A farmer's daughter and an orphan, of sorts, in smalltown, Alabama, bore her.
A pony and peaceful enough life, of what can be remembered, were given her.
Daddy's new job changed farm life to suburb life for her.
"You are smart and pretty," over and over was told her.
Before anyone knew it, every contest was won her.
And soon, every eye was toward her.
Everyone wanted a piece of her,
especially men.
So, at the early age of 12, sneaking out became a game to her.
But at 13, again the new girl, everything got serious when friends convinced her
that an older guy would be a good first "experience" for her.
Instead, pregnancy was the experience found her.
Taken to an abortion clinic was the solution given her.
All she can remember is the lie that was sold to her
to convince her there was never a child inside of her.
And the shame, the shame that someone, maybe the teacher,
might figure out what weeks out of PE meant for that 8th grader.
Somehow, down it never slowed her.
The life of the party, the weekend drinker became her.
Not many boys for her, mostly men, and they liked her.
Before she knew it, she had been with as many men as the years before her.
Confession to someone was all she could think of to help her,
but all she remembers is the door closing, no Bible opened, no prayer for her,
at least not with her.
A blur are so many things to her.
But one day, that day her dad finally went away, was the day for her
she went and stayed with a man who was of no desire to her,
just a body, just a comfort, when everything seemed lost to her.
Achievements were earned by her.
Good grades were easy for her.
But none of it was relevant to her.
Broken and beyond all the norms, nothing spoke to her,
until
A man told her that he loved her.
He was exciting, completely different from what was known to her.
Chances are that she was more into him and he into her
than either of them was actually in love with the other.
But he married her
a month after her high school graduated her.
College in the big city was awaiting her.
So, she went, and within six months felt certain another baby was within her.
A classmate informed her they'd test her
at a clinic down the street, where they told her
a baby was bad for her.
And even her mother wasn't sure for her.
But that baby was hers.
No doubt she was having her.
School and work and marriage all continued with her
till that day she couldn't keep leaving her
with anyone else but her.
Being home wasn't easy for her.
She really didn't know what to do but to love her.
Working on the weekends seemed good for her,
until she met with a temptation she thought was gone from her.
The unthinkable happened while she was home with her,
a stranger where he had no business with her.
Regret bombarded her.
What had become of her?
Counseling seemed the only hope for her.
And that's where the Light came on for her.
Repentance and acceptance became real to her.
Jesus was alive in her!
Had he been there all along since he moved her
at VBS when she was 8, maybe saving her
all the while? No one had discipled her.
It didn't matter to her.
Now, her "her" was a "she."
Things didn't have to keep happening to her
as if no one could hear her.
She could make things happen through her belief in prayer.
She had four more babies and was pregnant with another before the tempter came again.
She had to see him every day, while the kids would play.
She had a way out when the summer was over, but
she revisited what had overcome her, because there was still part of her
she had not dealt with.
She still had imaginations no one knew of.
She had first seen porn in her childhood home and again in her own.
She wasn't wanting to be with another woman but to be that woman.
She would never have admitted it, but what she wanted was to be something of a goddess,
a deceptive perception of what she could nor should ever be.
She escaped the dilemma, not unscathed, but by fear of what damage she might have made.
She had that and one more baby, totaling 8 with the one gone above.
She thought is was over, the old her behind her, when men from school "found" her and asked if they could "friend" her.
She thought she had it under control, but
she had no experience with this way of communicating, and
she found that ears are far too willing to hear what woes are written between the lines.
She learned the hard way the trap that was set. Now,
she has boundaries in place to prevent such events.
She was to be tested one more time, during a lesson given twice a week. For months,
she knew all too well from the look in his eye, what way this was going.
She avoided. She sat in the car. But finally she knew there was only one way to stop it.
She had to leave. And she did. And for the first time, she had true victory.
She's learning that there's more to her than meets the eye.
She's learning that she can take God at his Word, because she reads it every day.
She's learning that God is her Father and her Husband and that purity is what pleases him.
She's learning that taking care of herself doesn't have to get any attention from anyone.
She's learning that, in fact, the better she looks the more she ought to hide it away as a gift.
She's learning that she too can be holy and is commanded to be so, just like the Savior
of the her
she used to be.
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