I do believe I'm accused of judging some neighbors for a shocking subject that has been brought to my attention. I've said, "If you open the door for the devil, he will walk right in." If this "accuser" knew who surrendered the information, they would no longer question me, but I'm not about revealing sources; I am at liberty to divulge my own truth. We all talk of God moving in miracles and blessings. Why don't we tell some truth of being snatched from the depths?
So, I'll tell something not even my husband knows, yet. Remember that house fire we had last year? I had a classmate tempt me that romantic words on the computer aren't like having a real affair. As I was feverishly responding, tempted horribly, I saw a wall of orange at the foot of the stairs. My fingers were on the keys. Most of you know the things that happened that night and that it could've been much worse. Before that, I had a person I partied in high school with and was certain we were so wasted he didn't remember, so in the midst of a group joke one night, I accepted him. I soon realized he had not forgotten and was very interested in resuming the past. I liked being wanted - my marriage at its lowest point. Later I wrote him and told him it just couldn't happen. Weeks passed and he popped up on chat again. I liked that he was back. Within hours, Macklynn was sick, paralyzed, and many of you know what agony was gone through, although he walked out of the hospital under his own power 9 days later when 4 months was the diagnosis. Chat is off and will remain there forever.
There's one more thing that my family DOES know about and for Mike's sake and to speak of his character (he boldy professed with no reservation that he left me in a place of desperation after all these years), I will tell it. I had another schoolmate, truly just a friend that I hadn't seen since I was 14, request a "friendship". I ignored it for a while and then did a bit of an interview to see his purposes. We had so much in common in thought, in appreciation of art. As far as I knew, Mike had no use for me and threatened divorce regularly. I didn't mean to like this old friend so much. Although, there were no talks of sexuality, I began to understand that there might be someone who would "have" this mother of so many. I got honest with myself that I had clung on so long to my marriage out of fear of being alone. We continued lively conversations and as I look back, I admit that I had entered into an emotional affair. I didn't make it a secret. I messaged openly, not really letting anyone get too close though. Mike realized that my heart had left him completely; he said he could see the deadness in my eyes. Then, a change like none I've seen took place in him. It took weeks and months for me to understand that it was real and that there was no right way for me to pursue any other relationship. I had to wean myself. In one day it was finished for me. My childhood friend just vanished. Many weeks later I found out that this lover of finer things was ...in jail. You must see where I would have landed myself and the children if I had stubbornly moved forward with this man and ignored the obvious change of the man in front of me. In hindsight, I should never have had ongoing conversations with him, but my loneliness told me otherwise.
So you say "I judge", I say "I know" ...that when we open the door to sin, we will be visited with its creator, perhaps within minutes or hours for those of us who profess the faith and surely know better. If we're quick to correct our way, we may be spared. If not, we and the ones we love may be wounded or even destroyed.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Really???
We do a lot of things backwards, so no real plan is in play today for Memorial Day celebration, though we hope to have some burgers with the Reids later. Macklynn has fallen 4th in line to this sickness that's passing through. I've conquered the laundry and am down to a final load, so I might as well write about what's been burdening my mind.
I began working out in the mornings with Melody 3 weeks ago. I love to exercise, the really strenuous, sweaty kind. How I fall off the wagon is pure sabotage coupled with sheer lack of resolve. We had a couple of days out and about; then, this muscle knot reared it's head making it difficult to even sleep. Within hours, I discovered a line of 5 spider bites? across my abdomen, quickly turning black. In the middle of all this, I was weakened once more with the badge of my indiscretion.
When Mike and I had that homestyle buffet meal, I purposefully overate - innocent enough, but the old saying, "When you let the devil take a ride, he soon wants to drive," (same idea as the child's book, "When You Give a Pig a Pancake" :) kicked in. That very week, we ate out some of my favorite meals for one reason or another every day. And guess what else kicked in: the "last supper" mentality that inevitably leads to the greedy gorge beginning manic behaviour/panic that the "deadline" can't ever be met now, so what the hell ...
The "last supper" and "I'll be good tomorrow" are direct results of "dieting"/controlling food instead of the will. I'm not a promoter of diets, nor will I ever be. I have seen too many wounded. Temperance is my goal, which is hard to attain when one has stepped away from her center/her Help. God is beautifully gracious to give new mornings to begin again. If I waste too many of those and fall to ill health, never reaching the age of enough effectual wisdom to influence fellow women (and the occasional man ;), the evil one himself will have slyly won a part of my days.
The absurdity of my tendencies confounds me. My husband is able to wean himself from a dependency on "pain management"; soldiers march on in hunger and uncertainty; I, myself, overcome daily "many a" temptation. My adversary knows that if he can pursuade me to move from my essence, my femininity, my well-being that I am a fraction of a strong tower and void of confidence, working against my own conscience - something like the conflict in Romans.
I'm back to my aspiration of restoring health, not letting vanity hold a place above it. Nothing done out of external purposes will last. Some people might get a good laugh from this, but there are others who understand. New temptation arrives with a strong, healthy body and happy countenance: thirsty seekers of pleasure, unwanted glances from married men, pride that clouds discernment ...A new thing has been given to me the though, a hedge of protection - emotional needs met at home - leaving no real cause for stumbling into any of the aforementioned snares. So, back in the saddle I go ...hoping it's a long while before I lose my focus/get caught watching the scenery and run straight into a low limb, knocking me down again on my "hard head and stiff neck".
I began working out in the mornings with Melody 3 weeks ago. I love to exercise, the really strenuous, sweaty kind. How I fall off the wagon is pure sabotage coupled with sheer lack of resolve. We had a couple of days out and about; then, this muscle knot reared it's head making it difficult to even sleep. Within hours, I discovered a line of 5 spider bites? across my abdomen, quickly turning black. In the middle of all this, I was weakened once more with the badge of my indiscretion.
When Mike and I had that homestyle buffet meal, I purposefully overate - innocent enough, but the old saying, "When you let the devil take a ride, he soon wants to drive," (same idea as the child's book, "When You Give a Pig a Pancake" :) kicked in. That very week, we ate out some of my favorite meals for one reason or another every day. And guess what else kicked in: the "last supper" mentality that inevitably leads to the greedy gorge beginning manic behaviour/panic that the "deadline" can't ever be met now, so what the hell ...
The "last supper" and "I'll be good tomorrow" are direct results of "dieting"/controlling food instead of the will. I'm not a promoter of diets, nor will I ever be. I have seen too many wounded. Temperance is my goal, which is hard to attain when one has stepped away from her center/her Help. God is beautifully gracious to give new mornings to begin again. If I waste too many of those and fall to ill health, never reaching the age of enough effectual wisdom to influence fellow women (and the occasional man ;), the evil one himself will have slyly won a part of my days.
The absurdity of my tendencies confounds me. My husband is able to wean himself from a dependency on "pain management"; soldiers march on in hunger and uncertainty; I, myself, overcome daily "many a" temptation. My adversary knows that if he can pursuade me to move from my essence, my femininity, my well-being that I am a fraction of a strong tower and void of confidence, working against my own conscience - something like the conflict in Romans.
I'm back to my aspiration of restoring health, not letting vanity hold a place above it. Nothing done out of external purposes will last. Some people might get a good laugh from this, but there are others who understand. New temptation arrives with a strong, healthy body and happy countenance: thirsty seekers of pleasure, unwanted glances from married men, pride that clouds discernment ...A new thing has been given to me the though, a hedge of protection - emotional needs met at home - leaving no real cause for stumbling into any of the aforementioned snares. So, back in the saddle I go ...hoping it's a long while before I lose my focus/get caught watching the scenery and run straight into a low limb, knocking me down again on my "hard head and stiff neck".
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
A Day for Adult Homeschooling
I'm not feeling well today and I know why. I'm thinking that writing about yesterday, before I forget the essence, will make for a good pickmeup. Mike had rented a Harley again Sunday and you'd think I'd be all for a ride on a Monday but I just wasn't that up to it (since my "to do" list had already sunk in for the day). It didn't take long after we headed up the highway to have a swing in my mood. He had burned and brought a CD with new songs like: "Back Road", "Shake It for Me", and "Tomorrow" (which is a bit of an anthem for us). The music, the wind, the "on the road to wherever" overpowered my task oriented mentality.
It didn't take long for him to find us something to do. We ended up at Shelton Vineyards, which has pristine grounds, and turns out to be the largest on the east coast. So, he picked a fine location for our first wine tasting and tour. Immediately my thought was that, "Wouldn't I just have to wear my ripped up jeans and black T-shirt to such a place?" I thought our fellow tourists would be uppity; but, no, they weren't. They were quite entertaining actually. I learned a lot and had a good time doing it. Since I have the "cheap" preference of sweet wine, I came out to the good with a "bargain" they had on a mixed case of such. My dear husband bought it for me and packed it onto to that motorcycle in 3's and I'm pretty sure is expecting me to be in nothing but a welcoming mood each time he returns home, seeing how I will have reassurance of a "boost" now.
Just as we got back on the highway, the rain began to fall. I didn't tell him but I wish we could have just kept riding in it. Instead, we stopped under a bridge to put on rain suits. Funny thing was that I had put on HIS suit, so the one he put on was "small" and he required "assistance" to pull it off as he sat on the concrete. We finally got situated, just to stop in a few more miles to strip them off again. When I got the mountains in my view, I drew a breath, not for fear, but because part of me still calls it home. It feels different there; it looks different there - the lush moist green highlighted with huge orange Azaleas and fuschia Rhododendrons. It smells different there, especially on a bike passing the roadside Peonies and honeysuckle. Along with the serenity, we had to take the meetings of snakes in the road, which I can't do without a chill running through my spine. We were on the Blue Ridge Parkway and didn't pass anyone for miles. (I love that it was constructed with the dual purpose of national preservation, as well as, defense.) It IS different there and I'm glad we aren't too far away to visit on a whim.
Mike had more than the view in mind as we wound our way to Shatley Springs Restaurant. Now, for those of you who haven't been fortunate enough to have been served a "homestyle" meal, I'll give you detail. They bring out bowls of vegetables (real potatoes, gravy, corn, cooked cabbage, slaw, pintos, green beans, +), plates of meat (southern fried chicken and cured ham), baskets of biscuits/cornbread, and as always sweet tea, stewed apples, and cobbler. SO, when we left, we definitely looked the part of bikers because "holding it in" was no longer an option.
Just a few miles away sits our home we left 3 years ago. At that time, it appraised (in the middle of renovation) at MORE than $60K than the investor bought it for after Mike's Aortic Bypass. It's an easier pill to swallow now that it's still empty and for sale at $15K LESS than he paid us. As we drove up the long driveway, recall was inevitable. As we drove away, I wholeheartedly thanked God for letting me spend so many years there to raise the children. We stopped to see our sweet elderly neighbor, Mrs. Poe, who treated us as her own. There she was with a smile and living her life after the passing of her husband she had more than half a century. I hope to be like her - everactive and evercheerful, even in her present state.
We rode through town to see the changing shops - that were becoming vacant when we first moved there, until the tourist attractions of galleries and fine dining took hold. Mike drove with some reservation to meet up with the father and brother of his recently deceased friend. We hung out there in the wrecker shop for a while trying to make sense of what had happened. The normally quiet older brother followed us out into the dark and reminded us to keep communication with our brother and sister because, "You just don't ever know ..." I thought on that for much of the ride home down the mountain through the cold pockets of foggy air. How can any of us take a thing in this world for granted?
I was relieved to drive up to lights on in the house meaning that Miranda had successfully gotten one to practice and one to a game with the others in tow and made it home. She had also taken them to the park, grabbed some slushies, and rummaged through things for the pond at Dollar General. The wide eyed looks of delight we get from the little ones upon our returns is always refreshing. The day had been so very good that I wanted to write about it then, but a husband lay in wait and deserved my time. I've done plenty of writing about the awkward return of emotion between us, so I simply must tell you of the ease that we are coming to. I have refrained from a particular thing or two in the last year or so, not wanting to feel pressured or dutiful in my detachment; but last night I was released/uninhibited and, well, Mike went to sleep happy.
It didn't take long for him to find us something to do. We ended up at Shelton Vineyards, which has pristine grounds, and turns out to be the largest on the east coast. So, he picked a fine location for our first wine tasting and tour. Immediately my thought was that, "Wouldn't I just have to wear my ripped up jeans and black T-shirt to such a place?" I thought our fellow tourists would be uppity; but, no, they weren't. They were quite entertaining actually. I learned a lot and had a good time doing it. Since I have the "cheap" preference of sweet wine, I came out to the good with a "bargain" they had on a mixed case of such. My dear husband bought it for me and packed it onto to that motorcycle in 3's and I'm pretty sure is expecting me to be in nothing but a welcoming mood each time he returns home, seeing how I will have reassurance of a "boost" now.
Just as we got back on the highway, the rain began to fall. I didn't tell him but I wish we could have just kept riding in it. Instead, we stopped under a bridge to put on rain suits. Funny thing was that I had put on HIS suit, so the one he put on was "small" and he required "assistance" to pull it off as he sat on the concrete. We finally got situated, just to stop in a few more miles to strip them off again. When I got the mountains in my view, I drew a breath, not for fear, but because part of me still calls it home. It feels different there; it looks different there - the lush moist green highlighted with huge orange Azaleas and fuschia Rhododendrons. It smells different there, especially on a bike passing the roadside Peonies and honeysuckle. Along with the serenity, we had to take the meetings of snakes in the road, which I can't do without a chill running through my spine. We were on the Blue Ridge Parkway and didn't pass anyone for miles. (I love that it was constructed with the dual purpose of national preservation, as well as, defense.) It IS different there and I'm glad we aren't too far away to visit on a whim.
Mike had more than the view in mind as we wound our way to Shatley Springs Restaurant. Now, for those of you who haven't been fortunate enough to have been served a "homestyle" meal, I'll give you detail. They bring out bowls of vegetables (real potatoes, gravy, corn, cooked cabbage, slaw, pintos, green beans, +), plates of meat (southern fried chicken and cured ham), baskets of biscuits/cornbread, and as always sweet tea, stewed apples, and cobbler. SO, when we left, we definitely looked the part of bikers because "holding it in" was no longer an option.
Just a few miles away sits our home we left 3 years ago. At that time, it appraised (in the middle of renovation) at MORE than $60K than the investor bought it for after Mike's Aortic Bypass. It's an easier pill to swallow now that it's still empty and for sale at $15K LESS than he paid us. As we drove up the long driveway, recall was inevitable. As we drove away, I wholeheartedly thanked God for letting me spend so many years there to raise the children. We stopped to see our sweet elderly neighbor, Mrs. Poe, who treated us as her own. There she was with a smile and living her life after the passing of her husband she had more than half a century. I hope to be like her - everactive and evercheerful, even in her present state.
We rode through town to see the changing shops - that were becoming vacant when we first moved there, until the tourist attractions of galleries and fine dining took hold. Mike drove with some reservation to meet up with the father and brother of his recently deceased friend. We hung out there in the wrecker shop for a while trying to make sense of what had happened. The normally quiet older brother followed us out into the dark and reminded us to keep communication with our brother and sister because, "You just don't ever know ..." I thought on that for much of the ride home down the mountain through the cold pockets of foggy air. How can any of us take a thing in this world for granted?
I was relieved to drive up to lights on in the house meaning that Miranda had successfully gotten one to practice and one to a game with the others in tow and made it home. She had also taken them to the park, grabbed some slushies, and rummaged through things for the pond at Dollar General. The wide eyed looks of delight we get from the little ones upon our returns is always refreshing. The day had been so very good that I wanted to write about it then, but a husband lay in wait and deserved my time. I've done plenty of writing about the awkward return of emotion between us, so I simply must tell you of the ease that we are coming to. I have refrained from a particular thing or two in the last year or so, not wanting to feel pressured or dutiful in my detachment; but last night I was released/uninhibited and, well, Mike went to sleep happy.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
There's Something More
I get the distinct feeling that someone in particular enjoys putting inflammatory "observations" out and the reactions that ensue. I'm beginning to wonder if he has a "perverted" view of a woman's body and the use of it. No worries that I can really single him out because I'm "running up" on this kind of man pretty regularly, some even claiming "the faith" and taking for granted what/who they already have.
You're saying that using each other is mutually beneficial? You say my version hasn't worked that well for me? I'd say that it has been less than ideal, painstaking actually, but worth it. Eroticism seems optimal, but there is better to be found - when it combines with the soul of a woman. Taking from each other is reversed to giving of each other. This means laying your heart out on a table and risking it being ravaged but innately hoping that just one person might embrace it - take it and treat it as her own, which is also worrisome because that person might not hold enough regard for her own heart.
When you're old though, you'll have grown tired of the using game and might not like the "alone" in your aging, wishing the perfect/logical world you created hadn't been impenetrable, that real love is out there somewhere and that it begins with the One who created it.
You're saying that using each other is mutually beneficial? You say my version hasn't worked that well for me? I'd say that it has been less than ideal, painstaking actually, but worth it. Eroticism seems optimal, but there is better to be found - when it combines with the soul of a woman. Taking from each other is reversed to giving of each other. This means laying your heart out on a table and risking it being ravaged but innately hoping that just one person might embrace it - take it and treat it as her own, which is also worrisome because that person might not hold enough regard for her own heart.
When you're old though, you'll have grown tired of the using game and might not like the "alone" in your aging, wishing the perfect/logical world you created hadn't been impenetrable, that real love is out there somewhere and that it begins with the One who created it.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Mark Hilton, common man?
I made a call a couple of weeks ago to a number I got online. "Mr. Hilton?" I asked and could hear a child in the background. "Yes," he said. "Oh, I am so sorry. I've called your residence. I had no idea," I said dumbfounded. "Now that you have me, what is your concern?" he replied in a friendly voice. I stumbled all over my words in telling him my call was about the "Interscholastic Sports Open to All" Bill and wanted to know if there was ANYTHING I could do to move it along or represent it in ANY WAY. He appears to be a "common man" and is the North Carolina state representative newly sponsoring the bill. He said most others have chosen their ground on the matter. I think persuasion still has a fighting chance, so although I would like to speak in front of the committee, let them meet our children, petition every supporter we know, obtain referrals by coaches and fellow sportsman, I'll begin with a letter and hope that it has power. I'll skip the formalities here and get straight to the meat that I plan to send every committee member and representative, hoping he/she actually even reads and votes on the matter in the midst of all the pressing ones.
We are not homeschoolers who want to hold our children captive from society. We just have found that "if it isn't broken, don't fix it" regarding the origination of learning. It's worked for us for 14 years when my husband and I, having experience from both ends of the educational spectrum, honors and detention, decided to take this on. There are some homeschoolers who are concerned that if "we" as a collective are "given" something, the "state" will "require" something. Since the citizens of North Carolina pay the same property and sales taxes, I can't see that we homeschoolers would be "taking" anything. I understand that in the loss of each student, Federal funds are lowered, but that is really null and void when the student isn't present to use the funds. We don't want to "take" from anyone. In contrast, although we would consider it a privilege to have our childrens' abilities accepted and fostered under skilled and experienced coaching staffs, we believe and have testimony that our kids are "assets" to their teams and that the group gains from their participation and leadership. They have been ingrained by us to respect authority and standards, fully expecting to "fall in", following their elementary teammates/good friends to the next level of competition. We've almost exhausted the programs available through the Parks and Recreation Leagues and will have a local private school as a gracious host for a while, but as things stand now, it will come to an end soon unnecessarily, when they "age out".
The advice we've been given is to form our own leagues or to simply enroll them in school; afterall, they are older. There are a few "homeschool leagues" in North Carolina, all of which would demand a long drive. We have 7 children, so that isn't feasible. To start anything local in this rural community would be scarcely attended at best and would hardly draw serious attention from college scouts. To put them in "school" would interrupt their progress. The path we've selected is to test (into the invaluable assistance North Carolina offers in letting 16 - 18 year olds attend the college system, with only a book charge), to find their niche to volunteer for, and begin work to gain access to other avenues of interest, as our now 20 year old did in paying for her own flight lessons and getting her Private Pilot License just after turning 17, the second youngest to test in under that administrator. Oh, and the third piece of advice we get - involve them in more solitary sport. Our 2 older daughters did just that in the flying for the one and for them both: Tae Kwon Do, archery, dance, horsemanship, and even pickup games with other youth. However, for this new competitive "breed" of youngsters we have, that list doesn't impassion them.
To expand on our "keeping it at home" way, we homeschool (for lack of a better word) because of the level of personal accountability and discipline we can assess; because of independent ingenuity and time/materials to express it in creativity; because of exploration of obscure/individual interests and gifts; because of the setting with realistic generational relationships; because of family life - child teaching child, child freely playing as a child ought, child developing good nature/humor and not permitted to do so at the cruel expense of another, child performing physical work of household and property maintenance along with animal husbandry, then child working and volunteering in the community with the drive to "live it like you mean it"; because of getting to spend time with Daddy who has odd hours and responsibilities as an owner/operator under his own authorities; because of the trips that several of us have taken with him to 48 states (to The Alamo, the San Diego Zoo, the Columbia River, The Smithsonian, the Adirandacks, the forgotten caves of the Appalachians, the seas of the Gulf Coast, the Alabama Battleship, the Rio Grande and so very much in between that they have touched and seen); and because Christ is the center of it all and all is taught with due relevance ...as well as opposing viewpoints. So, you see, this is a lifestyle and we see your sports system as a VERY valuable facet to the well roundedness of our family. Our son has played football now for 5 years. He is "sold", in love, always ready, never late, continually firing up the team and discouraging bad attitudes (reprimanding selfpity and outbursts of anger). One of his 11 year old teammates I hadn't met, approached me at a restaurant and told me of how Michael got them through the game.
For now, all lovers of the game lend me your hearts. In the sweat and determination of football, boys find confidence coupled with humility. They find their threshold of pain and tolerance. They form a brotherhood in reaching their common "goal". They're pushed to find what's lying within to finish what they begin. They learn it from men who have gone before them who care that the mind and body of those boys are working in synchronicity. Then, there's the field, the spectacle, game day, glory, defeat, still a band of friends in the end. Michael just turned 13, is 5'11, and is made of the fusion of Georgia and Alabama blood with great grandfathers towering at 6'6. I don't see how exclusion for a young man (who can make the cut) from such an experience can come from educators, who claim to teach the very best things to brighten the future of young America. I know that there's an "association" that regulates this all and I have spoken with the director himself, who had a speech of rules ready for me. My understanding is that the three concerns are of grade accountability, insurance, and districts. Coaching staff spends so much time with athletes that learning deficiences would be apparent and who's to say that the required grade average is in basic or advanced learning? If personal insurance is held (and if not, the taxes cover the state's purchase of it), then that issue seems negligable. Even to the average person, districts really aren't difficult to trace and manage. It doesn't seem virtuous, over these slight issues, to ban boys who are so desperate to play.
Fear not, I'm in this for the girls, too. The fire was just fanned by our son. In the last 3 years, our 14 year old daughter has become prolific at softball and basketball. She, like her brother, gives a "chin up" mentality to the players. Today, the coach's wife shared with me in sincerity that McKala is respectful to no end and carries a smile wherever she is, which happens to be First Base. Her 10 year old sister is right on her heels, gaining understanding of plays and quickly developing skill. The exercise alone is irreplaceable. This IS their social circle. These sports link them to the community and contrary to some beliefs, our kids are not unexposed to diversity. McKala, the 14 year old, played Rec League Basketball this year in the city of Statesville with hispanic, black, boy, girl and loved every minute of it. When it came time for her birthday party, she invited her new black girl friend on the team to spend the night, along with her other friends from our town (which I dare say is uncommon here). As far as she sees, there is no color barrier and doesn't cave to peers to convince her otherwise. So, please allow the "exposure"/ the experience to continue, regardless of the school they attend. As far as I know, 23 states have already. The best of both worlds IS what I'm pleading with you for. If I could speak before you, I would. If I could bring our children for you to behold their countenances and hear their stories, I would. If I could present you with a petition of approval from our coaches, parents, teammates, a collegiate official, doctors, and others, I would. If I could show you pictures of them "on their game", I would. If you would put yourself in my shoes to see my pure intent, I would be grateful and delighted to have your representation and give you my support for your compassion on this voice and those of young athletes who need a "place" to continue on at what they excel.
We are not homeschoolers who want to hold our children captive from society. We just have found that "if it isn't broken, don't fix it" regarding the origination of learning. It's worked for us for 14 years when my husband and I, having experience from both ends of the educational spectrum, honors and detention, decided to take this on. There are some homeschoolers who are concerned that if "we" as a collective are "given" something, the "state" will "require" something. Since the citizens of North Carolina pay the same property and sales taxes, I can't see that we homeschoolers would be "taking" anything. I understand that in the loss of each student, Federal funds are lowered, but that is really null and void when the student isn't present to use the funds. We don't want to "take" from anyone. In contrast, although we would consider it a privilege to have our childrens' abilities accepted and fostered under skilled and experienced coaching staffs, we believe and have testimony that our kids are "assets" to their teams and that the group gains from their participation and leadership. They have been ingrained by us to respect authority and standards, fully expecting to "fall in", following their elementary teammates/good friends to the next level of competition. We've almost exhausted the programs available through the Parks and Recreation Leagues and will have a local private school as a gracious host for a while, but as things stand now, it will come to an end soon unnecessarily, when they "age out".
The advice we've been given is to form our own leagues or to simply enroll them in school; afterall, they are older. There are a few "homeschool leagues" in North Carolina, all of which would demand a long drive. We have 7 children, so that isn't feasible. To start anything local in this rural community would be scarcely attended at best and would hardly draw serious attention from college scouts. To put them in "school" would interrupt their progress. The path we've selected is to test (into the invaluable assistance North Carolina offers in letting 16 - 18 year olds attend the college system, with only a book charge), to find their niche to volunteer for, and begin work to gain access to other avenues of interest, as our now 20 year old did in paying for her own flight lessons and getting her Private Pilot License just after turning 17, the second youngest to test in under that administrator. Oh, and the third piece of advice we get - involve them in more solitary sport. Our 2 older daughters did just that in the flying for the one and for them both: Tae Kwon Do, archery, dance, horsemanship, and even pickup games with other youth. However, for this new competitive "breed" of youngsters we have, that list doesn't impassion them.
To expand on our "keeping it at home" way, we homeschool (for lack of a better word) because of the level of personal accountability and discipline we can assess; because of independent ingenuity and time/materials to express it in creativity; because of exploration of obscure/individual interests and gifts; because of the setting with realistic generational relationships; because of family life - child teaching child, child freely playing as a child ought, child developing good nature/humor and not permitted to do so at the cruel expense of another, child performing physical work of household and property maintenance along with animal husbandry, then child working and volunteering in the community with the drive to "live it like you mean it"; because of getting to spend time with Daddy who has odd hours and responsibilities as an owner/operator under his own authorities; because of the trips that several of us have taken with him to 48 states (to The Alamo, the San Diego Zoo, the Columbia River, The Smithsonian, the Adirandacks, the forgotten caves of the Appalachians, the seas of the Gulf Coast, the Alabama Battleship, the Rio Grande and so very much in between that they have touched and seen); and because Christ is the center of it all and all is taught with due relevance ...as well as opposing viewpoints. So, you see, this is a lifestyle and we see your sports system as a VERY valuable facet to the well roundedness of our family. Our son has played football now for 5 years. He is "sold", in love, always ready, never late, continually firing up the team and discouraging bad attitudes (reprimanding selfpity and outbursts of anger). One of his 11 year old teammates I hadn't met, approached me at a restaurant and told me of how Michael got them through the game.
For now, all lovers of the game lend me your hearts. In the sweat and determination of football, boys find confidence coupled with humility. They find their threshold of pain and tolerance. They form a brotherhood in reaching their common "goal". They're pushed to find what's lying within to finish what they begin. They learn it from men who have gone before them who care that the mind and body of those boys are working in synchronicity. Then, there's the field, the spectacle, game day, glory, defeat, still a band of friends in the end. Michael just turned 13, is 5'11, and is made of the fusion of Georgia and Alabama blood with great grandfathers towering at 6'6. I don't see how exclusion for a young man (who can make the cut) from such an experience can come from educators, who claim to teach the very best things to brighten the future of young America. I know that there's an "association" that regulates this all and I have spoken with the director himself, who had a speech of rules ready for me. My understanding is that the three concerns are of grade accountability, insurance, and districts. Coaching staff spends so much time with athletes that learning deficiences would be apparent and who's to say that the required grade average is in basic or advanced learning? If personal insurance is held (and if not, the taxes cover the state's purchase of it), then that issue seems negligable. Even to the average person, districts really aren't difficult to trace and manage. It doesn't seem virtuous, over these slight issues, to ban boys who are so desperate to play.
Fear not, I'm in this for the girls, too. The fire was just fanned by our son. In the last 3 years, our 14 year old daughter has become prolific at softball and basketball. She, like her brother, gives a "chin up" mentality to the players. Today, the coach's wife shared with me in sincerity that McKala is respectful to no end and carries a smile wherever she is, which happens to be First Base. Her 10 year old sister is right on her heels, gaining understanding of plays and quickly developing skill. The exercise alone is irreplaceable. This IS their social circle. These sports link them to the community and contrary to some beliefs, our kids are not unexposed to diversity. McKala, the 14 year old, played Rec League Basketball this year in the city of Statesville with hispanic, black, boy, girl and loved every minute of it. When it came time for her birthday party, she invited her new black girl friend on the team to spend the night, along with her other friends from our town (which I dare say is uncommon here). As far as she sees, there is no color barrier and doesn't cave to peers to convince her otherwise. So, please allow the "exposure"/ the experience to continue, regardless of the school they attend. As far as I know, 23 states have already. The best of both worlds IS what I'm pleading with you for. If I could speak before you, I would. If I could bring our children for you to behold their countenances and hear their stories, I would. If I could present you with a petition of approval from our coaches, parents, teammates, a collegiate official, doctors, and others, I would. If I could show you pictures of them "on their game", I would. If you would put yourself in my shoes to see my pure intent, I would be grateful and delighted to have your representation and give you my support for your compassion on this voice and those of young athletes who need a "place" to continue on at what they excel.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Michael Strong, this one's for you
I'm interested that you asked to be my "friend" knowing how vehemently I don't believe what you do believe. I'm unsure if you are of the "if you can't outtalk 'em, 'friend' 'em" philosophy. I am sure that I like your "feisty" compliment, so this one's for you.
My "friends list" is small. I've deleted or ignored a couple of hundred people. I've decided I like the intimacy of the truth and have recently thrown all caution away to be intensely personal. Afterall, I'll be 40 this summer. It's time to figure out what I'm doing, give it some kind of definition.
Indeed, I'm very conversative, "ultra" if you wish to use the term, BUT in some unorthodox ways. Even in this small farming community we've found ourselves in, fully embracing the lifestyle, people aren't sure what to make of us. We won't be involved in the local churches' Easter egg hunts because the resurrection of Christ deserves more than a Pagan tradition taken over in the name of Christian fun. (I don't care for the parading around in pretty dresses that day either as if we are impressing God somehow in what is much less than a show of humility.) But I won't cause a stir.
You mention diversity and its changing dynamic in America. Muslims, as well as ones from other faiths, should not come here (even be born here) and think that it is their right to deteriorate the grounds that America was founded on. Those "fathers" were just mortal men as we are and are relentlessly criticized for every small thing, but that does not negate the perfection of their intentions. Tell me what is so wrong with honest Biblical doctrine. I see the same ugliness that you do in those who twist the Word of God for self satisfaction. The subject that causes the most devisiveness seems to me to be the one of homosexuality. It is very much a topic of uncleanliness and departure from the intended structure of family and complimentary love. I've tried several times to listen (Sirius radio) to reason on it, but the language is virtually always too vulgar to bear.
In our year spent renting in a "diverse" neighborhood, I came away with some lasting friendships with hispanic women. I also saw the outlandish abuse of and the heavy burden laid on our social services. We were part of those services for over a year after my husband's aortic bypass.
On the environment, I believe the vast majority of us are terrible stewards of the blessings bestowed as God presented His creation to us. However, I know that no amount of "saving" the Earth will prevent its annihilation. No amount of Utopian thinking will prevent it. To take for granted any beautiful or needful thing that is available to us is something of a sin. I cringe at the thought of purchasing materials for "craft" projects, for "decorating", for dressing "just so", for the sake of owning every new "trinket". If you take a while and read back in my blogs, you'll learn my thoughts on simple living. Again, I don't cause "stirs" over these things. I just don't participate when I can get out of it.
Please, do me the service of reading "old authentic" books, as the one from 1881 I mentioned, along with our family and see how many good "white" men abhorred slavery and died in its name. Also the tribute that was given to black forefathers is notable and sometimes "blotted out"...in the name of rivalry to benefit would be sympathizers? There is this prevailing culture that we "white" people owe "black" people. In terms of retribution, my own grandfather was nothing more than a cotton sharecropper. Remember Mrs. Hanson? - Alan Wood's secretary, my mother, picked cotton with her hands as a child. If anything, our daughter has had a taste of reverse racism. A coworker has no use for her and went as far as to tell her that since she was done with her work that our daughter would do hers. The fine thing about that is ours is almost 5'11, looked her right in the eyes and said, "I will not". The character I mentioned instilling in the children is what let her managers know that the accusations of laziness were unfounded and absurd. The presidency - he doesn't have the experience of work or life to be considered a "wise" man. I don't either. It is frustrating for me and so many to have to choose "the lesser of two evils". You will always be able to come up with your side's facts more readily than I. In surviving "life" lately, I mostly pick up pieces of info here and there. And that's due much to the fact that I don't have time for TV nor like it on. You'll find that I can't remember names and I suck altogether at quoting, but I assure you that once I get a gut feeling from a source, it stays with me.
Give me not just "your" system, but any and I will "buck" it. Nothing will ever convince me that a bigger government will solve the resounding issues of today or any other day. I've had brushes with those who will take an offering, waste it, and come back for more. No amount of "handouts" will ever usurp the strength of "handups", which those of faith should be more willing to volunteer. Institutions, even churches, can be disturbingly self serving. Schools, public or private, were not founded on the best of what's to offer. For the children's sake, in the case of illiterate or depraved parenting, I can see but not as a convenience in the industrialization of society. Not even hospitals are beyond my critique. I did choose homebirth once and it was cherished in my realm of experiences. I was glad to know that medical professionals were available had an emergency played out. And that is just my point, a need. Why are we lazy, mindless victims? There is so much we can do for ourselves without relying on and being in debt to the "higher ups".
So, Mr. Strong, I am swiftly becoming a woman of middle age who wrestles with 30 pounds like they're the end of the world and is desperately trying to find a comfortable place to restore hope to my marriage. I have been entrusted with 7 phenomenal souls to launch hoping their highest aspirations are to honor God daily in honoring themselves, their abilities, and their fellow man. I'm preparing them to lead, to be trailblazers...and if they are not chosen to lead, to be wise enough to know who to follow. I love everything about the outdoors and can get pretty exhilerated over what I'm able to observe and get into. I fancy the thought that all I will be accused of is occasionally missing relevent moments of teaching, liking good food too much, arriving behind schedule, and staying up too late.
I'll let you be you, if you'll let me be me. I'll not call you "Lawyer Strong" if you'll not mention how "obvious" it is that I'm NOT a lawyer. I suppose we could work off our comments as we learn what there is to like in each other's view of the space we share.
My "friends list" is small. I've deleted or ignored a couple of hundred people. I've decided I like the intimacy of the truth and have recently thrown all caution away to be intensely personal. Afterall, I'll be 40 this summer. It's time to figure out what I'm doing, give it some kind of definition.
Indeed, I'm very conversative, "ultra" if you wish to use the term, BUT in some unorthodox ways. Even in this small farming community we've found ourselves in, fully embracing the lifestyle, people aren't sure what to make of us. We won't be involved in the local churches' Easter egg hunts because the resurrection of Christ deserves more than a Pagan tradition taken over in the name of Christian fun. (I don't care for the parading around in pretty dresses that day either as if we are impressing God somehow in what is much less than a show of humility.) But I won't cause a stir.
You mention diversity and its changing dynamic in America. Muslims, as well as ones from other faiths, should not come here (even be born here) and think that it is their right to deteriorate the grounds that America was founded on. Those "fathers" were just mortal men as we are and are relentlessly criticized for every small thing, but that does not negate the perfection of their intentions. Tell me what is so wrong with honest Biblical doctrine. I see the same ugliness that you do in those who twist the Word of God for self satisfaction. The subject that causes the most devisiveness seems to me to be the one of homosexuality. It is very much a topic of uncleanliness and departure from the intended structure of family and complimentary love. I've tried several times to listen (Sirius radio) to reason on it, but the language is virtually always too vulgar to bear.
In our year spent renting in a "diverse" neighborhood, I came away with some lasting friendships with hispanic women. I also saw the outlandish abuse of and the heavy burden laid on our social services. We were part of those services for over a year after my husband's aortic bypass.
On the environment, I believe the vast majority of us are terrible stewards of the blessings bestowed as God presented His creation to us. However, I know that no amount of "saving" the Earth will prevent its annihilation. No amount of Utopian thinking will prevent it. To take for granted any beautiful or needful thing that is available to us is something of a sin. I cringe at the thought of purchasing materials for "craft" projects, for "decorating", for dressing "just so", for the sake of owning every new "trinket". If you take a while and read back in my blogs, you'll learn my thoughts on simple living. Again, I don't cause "stirs" over these things. I just don't participate when I can get out of it.
Please, do me the service of reading "old authentic" books, as the one from 1881 I mentioned, along with our family and see how many good "white" men abhorred slavery and died in its name. Also the tribute that was given to black forefathers is notable and sometimes "blotted out"...in the name of rivalry to benefit would be sympathizers? There is this prevailing culture that we "white" people owe "black" people. In terms of retribution, my own grandfather was nothing more than a cotton sharecropper. Remember Mrs. Hanson? - Alan Wood's secretary, my mother, picked cotton with her hands as a child. If anything, our daughter has had a taste of reverse racism. A coworker has no use for her and went as far as to tell her that since she was done with her work that our daughter would do hers. The fine thing about that is ours is almost 5'11, looked her right in the eyes and said, "I will not". The character I mentioned instilling in the children is what let her managers know that the accusations of laziness were unfounded and absurd. The presidency - he doesn't have the experience of work or life to be considered a "wise" man. I don't either. It is frustrating for me and so many to have to choose "the lesser of two evils". You will always be able to come up with your side's facts more readily than I. In surviving "life" lately, I mostly pick up pieces of info here and there. And that's due much to the fact that I don't have time for TV nor like it on. You'll find that I can't remember names and I suck altogether at quoting, but I assure you that once I get a gut feeling from a source, it stays with me.
Give me not just "your" system, but any and I will "buck" it. Nothing will ever convince me that a bigger government will solve the resounding issues of today or any other day. I've had brushes with those who will take an offering, waste it, and come back for more. No amount of "handouts" will ever usurp the strength of "handups", which those of faith should be more willing to volunteer. Institutions, even churches, can be disturbingly self serving. Schools, public or private, were not founded on the best of what's to offer. For the children's sake, in the case of illiterate or depraved parenting, I can see but not as a convenience in the industrialization of society. Not even hospitals are beyond my critique. I did choose homebirth once and it was cherished in my realm of experiences. I was glad to know that medical professionals were available had an emergency played out. And that is just my point, a need. Why are we lazy, mindless victims? There is so much we can do for ourselves without relying on and being in debt to the "higher ups".
So, Mr. Strong, I am swiftly becoming a woman of middle age who wrestles with 30 pounds like they're the end of the world and is desperately trying to find a comfortable place to restore hope to my marriage. I have been entrusted with 7 phenomenal souls to launch hoping their highest aspirations are to honor God daily in honoring themselves, their abilities, and their fellow man. I'm preparing them to lead, to be trailblazers...and if they are not chosen to lead, to be wise enough to know who to follow. I love everything about the outdoors and can get pretty exhilerated over what I'm able to observe and get into. I fancy the thought that all I will be accused of is occasionally missing relevent moments of teaching, liking good food too much, arriving behind schedule, and staying up too late.
I'll let you be you, if you'll let me be me. I'll not call you "Lawyer Strong" if you'll not mention how "obvious" it is that I'm NOT a lawyer. I suppose we could work off our comments as we learn what there is to like in each other's view of the space we share.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Diversion, is not that the best tactic?
This is my first "blog" by the pond. I reluntantly put on a tank top to expose my winter skin to the sun. The tank exposes much more than color. I'll cut myself some slack though since the demands of the truck wreck have brought forth a condition that weakens me considerably to the point that by midafternoons, I didn't have the energy to move on. I have, however, had at least a dozen new blogs racing through my mind but have saved them to "trigger words" for later. Instead, I've restored some order to the house, watched the children and noted their needs, read up in the Bible and was shamed to just now find answers that have always been there, and slept. Truth be known, my optimum performance is with 9 hours sleep. I'm "tired" of being afraid to acknowledge it, not afraid of my husband's, but of this fast paced world's, opinion.
All of us but McKala skipped church this morning in hopes of also skipping the stomach bug going around. Some may think it self serving, but today I'm communing just fine out here in the open with my Maker. Melody is playing her keyboard on the front porch, Macklynn and best friend,Trevor, are sword fighting on the driveway, Miranda is making flyers to give away 2 of her rabbits because work takes her away from them, Michael has been giving his 3 week old calf feed by hand, McKala is reading/sleeping since she "is" the one who got up and went on to church, Madalynn is making me wet sand pies with dry sand "sprinkles" as my dog dripping from catching tapdoles comes to see if there's any for her.
So much seems to "happen" to us. As I've mentioned, none of it has involved finality of life and for that, I am profoundly thankful. In the last days having time to relax and reflect, I'm convinced that these misfortunes, even our awkward marriage reconnections, are very much a diversion tactic by the evil one himself. People say not to let the children be what keeps it all together, but I'm learning that they are very much the glue 'til we have time to change our ways and make new memories. Our 16 year old is on the verge of making her future happen while dealing with some pretty deep issues; our 13 and 14 year olds are quickly on their way to maturity, very delicate times of personal growth; our 10 year old is well on her way to flowering and hung in the middle of home dealings; our 6 and 3 year olds will leave their childhoods behind them before I know it. I remember years ago explaining our marital woes to my closest friend and she ended it with reference to Mike's constant interaction with the children, the very desire so many women have. He even takes someone to the gas station or to run the briefest of errands. For Mike and I to set out on separate paths has the potential to break building blocks in their lives from which they may never recover. My own parents, one in the name of personal satisfaction, were divorced when I was fifteen. I don't know if it was thought that I was old enough to understand, but I assure you that I was not. My parents have since remarried each other, but those years of my brother's and my lives can't be recovered even in the best of forgiveness. And who knows what traits were left in us?
When Mike reads this, he might find what's written so far to be disturbing. I hope the following will redeem me. In the living out of daily functions, I've felt a flicker, a spark, seen a glimmer out of the blue in the last couple of weeks. He's distraught that it's been a year and that being "in love'' has no hope of returning or if it ever "was". With the mildest responses, I've explained that moving forward in friendly laughter will make the new foundation on which to build the new us. And on the way to the store yesterday, I had a "revelation".
The blog before last was about "living country". It's ironic that he was born in Fulton County just outside of Atlanta and I was raised in North Alabama, but HE is the culmination of all things country. I credit his parents for "turning him loose" when the school day was over letting him ride out his pent up energy on his motorcycle all over the community, through the woods, and on the creekbank. He has tales of playing in drain pipes, making his own fun. He carried it with him when, as a young teen, his family finally escaped to the country. He was in his element, even taking on one of the deepest drawls of anyone around as he helped his now lifelong friend slaughter hogs for sausage and make it right out on the front porch for people all around to come and buy. Although miles away still, the lake life was such an attaction for him and his friends. It's one of the things I hope he can afford to regain one day to enjoy with our sons and daughters. I'd say it's almost inevitable, even if we have to rent equipment, since two of the things the children have yet to do is learn how to water ski and drive a boat.
All this is to say that I'm a biscuit hater from Alabama and didn't ever have a real pair of cowboy boots 'til he bought them for me, not having ridden horses much since my Shetland Pony. All the fun and adventure we have derives from his rooted connection with the outdoors and hard work. If not for him, I quite likely would be a high falutin, well educated, not so wise but ever so practical creature living in boring normalcy. Often his use, as most men's, for these country things is practical, but it pulls me into another level - the beauty and awe of every created thing and its purpose. In deciding "who Michelle is" after all these years, I'm finding that what I'm drawn to, Mike led me there, sometimes in strife but either way, I'm there and a lot of good surrounds me in this world we've made.
I've already listed off things on Facebook that's he's inspired here: the flying, repairing, riding, building; firewood and the fascination with fire, water, history, travel, sports, and much more; discovery - finding and digging up things to find the value of; shooting, hunting, caring for animals and plants; even down to the cooking and sewing. He and I met when I was 16 and he was 19, married in a little over a year, and I didn't know the first thing about homemaking including cooking and cleaning, which I'm still teased to no end about. I had been on the fast track to college. I studied, primped, socialized, and drew on occasion. I'm glad he saw past the facade. He thinks I'm not glad - that I regret so much of my life. I only regret that it wasn't done with more peace. Last year came to a head when so many things that used to be directed at me were suddenly cast also on the children, not that he was always wrong in his judgement but that it was issued with animosity. So, they have a long road to travel back, too. He's stated that since they're very capable of doing things he's taught them that he isn't very needed now. He was met promptly with the fact that things still have to be passed onto Macklynn and Madalynn. That was a very nice touch from the mouth of a 13 year old son. I say we get back to doing the things he dreams up that make life worth living, just within our spending limits this time and without the cursing and excess of alcohol when things don't go as planned.
See, he thinks that all this writing, the working out of my thoughts, is the beginning of the end. I think it's just documenting how far we will have gone when we look back from the correction of something that otherwise would've been rubble if we'd quit and if God were not One of many chances.
All of us but McKala skipped church this morning in hopes of also skipping the stomach bug going around. Some may think it self serving, but today I'm communing just fine out here in the open with my Maker. Melody is playing her keyboard on the front porch, Macklynn and best friend,Trevor, are sword fighting on the driveway, Miranda is making flyers to give away 2 of her rabbits because work takes her away from them, Michael has been giving his 3 week old calf feed by hand, McKala is reading/sleeping since she "is" the one who got up and went on to church, Madalynn is making me wet sand pies with dry sand "sprinkles" as my dog dripping from catching tapdoles comes to see if there's any for her.
So much seems to "happen" to us. As I've mentioned, none of it has involved finality of life and for that, I am profoundly thankful. In the last days having time to relax and reflect, I'm convinced that these misfortunes, even our awkward marriage reconnections, are very much a diversion tactic by the evil one himself. People say not to let the children be what keeps it all together, but I'm learning that they are very much the glue 'til we have time to change our ways and make new memories. Our 16 year old is on the verge of making her future happen while dealing with some pretty deep issues; our 13 and 14 year olds are quickly on their way to maturity, very delicate times of personal growth; our 10 year old is well on her way to flowering and hung in the middle of home dealings; our 6 and 3 year olds will leave their childhoods behind them before I know it. I remember years ago explaining our marital woes to my closest friend and she ended it with reference to Mike's constant interaction with the children, the very desire so many women have. He even takes someone to the gas station or to run the briefest of errands. For Mike and I to set out on separate paths has the potential to break building blocks in their lives from which they may never recover. My own parents, one in the name of personal satisfaction, were divorced when I was fifteen. I don't know if it was thought that I was old enough to understand, but I assure you that I was not. My parents have since remarried each other, but those years of my brother's and my lives can't be recovered even in the best of forgiveness. And who knows what traits were left in us?
When Mike reads this, he might find what's written so far to be disturbing. I hope the following will redeem me. In the living out of daily functions, I've felt a flicker, a spark, seen a glimmer out of the blue in the last couple of weeks. He's distraught that it's been a year and that being "in love'' has no hope of returning or if it ever "was". With the mildest responses, I've explained that moving forward in friendly laughter will make the new foundation on which to build the new us. And on the way to the store yesterday, I had a "revelation".
The blog before last was about "living country". It's ironic that he was born in Fulton County just outside of Atlanta and I was raised in North Alabama, but HE is the culmination of all things country. I credit his parents for "turning him loose" when the school day was over letting him ride out his pent up energy on his motorcycle all over the community, through the woods, and on the creekbank. He has tales of playing in drain pipes, making his own fun. He carried it with him when, as a young teen, his family finally escaped to the country. He was in his element, even taking on one of the deepest drawls of anyone around as he helped his now lifelong friend slaughter hogs for sausage and make it right out on the front porch for people all around to come and buy. Although miles away still, the lake life was such an attaction for him and his friends. It's one of the things I hope he can afford to regain one day to enjoy with our sons and daughters. I'd say it's almost inevitable, even if we have to rent equipment, since two of the things the children have yet to do is learn how to water ski and drive a boat.
All this is to say that I'm a biscuit hater from Alabama and didn't ever have a real pair of cowboy boots 'til he bought them for me, not having ridden horses much since my Shetland Pony. All the fun and adventure we have derives from his rooted connection with the outdoors and hard work. If not for him, I quite likely would be a high falutin, well educated, not so wise but ever so practical creature living in boring normalcy. Often his use, as most men's, for these country things is practical, but it pulls me into another level - the beauty and awe of every created thing and its purpose. In deciding "who Michelle is" after all these years, I'm finding that what I'm drawn to, Mike led me there, sometimes in strife but either way, I'm there and a lot of good surrounds me in this world we've made.
I've already listed off things on Facebook that's he's inspired here: the flying, repairing, riding, building; firewood and the fascination with fire, water, history, travel, sports, and much more; discovery - finding and digging up things to find the value of; shooting, hunting, caring for animals and plants; even down to the cooking and sewing. He and I met when I was 16 and he was 19, married in a little over a year, and I didn't know the first thing about homemaking including cooking and cleaning, which I'm still teased to no end about. I had been on the fast track to college. I studied, primped, socialized, and drew on occasion. I'm glad he saw past the facade. He thinks I'm not glad - that I regret so much of my life. I only regret that it wasn't done with more peace. Last year came to a head when so many things that used to be directed at me were suddenly cast also on the children, not that he was always wrong in his judgement but that it was issued with animosity. So, they have a long road to travel back, too. He's stated that since they're very capable of doing things he's taught them that he isn't very needed now. He was met promptly with the fact that things still have to be passed onto Macklynn and Madalynn. That was a very nice touch from the mouth of a 13 year old son. I say we get back to doing the things he dreams up that make life worth living, just within our spending limits this time and without the cursing and excess of alcohol when things don't go as planned.
See, he thinks that all this writing, the working out of my thoughts, is the beginning of the end. I think it's just documenting how far we will have gone when we look back from the correction of something that otherwise would've been rubble if we'd quit and if God were not One of many chances.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)