So much is happening that I feel like I'm dancing with a new partner every hour, just after I've learned the steps with the last. Summer has been no lazy one for me. For whatever reason, I measure the weeks by bringing the trash can back from the road and lately it seems that only 2 days pass in between. I'll be 40 in 2 weeks and my life is speeding ahead of me. I have no time to be mediocre. I need to drive forward using up all my mind, spirit, and body have to offer. Though, I must make time to savor, just as Christy reminded me tonight as I asked if we were heading up the next hill. She's headstrong about being in shape but said that since we got a late start, she needed to get home to spend hour or so relaxing and hand holding. She's a year younger but offers much to glean from.
The last weeks have been peppered with appointments for Mike: Urologist, Gastrologist, Orthopedist, etc. And we still don't have any real answers. I'd say concern for the future and this big family would come into play, but I've personally seen God do things that shouldn't be possible. My concern is for a man with a fresh spirit, yet a body that continues to plague him to the point of suffering. He weans himself from pain meds to find himself in awful shape. It's all cruel but there must be purpose ...and I don't mean punishment.
Most of us Harpers have some sort of ailment that needs the attention of a physician. After Mike, Miranda is most concerning. She has every symptom of hormonal imbalance. I really should've put it together before now. Macklynn has a tooth that needs to be removed to make room for another but is complicated by insurance. Things like sports physicals and other minor problems need to be tended to also. It adds up to a lot of time; but in the same sentence, I have to express how fortunate I know we are to have medical care and coverage. Though, God knows we "know" that a good many docs out there are on the verge of incompetence and that we need to ultimately count on Him.
In August, Miranda will hopefully test into the community college early. McKala will begin Drivers' Ed. Michael is moving up to middle school football. Melody has decided to take up the "fiddle". Macklynn's mind is a sponge ready to be soaked with all things good. Madalynn is making her place in the family and needing quite a bit of direction. In the mix looms the prospect of Megan joining the service.
For now, Miranda has begun a new job; McKala is spending most of the summer as a helper at camp; Michael is volunteering some too and about to ramp up football practices to 4 a week with his body that has grown to the height of his father's; Melody has made a BFF and spending all the time she can with her before the "magic" of summer ends; Macklynn fishes and swims, oftentimes with Trevor, day in and day out; Madalynn swims with and stays on the porch, even in the heat, to be with the sweet short legged Beagle her Daddy brought home. Megan, our mechanic/"technician", will be put "on the line" next week, which is good that there is confidence in her skill but she's bracing for a steep decline in hours. She is also to find out if she has totaled her new car, but she and Miranda are still preparing to "meet up" in SC next week for some sister time. McKala and Michael are setting up to buy several calves in August. Macklynn and Madalynn are psyching up for VBS. And that's just all I can think of right now.
On top of all this remain daily household functions that are shuffled with the continuous change ups. There are evergrowing educational needs. Then, there are the upkeep issues of painting and repairing. THEN, there is the outside which is shameful - about a step away from looking like white trash. We do usually have some pile of a project that keeps us teetering on the edge of people knodding their heads at us. As I write, there's a pile of used lumber out in the yard awaiting plans for a water slide frame.
All these things are usual enough, but I find in the last few months every time I turn around someone I care about is in crisis, real crisis. After checking my 28 flashing messages, I found out a friend's husband had been in the hospital 6 days last week with unexplainable blood clots. Another friend is facing the loss of her home. Another's father needs a heart transplant. Yet another (young mother) has an inoperable tumor growing in her brain. One's grandchildren are being tossed around like pets. A family member is making the biggest mistake of his life. A young friend lost her Dad far too early. Others' children are entering dark places. Perversion is attacking the best of us. Here's where I'm going with this ...as I pray throughout the day, the list of sadness becomes so heavy that I feel my face begin to burn. It's said that Christ not only suffered physical torture but also the spiritual burden of the world. Imagine the wrenching his heart must have felt to take on the hurt of every soul.
Something else I'm facing is the accelerated deterioration of society. I sit in parking lots to let the older kids run errands sometimes and just watch people going to and fro. There is unkemptness and unhealthiness, to put it mildly. There is crudeness, laziness, and just plain dirtiness, hardly anyone smiling and if so, it's a smirk. To make a difference seems an impossible task. The impending economic and political failure of our nation seems too great. Just to move forward successfully with my own busy life seems impossible. The truth is that it is - impossible. I have a saving element - my very personal relationship with a very real God. One thing sets it all "a spin" - His words. How is it that I check Facebook before His book in the mornings? This can't keep up. I have to pour His words into me or I'm bound to crumble. Turning 30 was hard because I had severely wasted those early years. I won't have any part of it turning 40. I don't HAVE the time to waste. I'm tired of watching it whir by me to the left and to the right because my walk is just off center. I'm old enough to be certain at all times that the serpent is ready to strike and set me back so that I'm ineffective, so that I remain in survival mode instead of victor mode. Funny we complain that the Bible doesn't offer enough information to us, but we spend half a life on this planet, having only unearthed parts of its divinity. A friend posted today Joshua 1:8 about meditating on the "book" day and night, referring to prosperity and success. Verse 9 is, "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." I just saw that verse 7 says, "... turn not from it to the right hand nor to the left." I had no idea it was there as I wrote something similar above. I really, really like confirmation. :) This makes for a good end to say, "Goodnight ...and if you see me around savagely attacking a task or savoring the beauty and purpose surrounding it, know that I'm forever trying to work out the balance and hoping to dawn a smile through it all."
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