If my decisiveness causes divisiveness, then come what may because I've lived too much of my life in the gray.







Thursday, October 31, 2024

The Beginning of the End

      I'm sitting here this morning in the chair I found Melody Ann in reading her Bible the morning after Michael and she arrived. The empty table where we had Thanksgiving stands in front of me as I imagine each seat that was filled or unfilled and what each person has at play in their lives. 

     Michael, 24, had his basal joint of his thumb reconstructed on Monday in hopes that the damage from his football career won't be permanent. Despite excruciating pain, he came home, went and bought $40 worth of ingredients, and made his one-of-a-kind mac and cheese while keeping a constant eye on the turkey. 

     He and Melody have recently been reunited after her summer back in Canada where she spent time communing with a cousin strong in the faith (5 points). She's come back to the States with gusto to finish her senior year of college and cared for Michael before, during, and after his surgery.

     Macklynn, 17, has been away on football scholarship at The Lawrenceville School, a boarding school that's a feeder to the Ivy League. He has an ongoing battle in his mind of what to take on and what to give up. He was sick with bronchitis when he arrived there and promptly received yet another serious concussion in the second game he was well enough to participate in. Is football a help or hindrance to him? His brother has had several surgeries to repair football injuries (and who knows what injuries to his mind) but secured a good job straight out of college. The struggle, the volley is real.

     Melody, 22, pregnant, has very recently married Wes, 11 years her senior. None of us thought it would work, but they seem to be happier as a couple than any of the others. And McKala, 25, came alone with her 5-year-old twins. Oh, how we all prayed that their dad would come around to a right way of thinking, but he has decided that other things matter more. The divorce is to be finalized in two days. She showed up early on Thanksgiving Day to be what I called a "maiden," a helper to me in all ways but also left early so the girls could spend the evening with their father's family.

     Megan, 32, married to Jeremiah, 8 years her junior, is mother now not only to a 1 1/2- year-old little girl but also a 3-month-old baby boy, yet she prepared half the food at her house before bringing it over to ours. Her industrious nature means she's going to do things at home just as well as she did them on the job. 

     Madalynn, 14, with a fever of 102 was quarantined to her room. It may've been worth it for the 3 days of fun she had painting the set for the upcoming Christmas drama and lightheartedly running around the church playing games with friends. Lately, her heavy heart has resurfaced, so I count the experience a blessing for the temporary reprieve from her ordinary, daily routine. 

     Miranda, 28, the public servant, was doing just that and couldn't come. We didn't take a family photo for obvious reasons. She surely wishes she had a family of her own to take photos of, but she's working on herself and waiting evermore in hopes that someone else is doing the same. 

     Mike, 54, whom I should have started with but have more to say about, appears to have Intestinal Angina setting in, which is defined as pain and problems associated with eating causing significant weight loss because of diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting following meals. It's further described as slowing blood circulation from the heart's inability to pump blood efficiently causing the body chemistry to change from an alkaline state to an acidic one therefore beginning the shutdown of organ systems. (premierheartandveincare.com. 02/11/2019) 

     By all indications, the beginning of the end of Mike's heart failure has arrived here at the closing of the year. I know that I know one of the many reasons we were reconciled from the separation is so he doesn't have to go through this alone. And he's not going to because of and in spite of the fact that I am mortified at what this could look like for him. 

    And for me, 51, what does this look like? How selfish to even ask. Everything pales when compared to his misery that has ensued. My words cease here; so must the writing. 

(Originally written in 2022)

     

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