For a little while, I'll sit out here by the pond and continue what I started. For the family, today has already entailed a geometry lesson, mowing, job searching, straightening, a pond dip, and confirmation from the landlord that he'd "work with us". Mike called to fill me in on it. We have a decision to make out the van now. Too, since the repairs. the truck has only pulled light loads. Today is the test, because he's lined up for a heavy one. Before we finished the call, I gave him my 2 cents worth on his snacking. It was in reference to my telling the kids we can't have particular things and his having them regardless. I spoke respectfully, but to a man who's given up so much, it must've seemed overboard, especially from someone with my constitution and willfullness to present my case, that "being right" I wrote of. Right is many times a matter of perspective and isn't worth hurting someone over.
His one remaining medication is down to bare minimum. His consumption is rare. He's done away with tobacco but the cravings knab him sometimes. He eats whatever is placed before him, meat or no meat. He rarely curses and if so, in jest. He's still plagued by kidney stones, passing one last week. He understands that vacation is not an entitlement and rekindling romance or not, isn't financially reasonable.
Vacation entitlement was brought to my attention last year when a father I know said that although he'd been out of work and complained that the church hadn't stepped in enough, he was taking his family to the beach anyway. I guess he thought they deserved it. We haven't been to stay at the beach since Macklynn was 1, 6 years ago. I'd mulled these ideas over already when I heard a sermon as I sat in the car by the garden a couple of weeks ago. So many conservatives complain of political entitlements but are for them in their personal lives. How many of us assume that our spouses should do things for us, that vacation is automatic, that retirement is for sure, and so on?
These lean times remind me to pray, not just to thank that I got a safe, comfortable, good night's sleep but that I got it TODAY. Tomorrow isn't promised. Lean times mean that the animals don't get many scraps, that the same clothes get washed over and over, that entertainment loses its foothold. Then "lean times" can't be all bad. They are the solution, the path to gratuituos, clutter free, healthful. hard working life. It's seems a shame but I count it a blessing that God only gets my full attention when I can't rely on anything but Him. If it must be so, then I accept it, in order for me to steer clear of frivolous living.
Salmon, I'll be in cooking it soon. Except for a pack of bacon for Hoppin' John, it's the last meat in supply, aside from slaughtering chickens and yearling calves and catching the young fish we stocked the pond with. Some would argue that it's a time to consider vegetarianism. Especially as a temporary solution, it has grounds; so does fasting and I wish I'd understood it better and its place in times of stress. Perhaps I wouldn't have held onto this "Madalynn weight" so long. In the long run though, I view meat in the bodies of growing children and in pregnant and nursing women, as I was for so many years, with much esteem. The consideration here is to possibly shift into our own meat production. Putting that effort to the scales of time and true value is imperitive. Everybody has to be on board. Apart from our family survival, there are so many lives to reach and so much potential to meet. In future times of crisis, I never want to see or to have ill-prepared our children into suffering through starvation and destitution. It is said that without the mark of the beast, we will not be able to buy or sell. When that'll be, I don't pretend to know. To bear down in fear is a mistake. Here, we all know where we're going when the end arrives, so the real question is what is the most minimal way to survive and take souls with us to the other side. Things like bread baking are nice but flat bread sustains just fine. Beef is nice too but fish and venison are just fine.
This line of thinking leads me to the absurdity of game sports in which the game is trophied but not placed in the center of the table. It amazes me the number of people who call themselves "country" and don't even partake of the fish and wildlife they claim. Of course, this comes out of the mind of a concrete cowgirl. I love my boots but have worn through the soles of them by way of sidewalks and parking lots. Since they are in dire need of repair, it's a good time to strip off the long Wranglers because the illusion of a lengthy figure isn't going to get me truly thin. And with periods slowly becoming irregular, the girls noticing white hairs at my temples, and migrating aches and pains, if I don't take charge of my body, it's gladly taking charge of me.
In this meager position, rationing is reinstated. With it comes accountability and a new degree of thankfulness, that another meal has come together. It's happened so many times now that I can't mistake that bits and pieces of leftovers (not slobbered upon, of course ;) are my portion. I'm going with it because God and I have a good thing started.
Also today, I saw that we have about 3 tablespoons of granulated sugar left. As I drank the juice, which we haven't had in 2 weeks, from the pineapple can; I thought how sweet other things are when sugar isn't at our beckoning call. Other matters work the same way. I'm still in denial that a Food Stamp card is on its way. I really do want to know just how long we'd last on our own, with the extended family "lifeline" cut, as it should be. Firstly, I'll replenish what we'd stored; don't know if you've ever given thought to the calorie content of a can, but in the middle of catastrophic happenings, it matters. Green beans offer little except to curb appetite. I didn't even plant any in the garden. I normally don't buy a 15 oz can of anything if it has less than 400 calories. You say you're financially set. What happens when you can't get access to it? The best you can hope for is a good barter but not if what you have isn't necessity.
We've supplemented with about $30 of groceries for each of the last 3 weeks. Most of that was for milk, which has me brainstorming. Yes, we have dry milk, which keeps our homecooking moving, but that never substitutes for a good ole glass of milk, which I'd rather have than anything, probably because it offsets the acid from my the spicy tomatoey food I crave.
This card on the way has me pulling from my thoughts in my 20's of simple living. The difference is the emphasis. I was mostly concerned about being a bad steward, paralleling many of my thoughts with the environmental movement. With Mike's support on board from the political "environment", I'm renewed but with a much broader spectrum of theory. I mean, come on, how long did we think God would let us wallow in the excesses, indebtedness, and pride of intellect? Yes, Christian, I'm talking to you. How much are we really different from "the world"?
Debt - is being strangled by our own answers to difficulty or desire. Savings - after the wreck and surgeries, evaporated and was never really viable to fall back on to begin with. Truth is I love it when God provides and I didn't "go get it". I know, we have to be "go getters" if we want anything. But I just love it when we find a pair of cleats in the attic that are just what we needed. And worn in is a good thing, so blisters don't come into play on the field. Granted today's cleats were hand-me-downs from Michael, but currently the Milligan's and the Williams's passed along things that are our treasures. Months ago, moving from room to room, I noticed that the only belongings I have worth having were gifts, not entitlements/purchases, some of them things I needed right then and there. We can see God's hand in things when we don't keep so many things lying around. We do have some property that could be pawned but I know and hope that Mike is holding out on them in case moving expenses arise.
Melody found, along with those cleats, wool slippers of all sizes, things I used to keep on their feet in the mountains. I have a strong connection with those places and memories and am reminded once again that God has me ...and always has. Times there were daunting also, but He's continually put me where I could touch, see, and feel his creation because that's where I find less of me and more of Him.
I can't imagine it'll be all that comes from this, but a reevaluation is going on, a time of convergance of ideas between Mike and me, a time to give our children a true mentality of self sufficiency to carry forward into a worsening world, which will look for those who have a better answer ...and ours will carry the message that their is One God and His ways are not ours, but His home is if we believe.
In the meantime, this city girl will dust off her copy of "The Encyclopedia of Country Living" and set it beside her Bible, because who she was had no idea who the chick is that's dying to break entirely out of the shell and to put in every single ear that dying is living ...and that peace is that easy.
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