracle of making it this far. I said that a lot of people make excuses, but God. She lit up and said, "'But God', that was the subject of my favorite sermon from my church in Ohio!" I could almost see her recounting it. Then, her face began to flush, as she encouraged me to do the writing. She said, "I'm the only Christian in my family. I just moved out on my own. And it's hard; I haven't had anybody to show me how to be a Christian."
I immediately identified with her and asked her if I could hug her neck. Her face was splotched with red. I didn't even know her name but I had to find out so that I could pray for her. And I told her that I would. And I will. Because it matters. All these encounters, they matter. As a matter of fact, they're all that matter, conversations that bear witness that our LORD is on His throne, as are thirty years of marriage between two fleshly, immature, passionate people evidences that God is real and that His Word still stands.
He had an out of town doctor's appointment for his first annual check of his pacemaker. So, we were on a "doctor date," I call it. I think that's pretty common for anyone who has a chronically ill family member.
Since we were nearby, he took me to my favorite restaurant. And as we were leaving, I asked him if it would be bad of me to run by my favorite shoe store, the buy one, get one half off kind, to finish getting geared up for my return to the gym. Actually, I haven't done anything significant in the gym other than work there and tell other people what to do, since I was a member of the Racquetball Club in high school.
He patiently sat in the car while I went straight to the men's athletic isle. My feet are so wide, I don't even look at the women's anymore. I settled on a pair of throwback Reeboks and asked the girl packing boxes on the next isle if I'd be the only person in America sporting those at the gym. She liked 'em just fine. I told her our kids would probably make fun of me but that they like the 32 year old L. L. Bean bag I still have from high school and think I should tote it around at App State, where I probably wouldn't be on campus much, but have recently applied to finish college.
She said, "I know a lot of middle aged people going back to school." I grinned then told her it would be to write. She said, "I write too." Surprised, I said, "It'll probably be toward ministry." She said, "Women ought to talk more to women about those things."
I was still astonished at someone of her generation, when I had asked if she has a belief and if it is in God, then if it is in Jesus, she had a resounding, "Yes," for them all. They weren't cutesy, right answer "yeses," but serious, matter-of-fact ones. She looked all of 15, but she was 19, with a very thin and unassuming appearance, with glasses and lots of dark hair.
I told her what day it was and that I should be getting out to the car but first mentioned a few facts about the miracle of making it this far. I said that a lot of people make excuses, but God. She lit up and said, "'But God', that was the subject of my favorite sermon from my church in Ohio!" I could almost see her recounting it. Then, her face began to flush, as she encouraged me to do the writing. She said, "I'm the only Christian in my family. I just moved out on my own. And it's hard; I haven't had anybody to show me how to be a Christian."
I immediately identified with her and asked her if I could hug her neck. Her face was splotched with red. I didn't even know her name but I had to find out so that I could pray for her. And I told her that I would. And I will. Because it matters. All these encounters, they matter. As a matter of fact, they're all that matter, conversations that bear witness that our LORD is on His throne, as are thirty years of marriage between two fleshly, immature, passionate people evidences that God is real and that His Word still stands.
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