Thanksgiving morning I went to the porch swing with my OJ and sausage, and ended up whistling with my fingers in my ears. Truth is I could've sat there like Rusty, the Beagle, taking in the temperate weather all day and not missed a thing. I had a friend tell me she doesn't "do well" with holidays. I was afraid it was some sad memory from the past; but if what she tells me is true, then I too can "live without" the chaos. The idea of just forgetting the hoopla and grilling the burgers intended for Sunday crossed my mind.
I'm ashamed to admit that my kids have their own sense of entitlement ...on Thanksgiving, no less ...nearly having a knock down drag out over the front seat of the car, just to go to the gas station with Mike. They'd tell each other what to clean and bark at whomever got in front of the TV. Maybe we haven't "fallen" far enough for them to be sweet spirited and thankful for the simple things we still have. No matter how close to the edge we've been, Mike has always provided a spacious home in good condition and a reliable vehicle. With no savings and no matter how tight it's gotten, we've found deals so as not to dress homely ...(humbly is well meaning, but does not necessitate "homely"). And by the looks of us, you know we've never gone hungry.
All "entitlement" is selfish sin. Romans 3:10, "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:” All unrest is because someone is trying to usurp something from someone else, trying to level the playing field. Let's all shoot for our personal best and in so doing, SERVE our fellow man at God's personalized beckoning, the highest known calling. If my life's work, to raise up the cream of the crop, isn't panning out gold; then the ones giving their children secondary status, to anything less than their spouse and God, mean the world is surely in trouble.
A problem with big families is that there are more people to blame and to play victim to for issues that arise. The problem with being married to a traveling man is that most of the time there is no one to pass the baton to. On the other hand, Mike and I differ on timing and execution, so him in the kitchen trying to command an already bad situation is another reason I kept on swinging. I hate to keep reiterating it, but I can see why people drink ...and at the holidays ...but I finally went in and only had a shot of "Yoder's Good Health Recipe/cider vinegar and tinctures". Cooking with the kids didn't resume until lunchtime and that was okay because we had a mighty fine supper.
Megan and the older kids have gone Black Friday shopping a couple of times and I was expected to go this year. Like any new experience, it was fun, even if we did get up at 3:30 am. The first place we had to be was Bass Pro Shop ...no, not for the boys, but for the girls. The first thing they noticed was how many cute guys were there ...smart place for all kinds of shopping ;) ...but coats and boots were waiting for the picking. That's where the girls redeemed themselves. Instead of spending their Christmas money from grandparents on passing trends, they bought their own outdoor gear (high end, I might add). I consider that a sign of maturity and humility, as well as Michael's babysitting at home for us. We shopped for 8 hours, never encountering any bad behaviour.
Mike's parents were up from Georgia and waiting for us when we arrived home. They'd brought us a dining room table and chairs, which I regret that we never served them a decent meal on before they left. But, the next day was cousin Veronica's wedding, which I got so aggravated before that I made the kids go ahead and I drove separately. Then, we woke Sunday morning to 2 very sick calves. 1 of them had spent 3 weeks in recovery from the last bout of sickness, which made it all the worse because it was on the mend, getting up by itself for the first time in 3 weeks. The other was Michael's first calf to go down with something. It looked like our only resort was "putting" the down to end suffering. The Vet on call was entirely generous in suggesting that we come to his house to get medicine, although the outcome looked grim regardless of treatment. He was right. They both died an hour after we injected them.
It makes me question my decision to help the kids on their endeavor. I know my motives were pure, but was my timing right? It wasn't for lack of experience because we've done this twice before, but not with these numbers and the outbreaks of disease. After reading all that can go wrong, it makes me highly reverence the position that veterinarians put themselves in. Unlike people, animals can't communicate their ailments and are limited to the rations that we provide them, that may not always be suitable or balanced. I thought cows were hardy; "just put 'em out to pasture and they'll thrive". Even variations in temperature can set off a landmine of ill conditions for them. McKala is down to 1 cow, which is also exhibiting signs of respiratory problems, along with another 1 of Michael's.
Day after day of activity has maxxed out my stress level, and Mike is concerned that I have no interest, even in conversation, for him; but I feel a detachment from everybody and everything. I'm thankful for today, Monday, a chance to reroute my energy to basic function ...a chance to breathe and rediscover the priorities God has placed in me. I have a bzillion things we should do, but letting the kids run around in the swirling leaves before the rain sets in for a couple of days is refreshing. Letting the older ones wind down to regroup seems reasonable.
I'm thankful, too, that we have a new "used" table, that we attended a wedding and not a funeral, that cows and not children are sick, that Michael didn't have to brutally destroy the calves because they died naturally, and that December has only 2 trips and 1 appointment on the calendar. If we're to make plans, they'll be cheap and "on the fly" ...because each of us knows our boiling point and no matter the expectations placed on us, that's no place to stay. Even Jesus had His limits, knew when enough was enough, and went away from the crowds to recuperate and be with God.
No comments:
Post a Comment