Really???

     We do a lot of things backwards, so no real plan is in play today for Memorial Day celebration, though we hope to have some burgers with the Reids later.  Macklynn has fallen 4th in line to this sickness that's passing through.  I've conquered the laundry and am down to a final load, so I might as well write about what's been burdening my mind.
     I began working out in the mornings with Melody 3 weeks ago.  I love to exercise, the really strenuous, sweaty kind.  How I fall off the wagon is pure sabotage coupled with sheer lack of resolve.  We had a couple of days out and about; then, this muscle knot reared it's head making it difficult to even sleep.  Within hours, I discovered a line of 5 spider bites? across my abdomen, quickly turning black.  In the middle of all this, I was weakened once more with the badge of my indiscretion. 
     When Mike and I had that homestyle buffet meal, I purposefully overate - innocent enough, but the old saying, "When you let the devil take a ride, he soon wants to drive," (same idea as the child's book, "When You Give a Pig a Pancake" :) kicked in.  That very week, we ate out some of my favorite meals for one reason or another every day.  And guess what else kicked in: the "last supper" mentality that inevitably leads to the greedy gorge beginning manic behaviour/panic that the "deadline" can't ever be met now, so what the hell ...
      The "last supper" and "I'll be good tomorrow" are direct results of "dieting"/controlling food instead of the will.  I'm not a promoter of diets, nor will I ever be.  I have seen too many wounded.  Temperance is my goal, which is hard to attain when one has stepped away from her center/her Help.  God is beautifully gracious to give new mornings to begin again.  If I waste too many of those and fall to ill health, never reaching the age of enough effectual wisdom to influence fellow women (and the occasional man ;), the evil one himself will have slyly won a part of my days.
     The absurdity of my tendencies confounds me.  My husband is able to wean himself from a dependency on "pain management"; soldiers march on in hunger and uncertainty; I, myself, overcome daily "many a" temptation.  My adversary knows that if he can pursuade me to move from my essence, my femininity, my well-being that I am a fraction of a strong tower and void of confidence, working against my own conscience - something like the conflict in Romans. 
     I'm back to my aspiration of restoring health, not letting vanity hold a place above it.  Nothing done out of external purposes will last.  Some people might get a good laugh from this, but there are others who understand.  New temptation arrives with a strong, healthy body and happy countenance: thirsty seekers of pleasure, unwanted glances from married men, pride that clouds discernment ...A new thing has been given to me the though, a hedge of protection - emotional needs met at home - leaving no real cause for stumbling into any of the aforementioned snares.  So, back in the saddle I go ...hoping it's a long while before I lose my focus/get caught watching the scenery and run straight into a low limb, knocking me down again on my "hard head and stiff neck".