I couldn't see them until I lay down last night. I was hormonal and tired plus somewhat injured and plowing through the week. Then, after I showered and finally lay still, I realized I had seen six of our seven children. Even the other, I had talked with every evening.
It all began Sunday with the baptisms of grandgirl twins, Autumn and Abigail, and meal to celebrate. Monday, I went with Madalynn, our last child at home, to her Physical appointment and made it back in time for an inauguration watch party with the twins and their mother. Tuesday through Thursday I help her out by homeschooling them. Tuesday, they needed to spend the night because McKala had a migraine. Megan, our oldest, brought their Guinevere and Gideon to play with them. Thursday, Miranda, who recently moved back into town, came over to eat supper. Friday, Mike and I met our Melody and little Weston, who live an hour and a half away, at a midpoint for lunch. Then, at midnight Michael, who lives in Georgia, rolled in with his Melody. This morning, Jeremiah, Megan's husband, arrived at 8 am the way he does every Saturday for our Bible study. And today before they left for their sixth friend wedding in about as many months, Michael took Mike and me to lunch at a favorite little Italian place while she was putting together her best look once again.
There I was this week not seeing progress, not meeting goals, and not understanding blessings were right under my nose, not once, not twice, but every single day.
That was week before last. This Monday afternoon, I still have icing on my phone from the party Madalynn's nieces and I threw for her Brainiversary yesterday. Yes, it marked a year from her Chiari Malformation Decompression Surgery she underwent. She had suffered for many years and had been seen by many a doctor prior to its discovery. She recently found a journal about the daily headaches she endured while only 12 years old.
The night before the party, we had another party, the first ever cousin sleepover, and boy was Guinevere, 3, excited to come stay with her female counterparts. I'm generally not a fan of sleepovers and the oftentimes more bad than good that comes from them, so I had Miss Guinevere sleep on a mattress trundled right next to mine. She could hardly settle down from all her enthusiasm at being included in such a big girl thing.
Mike had both pulmonology and cardiology appointments this week. The cardiologist predicted an aortic root repair next year and told Mike to just enjoy his life, rather than focus on the "what-ifs" I suppose. I need to follow the same advice. Funny, just a couple of years ago, with Mike's not wanting to live and my not knowing how I was going to live, I was brazen enough to think I knew whom I might marry, too what good I could be doing in the church, all the while not understanding how Mike's will would change and what good I could be doing for own my family.
Turns out I have a fan club, whose members are named Autumn, Abigail, Guinevere, Gideon, and Weston. Grandparenting is not at all true to the portrayal I have observed. It is not exclusively fun and games and snacks and ease. It is a holy grail of influence and care and responsibility and ministry. And I am of no use to the Church if I am no use to these little ones. Besides, it is as important if not more important to not only volunteer in the church but to be purposeful to fellow or would-be members of the Church just like when I went out of my way this week at Walmart to greet a lady who has been visiting.
This week also held two specialists' appointments for Madalynn, a Neurophysiologist and a Pediatric Cardiologist, a full two hours spent with each. She finally has a diagnosis of Autonomic System Disorder. The involuntary nervous system signals are disrupted and affecting even her heart rate and blood pressure which was as high as 151/80 that day. She's already prescribed physical therapy and Nortriptyline and is now on beta blockers also. The decompression surgery was necessary but not without complications. In spite of them, she has begun classes at the community college and is back to work as the barn girl at Dr. Miller's.
Although I can't remember what day it was, we got to see Miranda this week. She took one of the twins to run errands in a delightful one-on-one time. Today, I went walking with Megan and her two, and expect to have Miranda over for dinner tomorrow night, as well as McKala and the twins the next three nights. After the year of school and the divorce, McKala is finally in business for herself, although she'd rather be home with her babies. Thankfully, we are able to collaborate in their upbringing.
I get so down on myself for not reaching certain heights, then I recount what all experiences we've had in this short time of a new year, never mind the fall I took three weeks ago on the hike down the still snow-covered backside of the hilly property the twins and I were exploring. It's still sore but could have been a show-stopping injury to my knee. Then my uphill climb to menopause decided to fool me with another cycle. I'm sure it's not a bad thing, just confusing to my system that normally runs like clockwork and to my mouth which keeps surprising me with things I didn't plan to say. Following that, I came down with a cold, but thanks be to God and to Fire Cider and other home remedies, I escaped any lingering effects, except that with the tension of the appointments along with lowered immunity, my body gave in to its scourge. Even that has not been too severe.
Last Saturday, Jeremiah and I finished Deuteronomy. What a relevant book, and what most stands out to me is, "Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things;" (Deut. 28:47). How I've let things again become work and duty and oughtness. Not that we should only do things out of pleasure but that we can do them with pleasure. I suck the beauty out of everything including myself when I rely too hard on timelines and gameplans. There's no doubt I need boundaries, but so many of them are self-imposed rather than God-ordained. I don't know when it ever ends, if ever. But I'll keep trying to find balance, temperance, as long as it takes, whenever that is.
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