I woke up in the bed in Madalynn's room again but with tight shoulders from a stressful dream. Soon enough I realized I had the migraine aura. I took a Benadryl, got an ice pack, and went back to bed. I woke up feeling okay. But within minutes, it returned, compounded. I got 3 more Benadryl, a strong cup of coffee, nose spray, and a bag of broccoli (because we can't keep a good ice pack to save our lives).
All that came through for me. But I'm as ornery as a bull. I've gotten onto everyone, which cleared the room. Macklynn and Madalynn are outside even though her wrist still hurts from being sprained while I was in the hospital with Melody, and even though Macklynn has allergy symptoms. Everybody in the house does and is probably the real reason I started having a migraine.
I hate feeling this way, not in charge of myself. It's so sad to me that people would choose to numb their reality like this. I want them to be free of what inhibits them from seeking the Lord, the only solace they will ever find. "There is no peace, says the Lord, for the wicked." (Isaiah 48:22).
Contrarily, Melody has not needed any pain medicine today, not even Ibuprofen. I am floored. I can't believe my own disbelief. Just like that, she is fine. I'm shaking my head even now. Five days ago we were readmitted into Baptist with uncontrolled pain and declining vision in one eye.
In the interim, Mike's shoulder pain has taken a turn for the better also.
Question, do you ever get so used to the misery that you don't know what to do without it? I confessed this weekend to an old friend that it's as though I need to stay in a low place to stay close to the Lord. How shameful is that?
But my children have exhibited what I so often do not. I found out that two of them sacrificed their personal liberties to sanctification while they were on vacation. It is a rare thing that a parent could find out anything better. Yet, there is unrelated information I have found out this weekend that I wish I hadn't, especially since I can't do a thing about it. But can I? There is always prayer, which is the greatest of all resources. I have seen the Lord already at work about it.
Just now, I had to go dig something out of a bag in the back of the truck. Never fails that when I clean out the kids' stuff, I always throw away something I shouldn't. One kid is mad that I wouldn't let them leave with another. I accused one of something they didn't do. It's like when I pray for the Lord to teach one, and particularly in regard to my husband, I am immediately convicted of my own form of that sin. So, I have to switch up in the middle, for him to teach "us." And by the end of the prayer, it is always teach "me." Nothing like marriage to teach you how bad a person you really are.
Contentment, something else my old friend and I talked over, to be thankful for all the good in today while it is still called "today." We view lust/greed as the worst of many sins, when all it might be is wanting what is not meant to be yours not necessarily forever, but yet. The disregard of any commandment is the mistrust that God knows vastly more what is better for our souls and those of our families.
Our family, as it stands, will expand by two on June 12th. McKala isn't due until July 11th, but all things considered including that the babies are resting firmly breach, taking them really is safer for everyone involved. I still can't entertain the idea of new life. I feel like it will be the "lose it" of all losing its. It's bad enough that I lost it in Walmart, of all places. Four days after Melody's original admission to Baptist, I was restocking a little, in a daze. I can't remember what started the conversation about Melody with the cashier. But by the time I was paying, we both were crying.
I almost lost it in Walgreens too, when they would not refill Melody's pain medicine, because there was a discrepancy between that and the prior prescription. Thankfully, someone I know was standing there, so I was especially accountable for what was going to come out of my mouth. Within a few minutes, the pharmacist overrode the problem, and I was on my way.
It's been like that the whole time. When I thought we would have to battle the system, individuals have made exemptions and extensions for Melody's assignments and exams. The doors have been wide open for us to walk through. To Melody's credit though, every teacher has reported that she is a "great student." Reputation walks before us as we are led of the Lord, which is also what invalidates the gossip from mean girls and perverted boys that she has been this place and done that thing, when she was never there to have done those things. It doesn't prevent them from hateful looks and catcalls in the hallways though. She wrote a poem about it, which the teacher asked her to read aloud. She has been publicly mocked for it. But she stands strong ...and goes places like she did last night, fishing with her friend and her parents, aunt, and grandmother.
There will be no fishing at the lake this Memorial Day. The docks are flooded. It goes without saying that we are free to be concerned with such frivolities because of the ones we give tribute to today. Sacrifice, a fading trait. Without personal sacrifice, there is no real love, no real purpose.
Again, it begins at home, with family. Last Thursday, Mike and I were still at the hospital with Melody and needed Michael to stay home from the job he loves, to babysit for us. He agreed without hesitation, made a big breakfast, and finished the sanding Miranda started on the baby bed that Victoria gave for McKala. Friday, her day off, Miranda went to McKala's appointment with her, cleaned her house, and took her shopping. And wouldn't you know it, when a person is trying their best, the world falls in around them? But true to form, Miranda keeps moving, like the good soldier she is determined to be.
It has not been all work. Mike took me out to eat, and who was there but Megan and Shannon? We all went to the theater together. And, of course, the phone vibrated right in a pivotal scene. But between the uncertainties of Melody's and McKala's conditions, I had to find out who it was. It was only Madalynn wanting to know if she could make herbal tea. I don't know if this speaks to good training or to their fear of me. I can be a tyrant (which I'm guessing "rant" comes from). Toward training, I'll mention that today she asked if she could have the other half of her chocolate pie. She said, "Yesterday you didn't say 'Lord willing;' you said I could have it today." She had me. And as she sat at the table, she said, "I think the refrigerator is broken. It's making a boiling sound."
It was the ice maker. That's how much either the TV has been on or the tablets have been running lately. Silence, so rare. I'd like to say we'll be back in the groove soon, but McKala has requested that I stay with her for the first week as she learns to nurse both babies. There will be another family push to care for Macklynn and Madalynn. It turns out Melody's surgery already having been done will lend us a babysitter that week, the week after school gets out and ideally when she would have gotten a job. I recognize that sacrifice, and we have covered her on some costs we wouldn't have otherwise.
McKala hasn't gone to work in two months (which the owner there and the one at her prior job actually were brought to tears over). So, she doesn't quite know what to do with herself. She has things prepared: the new and the old, the white woven cotton blankets and sheepskins that were hers and Michael's, my "almost" Irish Twins, the closest I will ever come to real twins. We found them while she was here last and the baby book she didn't look twice at when she was about to be married that finally came to life in her hands, as she sat there taking care of Melody who was throwing up from the combination of pain and strong medicines and didn't want her to leave her side.
Funny how our need for each brings us closer than any other thing can. This I am learning to accept. "So, teach us, Lord ...teach me," the way David Jeremiah described this week about the Lord's Prayer, "to have a heart coming in praise to You, the Almighty God, and understanding that in Your love and dominion, I can rest in and be thankful for Your goodness and perfect will."
Without praise and thankfulness, there is no such thing as contentment and peace.
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