You know what my family looks like and I know what yours does. You know what we do and why we do it. For most of you, I can say the same. If I post, then I feel compelled to scan through all your posts, as well. That's just the right thing to do ...right? Micromanaging is not a temptation for some of you ...good for you. If I have you as a "friend" then it's for a reason. Honestly, I tire of reading lengthy writings and never receiving so much as a thumbs up from some you now and then. I get that you don't agree with my every whim or care to read about them. Be sure that if I don't care to read your negativity, cursings, or "sellings", then I've hidden you or deleted you. Is that the right thing to do if I care to be a positive influence? Not sure, but this is "my space" and I have limits, too.
I was on the cusp of retiring Facebook again. A clean break was easy for me last night when Mike put on something he thought funny and I thought sarcastic. I don't "do" sarcasm. I detest it. Whatever you've got to say to me, say straight up ...no grins, no dual meanings. Did I overreact? When everything I do boils down to accusations of hormone swings or suspicion, then I get agitated. I've said before that but my fervor needs to be legitimized without a shadow of question looming over it.
That said, married life has been pretty great the last weeks. I'm sure this is a litmus test. I actually plan to drop the subject but it sealed my fate with Facebook ...for a while anyway. A good friend of mine speaks of "seasons" of a person's life and I agree with her. I've been called to take a bare bones approach to the family over the winter ...in every way. I don't mean to strip us of any excitement, because I do believe life isn't worth living without passion; but patience, preparation, and timing are everything.
I love a challenge. Everyone should have one to feel alive. Right now mine is reinstating the basics. How many of us are running around lacking the fundamentals because we can't stop long enough to consider them? I've asked, technically laid down the law, that sports subside here for the winter season (with the potential exception for one child for good reason). We're well adapted to social and physical arenas, so I hold no regret of cherishing the idea of restoration through the winter, so as to ready for the busyness that warm weather inevitably brings.
Sometimes I fret over everyday things that the kids haven't covered at particular stages. It all usually rounds itself out in the midteens; nevertheless, I don't want to leave any "rock" unturned ...even though I know character trumps all knowledge. As a family we have another challenge to pay off 2 debts next year. Because we've had so many financial ups and downs, we're equipped to baton down the hatches on spending. I get almost "aroused" by the prospect. I love seeing where God provides an opportunity or deal that is so apparently His.
The thing we're missing the most is the very thing I missed in my own childhood - a family togetherness that entailed a living prayer life. I don't mean the kind that requires a kitchen table but does require the active participation of most of the members most of the time. I don't mean the repetitious kind; I mean the believing kind. I mean the kind that expects real workings of God himself ...but does not assume we deserve any such kindness. I mean the kind that changes the future by changing our hearts ...even the physical state of hearts. McKala is to see a cardiologist on Thursday for abnormal symptoms. Another child is to see a doctor that evening for something just as serious. I also believe sincere family prayer binds us together and defeats the attempts to separate our souls from each other ...and our sins from visiting our children, which is no light subject.
When will I be back? Good question. I've thought of trying the "stalker" version that some of you have, not letting anyone know you've been around; that would be just to check in on anyone I'm concerned about. Will I keep blogging? I'm gonna ask God about that one. I had a blog a couple of nights ago regarding the sex toy party I went to. It was light-hearted fun and I get the point; I just know after 22 years of marriage that technique, location, creativity, trust, and comrardy are the keys. I think it would've made an entertaining piece. I am a well of opinions and experience but even though these "blogs" are coming to me more quickly and with better precision, if I'm overriding what needs to be done at home to express them, then my words aren't worthy of the paper or screen space I'm using.
I want to come back reinvigorated. I want to report that the battle with my own dispicline has tilted toward success. I'm hoping my 2 pairs of jeans and 2 bras will be ready to be replaced with smaller sizes. Any of us who frequent social media cannot whine that we've made our best attempt at our best self if we're sitting inordinately on ever spreading rumps and leaning on our ever protruding bellies. Getting to know each other and supporting each other are lovely concepts, but without physically putting in the time on our own turf, getting the dirty work and drudgery done, we can't "put our money where our mouths are".
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