This past weekend got me to thinking. Although I didn't do much of it, I was reminded how much I love dancing. I love loud music, too. They both go way back for me. The problem is I've enjoyed them at times and in settings in my life when I shouldn't have, and that's left a stain on my impression of them. When I "got my act together", I threw parts of me away. Some of it was becoming a mother, I guess. But why should a husband lose his lover because she's become a mother? Why should strippers reign supreme in the art when it was given to the secrecy of one man and one woman committed eternally to each other?
I have a whole range of things to write about on another day regarding the way we drive ourselves into the ground with busyness, losing the passion that drives us, feeling like we're righteously sacrificing our desires. It may seem a good notion, until our partner disagrees. I see married men (three I can specifically think of right now) around, attractive men who aren't "womanizer" types and would hardly consider jeopardizing their families for a romp. BUT they look distracted, like they're lacking something, maybe lonely, feeling unneeded. If we assume that those guys should "man up", we're probably wrong. He's likely trying; men are vulnerable also. When we lose our physical connection with them, we sever part of the cord that binds us.
I've written before how I desensitized myself with the "just do it" attitude. I wouldn't ask another woman to do that, but I can ask her to be an opportunist. He may be rude, presumptuous, a gawker - deriving his pleasure from attributes of other women. For some men enough is never enough; I get that. I believe for the most part though that the things which drew us together have been cast down after various offenses have separated us. What did he tell you turned him on when he first knew you? Have you let it go or are you enjoying turning someone else on with it? Both are equally wrong.
Listen, I of all people know that our hormones fluctuate, sickness and sadness come and go, tiredness runs rampant. But when those "good" hormones are flowing, be ready to jump on the wagon (or "in the truck") and make a new experience that sets his world on fire. I'm giving "myself" advice right now ...because I'm finally in a place of comfort and passage after all that's happened.
The idea that the marriage bed has any perversion attached to it is quite a feat of the devil. Like anything in life, we can take it too far. In this case, anything that involves visualizing the involvement of a third party is pure destruction, leaving room for self doubt, jealousy, greed, and eventual actuality - involving other people is satan's playground.
All that said, what about YOU makes YOU feel sexy? For some women, it's lingerie. For others, it's long nails or high heels. I don't particularly rock any of that. I do like my hair. I like the way it feels on my body. Hygiene matters and the details of their personal manifestations make for interest. Some people think my bra size indicates others weapons in my cache, but something in my mind has disconnected that sexual appeal while nursing those 7 babies. That's all right though because I'm all about core, so much so that I feel way more sexy when I've worked out my trunk, even if my arms and legs are still "plump". Something about hips appeal to me which is one reason why I love him to approach me from behind at a store, even if its just to talk behind my back. Now ...I KNOW you didn't want to know that, but my question to you is, "What turns YOU on?" Give serious thought to it. We try to be good wives and turn him on, but he really isn't turned "up high" until we're turned on to the same degree. Do what makes you feel confident and bear a big ole smile while you're doing it, not a naughty smile, but a delighted smile ...afterall, he is yours.
Make it a challenge. I have other thoughts on the "challenge" idea, but today it means that we cease being a couple when we cease to please in the most basic, personal ways. I'm gonna go for it. I'm not sure where it'll lead. I'll guard it from filth, but I'm sure it will involve dancing and things I tried to push away (that were never bad on their own). I won't ever be a feast for the eyes naked; haven't been since I brought that first nearly 10 lb baby into existence. I have terrible stretch marks, severe vericose veins, recently occurring cellulite, skin breakouts worse than some teenagers, a scar from a C section, and the list goes on. I could hide under a veil of "conservatism" and just be done with anything but simple sex (which has its own good value, BTW). I actually have an opinion about conservative garb such as the Amish wear. Those women of child bearing age seem not to be fighting vanity but to be covering transgressions of lax health standards ...simply put, they're fat.
"My" fat isn't going to melt away quickly but I continue to help it along. While that transition is happening, I can come up with all kinds of "costumes", if you will, to play up my remaining "good qualities". "Camouflage" is probably a more appropriate word. Is that not what we do daily with make-up and good fitting clothes? Why not have fun with it and pass that fun onto the love of our lives, whether we "like" him all the time or not? There's a chance he would be more "likeable" if he had the release of perfect pleasure with the woman he vowed to mate with for the rest of his life.
Calling him a pervert because you have other priorities, or you have guilt, or you have an "image" in your mind to maintain, or you don't like it to begin with ...is, quite frankly, "your" problem (and mine). So ....we can do all things through Christ ...let's get to doing "them". :)
No comments:
Post a Comment