And He's Off

     I rode with Mike to his new job this morning.  He'd been self employed for the most part of 22 years and is feeling like a failure.  I'm glad we have friends and family to tell him otherwise.  I, like them, see opportunity written all over this.  There are parts he could've controlled and there are parts he couldn'tve, like:  fuel prices, supply and demand, and equipment failure.
     The trip this morning took us up The Blue Ridge Parkway.  We rolled down the windows to feel the wind in the 60s.  If he loves hauling for the farm there, don't think I wouldn't move back in a heartbeat.
     I'm glad to see him getting into new, comfortable equipment which he's not responsible for repairing.  For a few weeks, he'll be team driving.  As we spotted the co-driver in the rearview (the 1 of the 3 remaining ;), Mike noticed that he was a "bigger boy than I  am".  Mike stands 6'2, 280.  I straightaway thought of the two of them rambling cross country in the bright yellow Kenworth.  I hope they have a really good week on the way to and back from Washington.  I won't know as many details and those of you who are used to them won't either because our cell service has been cut off.  He has a plain ol' prepaid phone, which will take us back a bit to times when we impatiently waited for the other to call.  Goodness, did he used to have to call me from a pay phone?  I think SO.
     We found out yesterday morning that Mike has 3 more kidney stones, one measuring over 5 mm already, plus a bulging disc.  I'm thankful to know, not only to prepare, but also to sympathize.  I quit being an enabler a while ago.  Our homelife has been held hostage many a day by the fallout of his conditions and medications.  He doesn't even remember some of it; I credit God for my capacity to forget it.  It's his story to tell.  I just hate for him that he still has pain which evokes such a need for relief .  I wish that could end for him, and, no, I don't mean by death ;)
     We talked about a lot of things on our hour long drive.  In reference to the bulging disk, we recalled the accidents he's been in, one when he was plowing snow on our 4 wheeler when it caught a bank and flung him into the handlebars and then over, as it went airborne end over end across him while he was laid out on the ground.  What's significant about it is the question: was he going fast enough that the force could've dissected his aorta?  Could the kidney stone lithotripsies not have caused them?  Could the "incidental" CT Scan findings related to the stones have been lifesaving grace even more than we assumed?  We were certain for 3 years until 2011, that Mike deserved compensation and had big law firms concur.  I always prayed though that if the Urologist didn't cause it or if we couldn't handle wealth, that we wouldn't win.  We didn't even get to court because internal injuries are so inconclusive ...and because North Carolina doctors are all insured by the same company and rarely speak against each other, especially in "accidental" cases.
     What matters is the big picture and that God is the ONLY One who sees it.  Since, I've thrashed church leadership so much lately, I suppose now would be a good time to insert that at the time of Mike's life flight and ensuing 9 hours surgery, area churches and members stepped forward.  It was Easter Sunday and I know for sure 14 churches lifted him up in prayer.  Even the Vascular Surgeon and his team did ...which is something to consider with National Healthcare ...just not sure it'd be allowed ...not sure there'd be any Christian Counseling either. 
     Someone we'd never laid eyes on paid our electric bill.  We came home to food on our porch from people we'd never met.  A church only 2 of us attended paid our hotel bill to stay nearby in his first days of recovery.  We got checks from people we'll probably never know.  We got gas money from people who could barely afford it themselves.  That is Christ and is what we'll be searching for on our new quest for a church home.  This time we'll find some likeminded leadership and go in with confidence, expecting to be leaders, doers, and helpers.  This time we'll go in as a whole family. 
     Being a "whole" family is a far cry from easy and after we could barely stand another moment together of his being home for the majority of these past 2 months, I'm renewed to get right back into the thick of things ...because we're balancing back out.  His role as provider makes me want to perform my role better.  That's not an original idea of mine, but it is one that has stuck with me for years.   We had some doozies while he was home and since we aren't "in love" yet, it could've been easier to just call it all off.   Everyone who "reads" me knows what I think about the vow.  Too, every time I consider the alternative, I come back to an assurance that God knows better than I.  Although I am not always evidence of it, He is where all my hope lies.  I have peace because I know I don't have to figure it out alone.  I don't have to "figure it out" at all; that's what faith is.  I have to trust and obey to get past my feelings, so I can be of some use to my Saviour.  It's not even about me and the quicker each of us discovers that, the quicker we can get on to some meaty living. 
     As the preacher I heard on the radio coming back this morning said, many Christians are living life like "soldiers in a parade", no real bullets being fired, just receiving accolades for our sacrifices.  This IS warfare and we have to note the contrast between good and evil; we just have to remember that the enemy lies within and we aren't to target his hosts for casualties.   That's a hard one but I don't plan on quitting before I get it right.  Actually, the Holy Spirit makes certain that the ones I've mishandled frequent my prayer life.
     Hindsight really is 20/20.  I can see so clearly where I held my hand out and was led away, even in thought, to what Satan would have had be my demise ...where I would have no influence, no voice, make no difference, and to live out an average life.  Slowly but surely, I'm coming back and am ready to share the truths that the Deceiver would hide from us.  I know he'll still be out for me, with things as simple as the 13 pounds I've lost thus far.  There's always untoward attention for things like that.  There's always a tempation of pride in achievement.  Teetering is no place to be and the sooner we get our balance, the sooner we'll find our purpose.  It surely helps when our husbands on board.  However, it they're not, God makes a way to honor Him THROUGH them, not around them.  This idea is what I believe God is about to use me for in the community and at the same time hold me accountable to my own husband.  And this was the coming "controversial" theme I mentioned a couple of blogs back.  So, stay tuned. 
     In the meantime, I'll be holding down the fort because he's off and running just like a good husband and father should.  And his fort should be better than how he left it.  That was hard to accomplish as the money dwindled and tensions mounted as the future became more uncertain.  I see how people "let things go".  We just now got gas in the can for the mower.  But this week's looking up, so I'll see you later on.